Is my live-out nanny eating too much of my food?

confused she's youngish - week compared to me , she's 30.

I do sometimes do something similar to LadyHarriet, and casually comment on how quickly such and such has gone. For us for a while it was apple juice, we used to get through 6 litres a week. I've always asked her not to give too much juice to the kids because of the teeth thing, and to be honest I think she'd kind of forgotten and was giving them pints of the stuff every day rather than drinking it herself, but I guess it amounts to the same thing though.

We have started hiding things we want to save for a specific thing, or I do sometimes specifically say "please could you leave the xyz for something I'm making at the weekend" but the chocolate thing caught me out. I didn't expect her to tuck in to it quite so enthusiastically!

When our au pair was doing things like saying: Can I eat this yoghurt? Which I disvoered meant THE ENTIRE PINT POT in one sitting rather than a portion, I started just saying: "Great news, there's some berries and yoghurt in the fridge. Please make sure to help yourself to HALF" that worked fine. Seriously, I was worried about it before hand but it has been okay in the end.

OP: By asking her regularly if there is anythng you can buy for her, I think it must appear to her that you are fine with everything she is eating.

It's impossible to say whether she is taking it home or just a very faddish eater who doesn't put on the pounds.

If it really is 15 pieces of fruit, I would say something to her about it. In my preferred passive aggressive way, I would probably go: "I was packing my lunch and I noticed that there wasn't any fruit left at all, the bowl was full yesterday. THat seems like a lot of fruit for the children to eat, can you please make sure that they limit it to a couple of pieces a day."

Same goes for the other stuff.

She will get the message.

I know 8 months isn't that long but if you aren't exaggerating at all, I think it is nonetheless a long time to feel cross about something too.

I think you need to mention it. She must be taking it home. She must.

OP I remember this thread when you started it and I always think about it when I baulk at how much my nanny eats at our house. She starts work at 9am (she lives an 8 min walk away) and she always has 2 boiled eggs with toast and her dd has cereal while I take ds to school ....

I would never begrudge her food at lunchtime of course, I'm a little about the breakfasts to be honest though. And her snacking is amazing.. before Christmas I bought a 400g bar of white chocolate to make some christmas presents. My own fault really I should have told her I needed it, but I was more stunned that she managed to eat the whole lot in 2 days. I asked ds and he said they had a couple of pieces (I know she's very good about restricting the amount of sugary stuff the kids have) each day. She has eaten a whole litre tub of cubes of fudge I made before Christmas - she's been back at work 3 days since the break We get through five or six packets of biscuits a week and she only works 3 days.

Actually reading that back, what I'm more stunned about is how she's managed to stay a size 8. She's tiny

It is usual to feed a nanny for reasons explained earlier on thread . But usually it's only snacks (bread ,ham/cheese, fruit ,yoghurt , biscuits ) so doesn't break the bank as its no more than parents would eat If at home. Neither of my nannies have eaten breakfast at work but I wouldnt have an issue with them having toast/ cereal.

i think shes taking your food home with her and stuffing herself during the day!!
the comment of 'am i allowed to eat your food?' is a bit strange I think.

why are you feeding her anyway? as IGGLY says why would an employer feed an employee, sure a cuppa and a biscit or soup, roll or sandwich with the kids i suppose but why more, isnt it normal to bring own food to work.

she doesnt live with you so cant understand why you would feed her?

Where is the op? Have we had an update

How old is your nanny? I ask because the thing that leapt to my mind was, could she be bulimic? I was when I was a teenager (fortunately 20+ years ago!) and yoghurts, creme fraiche, scoops of peanut butter etc just scream that to me.

Obviously I could be completely off track and she's just a gannet, but might be worth thinking about.

I agree that the obvious answer is that she is having people over for lunch or snack - as I often do. I nanny for 1 child but if our nanny friend comes over lunch needs to stretch to 2 adults and 3 children.

Is it not possible that these people are having friends over to help them eat?

I would get her to help you with your shopping list/ meal plan to increase understanding from both parties - from you as to what she wants to eat and from her as to how much it costs and that the cost makes a difference to you.

That seems like a massive amount of food. Could she possibly have an eating disorder?

I,am a nanny of 14 years and it's seems to me that your nanny is having a few too many playdates.

However what I think is more important is that she is a good nanny and that she cares for your children, not what she eats.if it is that much of a problem have you thought about doing less shopping so it's not there to eat. Or change your day when you buy food like a Friday.

If my boss came up to me and asked me about how much I am eating then I would be very hurt and dishearten as I believe there are many more things that are important when looking after the most precious thing in there life. I would then go on to think if she pulling me on this ( food ) what else is she she going to pull me on.

If it's really bothering you when having a talk you should around a month just say I think you might be having too many playdates as all the food is going at a fast rate and we can not afford it and then she should get the hint.

Good luck in what ever you do.

During my time as a nanny, I actually felt more awkward when living in about making sure I did not eat too much food! I had wildly different tastes than my English host family (I was 18 and had never been outside the US) so would buy different things out of my own pocket money.

As I gained more experience and went to live-out, I was always out of the house at least 12 hrs with commute. Breakfast was either non existent, a quick muffin if I was due to be early so stopped in a cafe, or at a push a piece of toast with kids. Normally morning rush is so busy with nursery / school runs / getting dressed / etc I just didn't have time for breakfast.

Lunch I usually either ate part of what kids were having or a sandwich if I didn't like what they were eating I'd say about 50% of the time I would eat family bread and sandwich fillings and the other half
I'd go to Tesco in the morning while out with baby and get a pre packed sandwich plus a smoothie, etc. Out of my own money of course since I simply didn't fancy kids food.

The biggest disappearance for us was always playdates - 3-4 kids plus 2 adults would polish off a shepherds pie, sausage casserole, pizza, bolognaise, etc.

So OP have you spoken to nanny?

In my current job I can pop out to grab lunch Juney but in 2 of my previous jobs I wouldn't have been able to just nip into Tesco's to pick something up due to logistics, the children etc etc. but then as other nannies I have said my boss expects me to eat - and big portions (if her cooking is anything to go by)

Maybe she brought some nacho chips with her and used it as a dip and some on her wrap?

I think it's a bit daft to say nanny's can't pop out, that's one of the good things about the job, is that you're not tied to an office, you can do as you please!

I too provide my own lunch and always have but I'm sure my bosses wouldn't be aggrieved to find out I've pinched slices of bread here and there.

It does sound like quite a lot of food, but it's quite cheap everyday food so i'm surprised it's such an issue. As many posters say, long hours and being active may mean she eats more than you imagine. It wouldn't occur to me she was taking advantage as you're only talking about bread, yoghurt etc.

Maybe discuss with her what food she normally gets through over a week, to help you with the food shopping so you don't run out every couple of days. If she claims to eat much less than what you've noticed disappearing, comment on the discrepancy by voicing your concern that the DC are overeating.

Can I just say communication and honesty is the key to succes when having a nanny! Otherwise issues grow and get out of hand.

Try to sit down and have a chat about everything over the last few weeks, slip it into conversation, I would try to avoid sounding like you are checking up on her or talking to her like one of your children, you are both adults and should have mutual respect and be able to chat openly with each other.
Good luck

But I have seperate accommodation, a two minute walk from the house, I have a fully fitted kitchen (with all mod cons, including a dishwasher!)

I start work at 6:15 and finish at 7pm, I go to bed around 10pm and if I cooked for myself I wouldn't eat until 8, this isn't good for me! I need to eat about 5:30, then I get to go to the gym/swim/meet friends after work.

When I did have a live-out job, I worked 8-6 but had a 45 minute commute, always left home for work early and usually left late so by the time I had finished, I was still out of the house for 12 hours.

But it has never been (brought up as) a problem for any of my employers. And to be honest I never even thought about it with any of my jobs!

I do not take the pi$$, I eat what is in the house, if I fancy anything different I buy it myself. I would not expect my employer to pay for something that they didn't have in. Crisps/chocolate/steak/caviar!!! I would never finish something in the kitchen if I thought my boss or the kids would want it and I don't (think I) eat more than an average amount.

I don't think being a nanny is an easy job at all. AND ALSO - in terms of meals a live in nanny is for me quite different than a live out nanny. When else would you prepare your meals? It was the live out thing I wondered about from the point of view of - lots of people have to get to jobs early, why would a nanny's role be different in terms of having to prepare food. For a live in role it is conventional to eat with the children for most if not all meals I would think.