What to expect of nanny? My way or her way?

My way or her way? - I think it should be a bit of both really. You are the parent and ultimately things are up to you but your nanny is experienced so will have lots of ideas of her own and nobody will exactly replicate you.

I think routine should be roughly what you would expect - you want the routine in place for your own days when nanny is not there, not to have to follow her routine when it doesn't suit what you do with your time off. Though I do think a routine should have a bit of flexibility.

Thinks like discipline and diet should always be what the parents decide but small things like the gro bag or going to the park instead of doing arts & crafts should be more the nannies remit.

Some parents like to know were the nanny is going before they go, some are quite happy to hear about it afterwards. I prefer the latter type as I often do things last minute or have a change of plans if the weather is sunny/raining or the child has requested an outing/activity. I would always tell the parents about where we have been and who we have seen and don't think it is right that your nanny has been vague about it - though maybe she had to be somewhere after work and needed to rush away.

Did you discuss with her the type of activities/outing you would like the nanny/or the nanny would like to do with your children at the interview stage? As a nanny I have no problem with giving parents a brief explaination to where we are going/have been, but I don't want to feel like I am going to be cross examined every time we leave the house or come in. I do think that if the nanny is taking the children somewhere out of the ordinary then I would have a quick chat, ask permission from the parents - as I think that is only respectful.

Re the grobag I did have an employer who asked me always put baby in grobag and I just thought their baby their call, but did discuss with them when the weather got hotter - Mum had learned to trust my judgement by that time.

I think that now she's been with you for a month or so its a really good time to have a "how do you feel things are going" chat. Find a quiet time, block it off your work diary and sit down and have a chat. I've done it with all three of my nannies and with all the other staff I employed in my previous job.

Ask her first of all how she feels things are going and if she has any concern, or things she's unsure of.

Then you can mention the sleeping bag (That's a reasonable request). I wouldn't be too concerened about the going out in the afternoon as long as you're not coming down to a messy house. You could ask her if she's like you to get particular crafty stuff in for her to do with your daughter and re- -itterate that enjoys doing that sort of thing.

My current nanny isn't so hot on the craft/painting thing as the previous two so she's better if I buy her kits - ELC or baker ross have some good ones.

I went for an interveiw and the mum wanted me to text each time we left the house even to go to the post shop which was literally doors away she did not want me to take to the park swimming only one prearranged group. This was 12 hour day five day week job.
While i understand the need to be in the know which i will write down in the nanny book plus say something at breakfast i would have gone crazy being stuck in all day.
I do stay in we do messy play free play play dates parks museums swimming soft play walks train rides if mum and dad are at home then both child and i will say good bye. Also make sure that my phone is on at all times while working. We do go to other nannies houses to play as they come here to play or we might meet in the park also go to parents houses. My charges have made some really good friends locally hello is our favourite word when we leave the house. Still find the time to do all of those chores especially if charges were sleeping.
If my employer asks me to do something in certain way ie the grow bag then i will one of my previous employers lost some one in the london bombings so asked us to stay locally for for several months

Could you assk her to write a diary so you know where they go?

Do you work from home? - maybe easier for her to be out especially in early days. Think it is definetly easier at start to get kids out and about - especially 3ish yr olds.

It is about having a good working relationship.

Some nannies are happy to be told exactly what to do, down the last tiny detail. Other nannies are not.

Some parents want to know where the nanny is going/had been. Other parents do not .

Just because one parent thinks something - it does not make it the only way to do something.

How would you feel if your boss kept insisting that every single little thing you did should be done in exactly the same way they would do it? No reason for it, it's just the way they do it, so you have to too - even if your way works better, even if you way is just another way of doing it...?

The only way to have 100% control over the way your children are looked after is to do it yourself. If you hand the care over to someone else you have to realise that it's not longer totally under your control and you have to let them get on with it. Discuss the big issues, let the small ones go. Accept that different does not equal bad/worse/inadequate/worrying.

I think it depends on how qualified/experienced a nanny she is.

If she is very young/inexperienced/unqualified then it would reasonable/necessary for you to give a lot of guidance.

If she comes very qualified/experienced then it would be reasonable for you to listen to her views/let her structure her day as chances are she'll have more experience in caring for kids than you!

With regards to the grobag I think it depends on her reason. If she thinks it's too hot then you need to look into it. If it is too hot; no grobag. If it isn't; he goes in the grobag. If she just doesn't like the grobag and you do then she should do as you ask.

In terms of accounting for her day, get a nanny diary where she can jot down what they've done/where they've been/expenses/what they've eaten/how much they've slept etc.

She should tell you what she has done with them. but I don't think she should need to ask you before she does anything. TBH 'I wouldn't have been happy with her taking the children out in the afternoon for so long' rings alarm bells for me. They were out for 2 hrs not 10! You may find if you lighten up a bit and trust her she'll be happier to stay in the house and do messy play etc.

I think you need to give her a chance and then have a review in say 3 months (does it have a review mentioned in her contract?) and raise any issues you have then rather than picking up on things every day/as you go along.

There isn't a right way or a wrong way for any of this - there is just a way that works for her as a Nanny & a way that works for you as a Mum - then hopefully you find a way that works for you together as a Team.

You will get a lot of posts saying 'You can have it exactly how you want it, you are the employer & you are the Mum' etc (for a start there are a lot more Mums than Nannies on here so it's bound to be skewed) and to a certain extent they're right. You can demand whatever you like, you can stipulate the baby is always put in its sleepbag, you can insist she writes a daily journal or calls you before she goes out, you can insist she stays home and does sticking... or, you can let her get on with her job, while you get on with your job.

Things like sleepbags - if you can't trust her to use her judgement over that you should be looking at who you have chosen to look after your chlldren.

If you want them to do more 'art' then ask her if she would do that, ask her if there's anything she would like you to get in - if it's not her thing can she at least put the stuff out for the 3 year old... or take them to messy play somewhere.

If you want her to ask your permission to do things then tell her that.

If you don't want her to visit her friends/do playdates/go to meetups then tell her.

As for being out a long time - 2 hours is nothing.

How often do you work from home? I wouldn't be surprised if your nanny is out as much as possible when you are working from home - it's a nightmare for a nanny .

However, you have to realise that these things should have been discussed prior to employing her and whilst you can lay down any rules you like, she doesn't have to like them and can hand in her notice. You can't force someone to work in a way that doesn't suit them. I'm not saying she has you over a barrel - I'm just saying think about the things that really matter to you before steaming in :)

The nanny in me says you need to give her some flexibility and trust, although this must build up over time. Did she work in a different area before? Maybe she's just more familiar with the activities and nanny circle there. Also caring for the children must be a partnership. One could argue that if she wasn't happy she shouldn't have taken the job but grobag/not for example is a seemingly minor issue.

The parent in me says that if you want to associate grobag with sleep you do that, if you want a balance of home and outings that's your call and you get a certain amount of control over how much creative stuff they do. And I'd be pissed at the underhandedness.

But as a nanny I know what my strengths are and art ain't one of 'em! I'm very open about that though so if it were that important a parent probably wouldn't hire me. I make an effort but I'd rather be at the park or in the garden pretending to be a fairy or superhero etc than cutting and sticking.

I think at first a nanny should follow your thoughts / ideas but as she get to have "more of a say" ie changing naps slightly to fit with plans, putting baby down without growbag if she thinks its too hot etc.

RE going out.

My boss is sometimes about during the day ie lunch times and I have gotten used to doing chores so my charge and her can spend time together or distracting him so that she can get stuff done - he is 4 though(!) however I would dread it if she was to work from home. A nanny friends, boss works from home once a week and she is loud enough that the kids hear her, or is always in and out of the room, bangs about upstairs, takes loud phone calls that the children know she is there and want to spend time with her. So my friend spends all day out of the house from 9-6!!

Sit down and chat to her - communication is the key thing here!!

I think your nanny should fit in with you and do things your way and say what she has been doing.

However if you work from home she is probably going out to avoid you as it is really difficult nannying with mum around unless she is prepared to stay completely out of the way.