A concerned parent has just come to our door...

Rosigirl ,awful for you, totally disgusting and sometimes I wonder why anybody does the so difficult job of child care.

.Rita her dd who presumably is a child says he 'cries a lot' sorry you would move your child for that??? seriously...

I had a mindee who cried for 3 weeks before she settled with me, non stop, she still cries with her own grand parents, some kids do and trust me it was hard to keep looking after her but I am a professional and felt I had to keep going, she is fine now but it probably sounded like she was being abused as she screamed non stop for 3 weeks to be honest she was abusing me as I nearly cracked under the strain..she is a doll now..

I have mindees who tell me stuff about parents arguing and I quote;'daddy saying unkind things to mummy', I dont obviously think oh my God Dad is a bastard and I will contact social services at once, get a bloody grip.

thesoo, a storm has been raised and not by you as you acted as you had to do so as a parent, as a cm I would be phoning Ofsted to demand them to investigate me and if your cm found to be innocent(as I suspect she is as you had no worries about her prior to this) I would be sending solicitors letters to all concerned,(not you)

I am amazed how quick posters seem to condem this cm, to give notice and therefore blast her business and reputation on what can be seen now as at least hearsay from one person and possible lies from both.

as said before how would all the hang her high posters on here like to be effectivly sacked, and worse be given a reputation as a child abuser, on gossip and heresay.. I bet you would be squealing to tribunerals..

the problem is that in truth there's no way of knowing whether or not this childminder is telling the truth.

Unfortunately my experience of childminders (not as a customer but as someone who has known various of them through school) I think this kind of thing is all too common and in truth there's A no way of knowing for certain and B it all comes down to one person's word against another.

It's all very well going to ofsted but their assessment only really counts for the day they come out (if they even bother) and as long as she's got her paperwork up to date and can deny deny deny and the babies in question are too young to confirm it's really a bit of a pointless process.

I would go with my gut feeling, and if you have a child that is generally unhappy at the CM and a CM who seems uncooperative then I would seek childcare elsewhere, preferably in a nursery tbh as at least then there is more than one person to look out for him.

How old is your DD? What does she say?

If your ds is crying a lot while he's there, I'd think about moving him based on that alone.

Even if they lodge a complaint all ofsted will do is ask versions of events from the various parties then decide what to do, I doubt they'd go as far as CCTV.

I had a malicious complaint made against me anonymously saying apparently a child fell of a chair banged their head and I did nothing, another childminder was with me and it didn't happen, the other childminder wrote me a support letter and I had to write a report as to what happened (or didn't happen but what I would do if it did) ofsted never even visited me I wish they had as it was dragged out for over a month.

I wouldn't go so much from your son crying when you leave him. My son was about 20 months when I left him with his childminder and he would cry all the time too. We had a break over summer and now he's just fine with it, so I think it's more an age thing. I think the not being upset when you pick him up is more an indication.

Hope you get it all cleared up and some peace of mind as soon as possible.

Agree with you TheBody, I have read this thread with interest and dread. So many have advised the OP to find new childcare, it really is awful that so many judge her guilty before proved innocent.

I have particularly malicious neighbours who have caused problems for many people in my village, I know they dislike children (tried to stop our village having a playground as said it would cause "havoc", we live in a village with 100 houses and no other facilities) and have regularly complained that people dropping off and picking up children block their drive (which is honest nonsense), I have a baby with a really piercing scream that has taken time to settle. To help her I walk around the garden as this calms her, but am so aware that they are listening and know they would love to cause trouble.

I am not saying that the OP should not look into this thoroughly look at all the evidence, as child abuse is disgusting, but I also find it odd that another childminder didn't automatically report all this, especially as it seems the evidence has been gathered over a period of time

"this childminder regularly leaves ds outside in all weathers, sometimes crying for all or part of this time"

that must mean she lives near the childminder otherwise, she has been watching her for a long period of time.

Remember this could have dire consequences for both her business and personal life and needs handling professionally by the proper authorities,

any more news on this OP?

yes agree with that post above re the trust but remember this is the cms business on the line.

its true that the trust seems to have been at best shaken but ' looking for a new child care solution' and all the attendant gossip and bad publicity for that cm(who may be entirely innocent of all this) is the end of her business and potentially her livlihood/house.

i pay our mortgage from childminding, I dont do it for pin money, or because I have littlies at home so its an easy option..

does any one on this thread expect to loose their job on gossip and hearsay???
especially those of you in the public sector, i suspect not and would expect most would go to a tribuneral for unfair dismissal.

the truth should be sort by Ofsted to either condemn or exhonerate this cm. anything less would be very unfair and she could of cause, if innocent, sue for slander, I would..

how horrid for you OP

a couple of things are not sitting well-

18m old son, is he happy to go, is he articulate enough that he could tell you what is going on even in a limited way?

if I witnessed something like this, I would be on the phone to the police/ss straight away no messing about. especially if i was a CM!

either way the trust has been eroded now, time to look for a new child care solution

But Maryz, it was the parents of the other chid that witnessed it/comforted the child, not their CM.

I think sometimes you do not no what to do for the best you have to be really sure of the facts before you start reporting people. Even if ofsted get involved its proveing it all. I would not send my child back.

thebody the OP says a few posts in that the concerned parents have said they're going to lodge a complaint (presumably wih OFSTED).

how does your ds react when you leave him with her?

see what I dont understand as a mum and a cm, if I saw anyone, parent or cm or nanny constantly neglecting, shouting or leaving a child outside in a car or buggy I would approach them myself not whisper behing backs and make accusations that I would not be prepered to back up. I would also contact the parents and be prepered to make a statment and contact Ofsted. so who are these people??

think its odd she was so reluctant to give her name as child abuse is so vile.

I think as a mum I would obviously want to investigate this of course and talk to as many other people as possible, who runs the group for a start?.

if a complaint is made then Ofsted will investigate it and then you will no more of the truth of this all rather than hearsay and gossip.

2 people looking at any child related situation may have totally different reactions to behaviour and discipline, unless a child is actually being assalted or clearly shouted at:

for instance If I say no to a child I mean no, i dont do bribing to behave, other parents might take a more laiser fayre approach and allow pester power for a quiet life, and see my approach as hard ,I use reins for small toddlers, some of the mums and cms at my school let them run all over the place, I see that as bloody dangerous and scares the crap out of me but they may see diving into the road to retrive their children as a bit of normal fun .... iyswim

poor you and poor cm if she is innocent of this, I have to be totally honest with you as a mum I totally understand your actions, what else could you do?

but as a cm this would devestate me totally and the trust between us would be broken, such a sad situation, let us all know what happens though.. good luck hun

Gosh so many what ifs. What if any of the childminders are lying? What if there's a case of mistaken identity? What if it's a huge misunderstanding?

I would also be very that a childminder who has apparently witnessed child abuse or behaviour she believes is improper would tell one of her parents instead of reporting it properly.

I think you?ll have to go to Ofsted with this one and present them with the evidence and let them investigate. Horrible for your cm, she may lose business if this gets out-even if she is totally innocent. And I?m surprised the other party hasn?t already reported her to Ofsted. Give your cm a ring and suggest she reports it herself as it is a complaint- no matter where it comes from, and then she can prepare for a visit from Ofsted knowing she has followed procedure.

CM is either guilty of neglect or innocent.

If she's innocent she would have been shocked and would have denied all knowledge
If guilty she would have have been shocked at being found out and would have denied all knowledge.

So it doesn't help, does it?

I can imagine another CM having an agenda to blacken the name of your CM (for whatever reason) - esp in small village settings (I live in a village myself and we could run our boilers on the hot air created by all the gossip that goes on), but I can't see the other parents having an agenda.

I'd trust the other parents if it were me.

tbh i wouldnt have said anything and then gone to spy check her out with your children at this child minding group and also at her house then said something but too late for that now

obv she is going to say she doesnt do this and act shocked

tbh im surprised that all the other parents/cms at this group havnt said anything

What a horrible situation. Fwiw, I wouldn't send my kids back to the childminder, if I could avoid it, until I felt more comfortable.

I'm a serial childminder user & am a big fan, but out of the three childminders I've used, when I left one, a number of parents then commented that they'd had concerns about her. But no-one had said anything to me. Yes, I did have niggling concerns, but it was only after I'd left that others also shared their concerns.
And from what my son has said since (he didn't say anything that caused me concerns at the time) his treatment wasn't great. Despite the fact he never wanted to leave/was reasonably keen to go etc.

I would be asking around as broadly as you can - childminder networks and friendships are not always immeadiately obvious, and the wider you cast your net, the more accurate your viewpoint is likely to be.