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Original poster

A concerned parent has just come to our door...

114 replies

thesoo · 30/10/2011 16:02

..to tell us that his wife has concerns about the way our childminder is caring for our son.
We have been using this childminder for about 9 months and she takes ds and dd to a childminding group. The husband of (presumably) another childminder came to our door an hour ago, spoke to my husband, and said that his wife wanted us to know that this childminder regularly leaves ds outside in all weathers, sometimes crying for all or part of this time, and has no way of knowing he is safe beacuse he cant be seen from inside. As if this is not distressing enough, she has also been seen shouting at him while he is outside in the buggy, wagging her finger and saying ' it is your fault, if you were not crying you could come in to play'. My son is 18 months old ffs. In tears as I write this.
I would never of suspected this of the cm as she seems quite caring and gentle. She has told me that she does sometimes let him sleep in the buggy if he is not in the mood to play, but would never have suspected this.
I am not sure what to do next. Obviously will speak to the cm and tell her what I have been told, but I can imagine that she will deny it. This husband said his wife did not want to identify herself. I feel that I need some other corroboration. The husband also said that other childminders in the group were a bit scared to approach her as she can be quite touchy.
I was not around when this guy came to the door so not sure what to do. Should I try to contact one of the other minders for their opinion? Don't want to arouse suspicions if it is not true or an exaggeration?
Kids are due to go to the cm tomorrow, don't want to send them, thats for sure, just not sure what to do next...help

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Original poster
thesoo · 30/10/2011 21:03

longjane - that is interesting, didn't think of it that way, quite unprofessional behaviour on the part of that childminder. Could she have an agenda. Going to extreme lengths to drum up a bit of business.

OP posts:
threefeethighandrising · 30/10/2011 20:57

There's no way I'd send my child back in this situation unless I knew 100% that the story was wrong.

Is your CM OFSTED registered? What's her report like?

If it was me I'd want to talk to the concerned parents myself, to get an idea what they're like. And the CM too.

However from what you've said, as Stay123 says as the concerned parents are being open about it, and also actually lodging a complaint then they seem credible.

What a horrible situation :(

I don't know if it'd be any help, but we found 2 lovely CMs through www.childcare.co.uk

hayleysd · 30/10/2011 20:50

Why has the other childminder allowed this to happen regularly? If I saw this once I would report it, maybe as another poster said its a difference of opinions eg one childminder may play out in a weathers, others will maybe prefer dry weather?

longjane · 30/10/2011 20:45

i would also find out who the Concerned parents chidlminder and NEVER use her as if she had wittness that behavior she should have reported straight away and not told her parents who you where . I would be reporting her myself.

Stay123 · 30/10/2011 20:40

I'd be inclined to believe them as they have left their address and been open about it. Don't go and try and spy on the session as she will see you and be as nice as pie to your children. I'd ring the childminder and say you don;t need her the following day then take your child to the playgroup yourself and ask the other mums what they have seen. If they say it is true then ring your childminder and say you don't want her anymore.

nannynick · 30/10/2011 20:31

At the moment you have the concerned parents and their childminder (whom you haven't yet spoken with - is that right) voicing concerns over the standard of care provided by a childminder you use.

They are going to take that down the right channel - reporting it to the regulator (assuming they feel unable to report to the childminder directly), so will then be up to the regulator to decide to do an investigation or not.

Your childminder was shocked and upset upon being told about the accusation. You are stuck in the middle and it's going to be hard for you as you don't know who to trust. I would hope that you felt you could trust your childminder, until proved wrong in placing that trust with them. Your childminder at least now knows about the accusation, so if it is true, they are not likely to be doing it this week are they... as they know others are watching.

Another childminder thinks it's nonsense - they may have known your childminder for many years but they may not know all that happens at your childminders home.

Where did the alleged incident take place? I think you are saying it took place at childminding group... so the childminder you have spoken with probably attends that group, so would have noticed something if it was happening.

Did you find out how they knew where you lived?

ChippingInAutumnLover · 30/10/2011 20:27

How did your DH leave it with your CM?

I'd still send them this week. She's either going to avoid the group this week or be extra attentive.

If you don't send your DS to her this week it is most likely to ruin your relationship with her and if you have been happy up until now that would be a real shame wouldn't it.

Is there anyone else who attends the group you could speak to?

Original poster
thesoo · 30/10/2011 20:24

Definitely our child. the group only runs one day a week and she only looks after our kids on that day. The concerned mother is a parent who picks her child up from the group, her CM knows who we are and told her roughly where we live, so that mystery is solved at least. I don't think it is malicious, as she said she doesn't even know our CM name.

OP posts:
lukewarmmama · 30/10/2011 20:20

What an awful situation Sad. If you've been using this CM for 9 months and have had no niggles or complaints so far, I would say there is a lot for trusting your instinct.

Clearly you need to talk to the leader of the group, and any other attendees, for their opinions. But if your CM was as cruel and heartless as this husband made her out to be, then the chances are you would have some little niggles with her by now, and noticed your DCs not being particularly happy there?

I had a similar (not so bad perhaps) situation, with a mum at a toddler group that the DCs go to with their CM. She came up to me in the park and said that my CM was ignoring my DD2, just chatting, and once she found her crawling beyond the baby gates towards the loos un-noticed. I was totally floored, as we'd been using her since DD1 was 8 months, so about 2 years, by this point. I went and spoke to the group leader, who said she hadn't noticed anything except for how lovely our CM was with the kids. With the 2 years history, and the fact that my DDs adored her, I just put it down to different parenting styles (ie this mum thought you should hover over babies all the time, my CM and me are both happy to let them toddle off and explore, whilst keeping an eye of course). Made me feel very nervous about using her for a while (although I never told her, as didn't want to upset her), but we've got past that now, and I'm glad we have, because she genuinely adds to my DCs lives.

Not saying you should ignore this, far from it, and there may be something to it - leaving a child out in the rain crying is not as easily explainable as just letting a child get on with playing by themselves. I hope you manage to get to the bottom of this soon.

RitaMorgan · 30/10/2011 20:06

How did they find out who you were? Is the woman sure she has the right CM/child?

hayleysd · 30/10/2011 19:58

Also just because you have sn ncma contract doesn't mean the cm is a member as any cm can buy them off the website.

hayleysd · 30/10/2011 19:53

As i understand it, The ncma are there for childminders, they offer us support/legal advice if we have a dispute with parents re pay/contracts or if we need to claim on our insurance, (not all cms are ncma members as we have to pay to join) it be worth a try but I've heard of other parents who've rung them about disputes and they aren't interested as its the childminders who are members. also we aren't regulated by ncma they are purely a support organisation so it's not upto them to decide if things are right/wrong.

Original poster
thesoo · 30/10/2011 19:52

DH has been round to both the CM and the concerned parents houses. CM denies everything completely, seemed genuinely shocked and upset. Concerned parents sticking to story and aghast at CM denial. Concerned parents chidlminder has also witnessed ds being left out, and left to cry.
Both sides seem equally credible/believable! The concerned parents will be lodging a complaint tomorrow.
I have spoken to another childminder, who backs up our childminder and thinks it is all nonsense.
No further forward. Have a solution for not sending kids this week which gives us a bit of time. Not sure beyond that. Just really want it to be not true.

OP posts:
FlyingPirates · 30/10/2011 19:42

I would definitely try and keep the children off if I could. Are you able to take a day off? I probably wouldnt be willing to put them back at all until the issue was resolved. You need more witnesses from the toddler group.

What a worrying time for you :( I hope it isnt true.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 30/10/2011 19:42

HUGS - it is horrible to hear something like this, really horrible.

I think I would see if I could speak to someone else who attends the group.

The CM is going to say she doesn't do this whether she does or not isn't she...

I'd rather see what I could find out first.

However, DH has gone already so too late for that.

exoticfruits · 30/10/2011 19:36

Is he happy to go? Is he all smiles when he sees her? I would be inclined to believe him-someone with a grudge probably wouldn't be so diffident about telling you.

anewyear · 30/10/2011 19:36

hayley - if the parent has an NCMA contract with the CM, why can they can they not ring them up for advice?

bump6 · 30/10/2011 19:31

Hi, just wondered how old your children are, wondered if they/one of them is of an age where you could ask what happens at the group. Also find it worrying that you say ds been left out in all weather...surely one of the childminders would have done something about this before at the group!!
Hope you get it all sorted quickly. Its a nightmare for you.

hayleysd · 30/10/2011 19:23

The ncma line is not for parents, sure start centres do run childminder only sessions so it could have been there. I would still be concerned as to how they know where you live.

I have been on the receiving end of two malicious complaints made about me by non cm's so someone clearly has a grudge. It will be awful for the cm if she has done nothing wrong.

nbee84 · 30/10/2011 19:15

I'm wondering if the group maybe not exclusively cm'ers if it's at a surestart centre. Could be a parent/carers group so the other lady may not be a cm'er - hence not reporting directly to Ofsted.

anewyear · 30/10/2011 19:15

Rattusrattus has a point,
but I would also like to point out its not just CM who can have grudges against other CM, for whatever reason..
unfortunatley there are some parents who dont want to pay their childminding fees, for reasons of their own, either to cause the CM a whole lot of trouble, or I guess they just dont understand the implications it can cause?

I take it you have a contract with her, NCMA or MM? If so ring the legal line up to get more advice, thats what they are there for.
And OFSTED for that matter, ring for advice, do it anonymously if you wish for the time being, if you can gather any evidence then go back and tell them what evidence youve have, they will take it from there.

hayleysd · 30/10/2011 18:44

Why did they not make an anonymous report to ofsted if they were so concerned?

lesstalkmoreaction · 30/10/2011 17:11

The childminder has a duty to report her concerns to ofsted who will then investigate, I would speak to her directly and encourage her to report it in the morning.I would also put in writing what your concerns are and speak to your childminder, she then has to reply in writing to you and the report has to be logged.
Do it all properly just in case their is an investigation and you wish to pull your child out of the care of this woman, as you would then be able to do so without notice.

MaternityNursesaregreat · 30/10/2011 17:09

Sorry, x-post with your husband going to see CM

MaternityNursesaregreat · 30/10/2011 17:05

It could well be someone with a grudge, or actually be true.
As you have their address I would definately be going around to see the couple together. Just get the wife's version of events.

Also, if you know the schedule that your CM has with the children, particularly what day/time they go to the childminding group with the CM,
keep your children home and return to CM on the day they go to the group.

I would go to the group session myself, without telling your CM and observe outside for the session. That way, whether she does or doesn't, at the appropriate time you can go in and speak with other carers there, or after the session has finished if nothing untoward appears to have occured.

Be cautious about accusations if you have been told by only one person, BUT obviously take measures to ensure the well-being of your children.

Wishing you the very best. Keep us updated.