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Original poster

AIBU to just leave NOW?

37 replies

NJE · 08/11/2011 13:00

Just been told by the 9 year old girl I look after that I am just a stupid babysitter and that I will clean toilets until the rest of my life...

I didn' even know what to say. Luckily she is on a playdate with her friend now, so I had time for a bit of a cry...

Right now all I want is to pack my things and leave asap.

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LadyHarrietDeSpook · 08/11/2011 15:14

then bin them, DEFINITELY, if you don't need a reference.

Original poster
NJE · 08/11/2011 15:13

MrsHuxtable That girl sound horrible and tbh from your other thread, I wouldn't be surprised if she was actually just repeating what her mother is saying about you behind you back.

That's what I thought at first too but I texted mum because things like that REALLY upsets me. I have chosen to leave school after my GCSE's (Well, the German equivalent) to go work in London for one year, but then decided to stay there and do my A-Levels by distance learning. I work not because I have to but because I wanna be my own person and not live off my parents (My parents are pretty well off). I choose to work as a nanny because I genuinely love children although I know I don't want to do that forever. It takes longer now as I first wanted to (I wanted to go to university this year, but I enjoy working abroad and learning languages so much, I decided to not go to university until 2012 or 2013. It is also not uncommon in Germany to work for a few years after school and then go to university.)

Anyway, long story short: Mum wasn't happy and said the girl will be in trouble once she is home tonight (She said if she doesn't behave her mum and dad won't send her to university at all and then she needs to clean toilets + she needs to learn how to behave.) So I will see what happens tonight.

LadyHarriet

No, I don't need them for a reference. I have another pt job in Brussels, looking three days after twin babies + all my other references from London are excellent. I am registered with two good agencies and I have already contacted them that I am looking for a temp job from Jan to July/August in London or anywhere else.

fraktious

Although I have to do lots of other things that weren't agreed first I wouldn't say they exploit me. For me it's not the fact that I have to do the cleaning etc. (I much rather do this than looking after the girl.) BUT the fact they treat me as someone who is less worth if that makes sense. I have worked for families before, did a bit of cleaning + ironing etc. I don't mind. But I don't serve food like a maid etc. The family offers a lot in return, so for someone who wants to learn French and live a while in Brussels it's perfect and for someone who is happy to being treated like a second class person. But for me it is just not working out.

OP posts:
gardenpixies32 · 08/11/2011 14:39

Kids say awful things sometimes.

It was one of the reasons I stopped teaching. I had a 16 year old boy call me a "fucking slut" in front of 36 younger boys! His punishment was a 2 day exclusion.

Sorry to hear about your horrible experience.

fraktious · 08/11/2011 14:31

Leave. They sound mental. The question is how...

I was in a similar situation, also in Belgium, except I knew after 2 weeks it wasn't going to work. The mother was ridiculously overprotective and wouldn't let me do anything, it was also a fully staffed house so I got told off if I wandered outside my job description and the maternity nurse was still around for the baby. One day I'd just had enough so I packed my bags, called the agency (who I'd be in touch with every day to say that it wasn't working), told them I was leaving and that I could leave quite happily on Friday and not come back, waiving the notice period and the pay for then. The mother didn't really seem too shocked. I later found out from the housekeeper that I was the 6th, yes, 6th nanny who had done something similar in the time she'd been there. The family told me I was the first nanny Hmm

Did you go through an agency or privately? Is there anyone else who could at least confirm that you worked there? Did you have wage slips or anything?

The family are to blame for this, having read your other thread. You have had to do cleaning and been treated like a skivvy, the girl is old enough to have picked up on that. I don't think there's any going back.

If you're there under an au pair agreement then shop them to the authorities for exploitation.

But pack your bags and have an escape plan.

MrsHuxtable · 08/11/2011 14:02

That girl sound horrible and tbh from your other thread, I wouldn't be surprised if she was actually just repeating what her mother is saying about you behind you back. If fits in with mum not telling off the girl and actually bringing home gifts instead. Also the "Don't worry, I'll be home soon." As if she agrees that being looked after by you is a horrible experience.

I could not stay any longer if I was you tbh. Can you use anyone else as a reference when looking for a new job? You said you're moving abroad anyway...

LadyHarrietDeSpook · 08/11/2011 13:33

Don't say anything to them that suggests you can't cope.

Keep the discussion very short and simple.

Do you have a friend there you can leave to visit after you've resigned/someone who can help you pack and sort the admin out? It might be good to have some support.

LadyHarrietDeSpook · 08/11/2011 13:28

Do you need them for a reference?

If you don't, yes you could go once hte family arrived home and you knew the child was safe (obviously).

If you do need a reference...

unfortunately it's just going to reflect badly on you if you actually walk out. who knows what story the family may spin 'off the record' to someone calling for a reference. they're not supposed to say anything neg yada yada but the last thing you'd want to be is involved in some sort attempt to clear your name with people living in another country etc and who knows what the laws are there anyway.

you also dont want to be in a situation whereby you're worried about what you'd have to say for this period of time.

My concern for you is that parents may USUALLY be tempted to trust OTHER PARENTS' views on a nanny at interview stage. Remember these people conned you into taking their job, they're probably pretty charming.

If I were you I would say your circumstances have changed and you need to return to the UK immediately. What is your notice period?

I'm wondering if Frak or Blondes have been through this.

Original poster
NJE · 08/11/2011 13:22

SWEETY
I did let her mum know, just texted her but it won't make a difference. I set rules, I am strict but as soon as the mother comes home she says something else.

OP posts:
lifeinthemidlands · 08/11/2011 13:19

Blimey - just go. They sound vile.

SWEETY · 08/11/2011 13:18

Hi NJE.

Sorry to hear what has happened.

I would have cancelled the playdate and let the child know that you would like an appology.Explain that you will be informing her parents of her behaviour and that you do not accept it.If you dont let the parents know & set no rules then she will continue to behave the way in which she has.

Let us know how you get on.

Original poster
NJE · 08/11/2011 13:15

Her mum won't say a thing. Don't know if you read my other thread from a few days ago...
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childminders_nannies_au_pairs_etc/1331878-Should-I-stay-or-should-I-go

OP posts:
lifeinthemidlands · 08/11/2011 13:07

Blimey - how horrible for you. Where did she get this attitude from? How will her parents react when you tell them (and you certainly should!). My DD would be grounded for life if she said something like that.