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Original poster

Oh gawd, second problem with nanny this week...

92 replies

headfairy · 22/11/2011 15:09

after the hitting incident we've established she didn't really hit him now one of the women at ds's nursery says she saw ds in town yesterday on his own in a toy shop. She asked him if mummy was around and he said he was with our nanny. The nursery woman looked around for our nanny and she was in a different shop the other side of the shopping centre. When the nursery worker told her about ds she continued shopping and about five minutes later went to collect ds from the nursery woman.

Ds is four and I'm really shocked our nanny just let him wander around the shoppin centre unsupervised while she shopped for herself, but how on earth do I approach our nanny to ask her about it without shopping the nursery worker? She was understandably cautious about telling me, she sees the nanny every day and if I ask the nanny about it, it's obvious it came from her.

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Stars22 · 22/11/2011 23:23

wow and wow, I cant believe a nanny would even do this and I cant believe you are considering keeping her. As a nanny I would never let a 4 year old in my care out of my sight in a public place like that. If she has 10 years experience she must be old enough to remember what happened to Jamie Bulger, Im 26 and remember it. When you have someone elses children in your hands you can not take risks like that. You say you wouldnt be as cross if he had just run off and she hadnt noticed, like someone else said she should have either held his hand or been very close by surely. What if she hasnt noticed near a road? or feeding the ducks? all potentially dangerous situations that you have to have your attention on the child at all times. I think someone or yourself said maybe she just didnt realise the possibilities of what could have happened, as a childcarer she should no this and to be honest I would have thought it was common sense really. Yes it is rare that children get snatched, and get lost but that possibilty is still there, if she had him near or holding his hand then there is no risk she shouldnt need to be told not too leave a child in a different shop and be at the back of another shop (so surely not within in a clear view of him). As she hasnt got a contract doesnt that mean that she doesnt have to have a notice period?? -im probably wrong. ?? It was lucky this nursery staff told you, they were put in an awkward situation and obviously thought your child wasnt being cared for properly or had concerns or else they probably wouldnt have said anything. Are you definate about the member of staff that told you, does she seem ok? like she wouldnt over exaggerate or anything??

ohnoshedittant · 22/11/2011 23:18

redglow the Ofsted is a 'registration' not a qualification and it means bugger all. The only reason parents require it is it means they can use childcare vouchers to pay the nanny.

Original poster
headfairy · 22/11/2011 23:13

red glow she's not formally trained or Ofsted registered.

My mum did offer to help us out Mollie. I need to see how serious she was.. Last time she offered, when our previous nanny left on a weeks notice, our next nanny wasn't able to start for 8 weeks, so it's a big commitment. We could easily take as long again to find a replacement.

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redglow · 22/11/2011 23:07

I reckon you still might get someone for that I think it proves that an ofsted qualified nanny does not make them a good nanny. You might be lucky next time.

MollieO · 22/11/2011 23:03

Is there no one else who could look after your dcs on a temporary basis (mum, mil?) whilst you source alternative childcare? The day I found out how my ds's nanny was looking after him would be the last day she would be in my employ.

Original poster
headfairy · 22/11/2011 23:02

If the worst comes to the worst I'm tempted to ask my mum if she can have the kids one day a week, then our £200 gross pw would attract a much higher quality candidate.

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Original poster
headfairy · 22/11/2011 23:00

I agree mollie the two aren't the same. But fwiw I wouldn't leave ds on his own if I went to change dd's nappy at a soft play place.

stay that's what I'm worried about, a bad atmosphere when she's still looking after my children. I think your approach when asking her about it is a good one, I really don't want the nursery worker to get in to trouble too. She didn't have to tell me at all.

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ohnoshedittant · 22/11/2011 22:58

'Of course it's black and white.

You have a nanny who might hit your 4 year old and she might leave him on his own in a shopping centre. Or she might not. but then again, she might.

What a dilemma!'

The word might suggests a grey area shineon.

Any nanny/babysitter/parent/grandparent/nursery worker might hit your 4 year old.

That's why it is important to find out the facts!

Stay123 · 22/11/2011 22:51

I'd ask her in a way that doesn't dob the nursery worker in as the nursery worker didn't have to tell you and shouldn't be in the middle of all this. Juts say your little boy told you. If it is true and it sounds like it is I'd get rid of her asap. To take that kind of risk is shocking. Probably nothing would have happened but it might have done and she gets paid to do the job. Also if you keep her there will be bad feeling towards your son from her I suspect. How can you have someone working in your home that you have to give a warning too. What an awful atmosphere there would be.

MollieO · 22/11/2011 22:47

Obviously it is up to you what you do but I think there is no comparision between leaving your ds in a completely different shop whilst you go shopping elsewhere in a shopping centre and taking your dd to have a nappy changed whilst your ds continues to play in a softplay place. No comparision at all. However if that is what you need to think to make your current childcare arrangements to work then so be it.

Just think how much more time you'll have to yourself on future shopping trips when you abandon leave your dcs in the toy shop whilst you go shopping for those non-essentials. Confused

RumourOfAHurricane · 22/11/2011 22:43

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Original poster
headfairy · 22/11/2011 22:41

So... How much does a day nursery cost these days? :(

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Original poster
headfairy · 22/11/2011 22:39

I think I'm going to start looking around at other nannies looking for work... I'm going to ask her about it on Thurs, but I think as blondes says, once the trust is broken it's gone for good, while I do hate the idea of chucking th baby out with the bath water, this as left me feeling very very uneasy.

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Original poster
headfairy · 22/11/2011 22:36

Every time someone posts it all sounds completely reasonable mollie, I totally agree with what you say, but at the same time I agree wih chippingin

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RumourOfAHurricane · 22/11/2011 22:35

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MollieO · 22/11/2011 22:32

Obviously we don't know you nor your nanny but imo if you keep her you are placing convenience over your ds's welfare. There is a big difference between standing at the entrance of a small shop and being in a different shop entirely.

If you wouldn't do the same with your ds as your nanny did then why would you continue placing your most precious thing in the care of someone who does?

redglow · 22/11/2011 22:22

Still say ther could be more things that have not got back to you. Very risky but it is up to you.

Original poster
headfairy · 22/11/2011 22:13

shiney despite what happened yesterday I still don't believe she hit ds... I'm sure that was ds's imagination going in to overtime.

I know no one should fuck about with these things, I wouldn't either... I want to gauge her reaction when I lay down the law with her. I'm going to make it clear this is the one and only time I'm going to tell her. If it happens again she's out the door.

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RumourOfAHurricane · 22/11/2011 22:04

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Blondeshavemorefun · 22/11/2011 21:57

from your last comment, i say talk to her, enforce the seriousness of that she doesnt leave ds or dd alone and try and carry on - if you still trust her, and seems you do

if you dont then let her go, once trust has gone/been broken then it will never work out

Original poster
headfairy · 22/11/2011 21:55

chippingin why thank you so much [blushes]

What you're saying is much more in line with my line of thought... I don't think she's being wilfully negligent. I think because she's not formally trained it just hasn't occured to her what could happen. Maybe she's too young to remember Jamie Bulger? The kids do like her, both ds and dd are incredibly comfortable around her. She's been very good on the two occasions when dd has been ill, once being incredibly calm and taking dd to casualty when she had a temperature spike.

£200 pw is gross, 8.45-6.45. Her dd comes with her and they both have three meals when they're here. A nominal 6 weeks leave a year but in practice we haven't put any restrictions so far on leave. She hasn't taken the piss so we've let her have leave as and when she wants it. All told I guess she'll have about 8 weeks this year (which includes about 3weeks we've taken which I wouldn't dream of making her take as unpaid)

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redglow · 22/11/2011 21:48

Thing is she was buying tights for her not even something for you. At least when you stand by the entrance she cannot go out. Imagine if she had left the shop to find the nanny and got lost? Its not on.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 22/11/2011 21:43

HF - I know I've said this before, but I have to say it again - your kids are georgous - I'd eat them on toast :) The new photos are great.

It's entirely up to you how you handle this, but I think it's good for kids to go and do 'normal' things - the same things you'd do if you were at home with them. So sometimes going into shops they don't want to go in or the supermarket/chemist/drycleaners etc - doing jobs around the house and all that kind of thing. I wouldn't tell her she can't do any of that. I also think your Mum's pov is a little short sighted. A similar thing could happen at a softplay if she leaves DS playing while she takes DD to get a clean nappy/to the toilet for example.

I think you like her, DS likes her (does DD?) but you have a difference of opinion - I don't think you need to throw the baby out with the bath water and start on another nanny who you don't know anything about. I think talking to this one is a much better idea. Look how quickly she dropped everything and came to make sure it was all OK re the other situation.

Is the £200 net or gross? Does she bring her DD with her?

Original poster
headfairy · 22/11/2011 21:32

Rita... It's all legal and above board of course. I do have a standard contract that I rather sheepishly suggested she have a look at and sign and she said it all looked fine but she never did sign it and we never filled it all in. Completely my fault, I was so bloody spineless. Won't happen again.

The problem is we can only afford £200 pw for 3 days, she was the stand out candidate, as you can imagine at that level of pay you don't get a lot of experience and she seemed so lovely, really at ease with the children and engaging with ds in such a lovely way plus she'd been caring for children in one capacity or another for 10 years, plus as a mother of a child the same age as dd I thought she would appreciate the challenges properly.

chippingin you're absolutely right. It's almost worse if she hadn't noticed ds had run off. I've just spoken to my mum and she says I need to tell her she can't take the children on any personal errands or shopping trips as she clearly can't keep an eye on them properly. She should stick to the park or soft play type things. She's also encouraged me to start looking elsewhere for a new nanny.

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eurycantha · 22/11/2011 21:26

I look after three childen who are now 5 and 6,If I was out with them none of them would be allowed out of my sight ,I think that it doesnt matter what the mother does [maybe being a little lenient with them going further afield.]One of the main parts of my job is to keep them safe If one of mine had wandered into a toy shop my job is to go too,If I have to buy something elsewhere they would come with me .I think Id get the sack if mine were in a different shop to me.