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Original poster

A concerned parent has just come to our door...

114 replies

thesoo · 30/10/2011 16:02

..to tell us that his wife has concerns about the way our childminder is caring for our son.
We have been using this childminder for about 9 months and she takes ds and dd to a childminding group. The husband of (presumably) another childminder came to our door an hour ago, spoke to my husband, and said that his wife wanted us to know that this childminder regularly leaves ds outside in all weathers, sometimes crying for all or part of this time, and has no way of knowing he is safe beacuse he cant be seen from inside. As if this is not distressing enough, she has also been seen shouting at him while he is outside in the buggy, wagging her finger and saying ' it is your fault, if you were not crying you could come in to play'. My son is 18 months old ffs. In tears as I write this.
I would never of suspected this of the cm as she seems quite caring and gentle. She has told me that she does sometimes let him sleep in the buggy if he is not in the mood to play, but would never have suspected this.
I am not sure what to do next. Obviously will speak to the cm and tell her what I have been told, but I can imagine that she will deny it. This husband said his wife did not want to identify herself. I feel that I need some other corroboration. The husband also said that other childminders in the group were a bit scared to approach her as she can be quite touchy.
I was not around when this guy came to the door so not sure what to do. Should I try to contact one of the other minders for their opinion? Don't want to arouse suspicions if it is not true or an exaggeration?
Kids are due to go to the cm tomorrow, don't want to send them, thats for sure, just not sure what to do next...help

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Maryz · 30/10/2011 17:04

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Maryz · 30/10/2011 17:02

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Original poster
thesoo · 30/10/2011 16:56

dh has gone round to the childminder to ask her side of the story, if she denies it which I am sure she will, he will go back to the concerned parent and ask her again, and also if she can annonymously provide names of any of the other people who go to the group. We decided to go to her first as it is a little village and she obviously knows and is friendly with some of the other child minders so we would not want anyone tipping her off or phoning her up, we wanted to speak to her first also before rumours get around, just in case the parent is not being truthful...
feel sick

OP posts:
thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 30/10/2011 16:54

I would be inclined to belive them.
If they were being malicious I think a note under the door would be more likely.

Why would they risk coming to your house?

I know that people can be horrible. I used to be involved in a playgroup and quite a few CM went there. One CM had a habit of writing letters to ofsted if she felt she had been crossed by another CM. She also wrote letters to SS if a parent pissed her off.

She was a serial offender and everyone knew she did it. BUt AFAIK she only EVER did it anon.

Its a horrible situation for you to be in. Thing is you have to take it seriously. Up to you how you deal with it. The CM is unlikely to admit it but she might be able to explain why someone might have said this.

Can you get advice from the local CM coordinator?

RattusRattus · 30/10/2011 16:46

How awful for you. Tread carefully though because these people could have some kind of agenda / vendetta against your CM so it could be total BS designed to cause trouble for her.

I would keep the kids off, go to the house of the concerned parent, try and talk to other people as well and then tackle childminder.

WitchesBrewIsMyFriend · 30/10/2011 16:35

go round to the other parents house and speak directly to the Mother. Then try to get corroborating evidence fromother people at the group. Then confront your CM.

I wouldnt be sending my DC to CM tomorrow either.

Original poster
thesoo · 30/10/2011 16:31

good question ritamorgan. DH did not recognise the husband, but they have a dc of about the same age so it could well be a nursery parent or someone I see at toddler group. We haven't lived here for very long though, so they would have to have asked someone where we live. That is a wee bit odd. DH has now told me that although the guy's wife did not want to say who she was, he left his address and said we were welcome to go round. Think I might do that too to get the story again.

OP posts:
stuffthenonsense · 30/10/2011 16:31

hmmm, as rita says, how do they know where you live? could it even be YOUR childminders ex trying to cause trouble for her? if you are othrwise happy with this childminder i would tread carefully, perhaps claim sickness whilst you investigate what is going on...i do hope you get it sorted, it is so important that you are confident in your carer.

RitaMorgan · 30/10/2011 16:25

How did this other childminder know where you live?

RitaMorgan · 30/10/2011 16:24

Who runs the childminding group? Is it at a Children's Centre or similar?

I would take tomorrow off, keep the children at home, speak to your childminder, speaker to whoever runs the group/other childminders and get to the bottom of this as quickly as possible.

Original poster
thesoo · 30/10/2011 16:23

it did cross our mind that it could be someone with a grudge, have heard childminders sometimes get a bit off with one another, but the fact that this dad seemed really nervous and said he and his wife had been deliberating about whether to come round or not. He also said that it had uspet his wife to see it and that she had tried to comfort our son a couple of times because she had felt so bad.
Will get round to cm tonight to find out what she has to say. Also trying to get a number for another childminder so that I can ask her. Am raging.

OP posts:
CiderwithBuda · 30/10/2011 16:15

God how horrible for you. If you can contact some of the other child minders I would do. And I wouldn't send yours tomorrow.

I had a similar situation when living overseas. DS was about 7 months and I had a babysitter twice a week so I could have a few hours to myself etc. Also had a cleaner who was there one of the days babysitter was. Cleaner didn't speak English but got another woman she worked for to call me and tell me that the sitter wasn't interacting with DS but just dumping him in his pram and pushing him up and down. She also felt she just generally wasn't nice to him. I cried too. And then I sacked her.

Frostyfoxy · 30/10/2011 16:13

That is awful! If it is true of course, could it be a disgruntled parent of some sorts trying to make trouble for the CM? Can you or someone you know and trust walk by/go to the cm group to see for yourself? Do you know of any other mothers there that you can talk to, to get someone elses opinion?

valiumredhead · 30/10/2011 16:09

Oh dear, what an awful situation Sad I have no idea what to suggest, I wouldn't want to send them either but I would want to give the CM a chance to explain her side of the story.