mum/dad around interferring even though sole charge!

Oh, dear. I got deleted again. I expect I won't be getting a christmas card from notnanny either.

Oh Dear! I think you are just not compatable, I was once asked at interview; By a first time mum what a nanny actually did! I answered "I expect to do everything for the child that the mother would do without taking the mothers place" I also asked her if she was good at her job? and she said yes! I answered " that caring for children was my job and yes, I was good at it". I was hired and had a long happy working relationship with a family who I still count as freinds

I don't have a problem with parents being around so long as they accept that they have hired me to care for the child and treat me with the same respect as I treat them with.

The little boy I care for at the moments is sunny and rarely a problem but on the rare occasions that mum or dad are home throws tantrums and becomes a different child, Parents realise this and keep a low profile.

Having said this I do think you and this family are not compatable. The parents obviously don't respect you and they obviously don't have a clue what sole charge is. They may be your bosses but that doesn't mean it's okay to move the goalpost without consultation. and yes, some of their negatives do sound petty but it's probably because they feel it's not working and aren't quite sure how to handle the situation.

It's not that nannies think they run the show but more that if mum or dad are around the child/children it can undermine the nanny and confuse the child. I have worked successfuly with parents at home but they have been wise enough to set boundaries

I think it was more to do with what you said about the size of it that got you deleted!!!

Blimey.

Well we have a nanny and I'm at home sometimes.

I don't like to get involved because it's not fair on DS and I'm paying his nanny to look after him. If he hurts himself, I won't come running because I trust my nanny to sort him out (he's 2).

As for flexibility - well I like to give her notice because changes in plans again aren't fair on DS or his nanny.

And I set out from the beginning what I like her do wrt chores etc.

It sounds like the OPs bosses are a bit nervous about the arrangements - I think the comments about "not fitting" with you are spot on. They might have been better off with someone who was less experienced (we took this option as knew we'd be able to say what we wanted instead of telling someone who's more likely to have their own ideas).

vstressednanny, You have been given some excellent advice from mums on this thread, you know. I think you should take it on board. You are coming across as a little uncompromising, superior, narrow-minded, judgmental and immature. You really aren't coming across as an experienced nanny and mum. I am not saying that you are any of those things, and obviously your feelings are being heightened by the situation you're in, but thats how you're coming across. And I wouldn't be surprosed if thats how you're coming across to your employer.

notnanny, I couldn't agree more with Squiffy. Its not wise to judge when you have no idea of the facts!

My nanny is sole charge but I would be shocked if her attitude would be to say I was interfering if I did go to my kids if they were crying etc. I work full time and recently had a baby - now 4 months and have been home. My nanny flexes around us that day - I might want to spend more time with the older dxs (7 and 5) or decide to have baba for day and go somewhere. Or I might say have a bit of a day off and go to gym if you want. If it didn't suit her plans, she wouldn't think twice about saying "actually, we have x playdate today or I was thinking of doing x. And I wouldn't think twice about saying "oh ok then".
Also nanny seems to think reading all these books re weaning, stimulating kids etc is not helpful. She is a parent - of course she's interested! Having a nanny doesn't mean a parent would defer to her judgement - sole charge or not!
There is no way a parent will not feel a dissatisfied nanny and I think this might be a fit issue. A first time parent will take a bit longer to pull the trigger because she will be nervous of upsetting routine and going back to drawing board but she may well arrive at that conclusion.
Our nanny has been with us five years.

Squiffy it's just as well your nanny lives on a sailing boat - with those unpredictable hours she wouldn't be able to commit to a proper rent or mortgage! You can't just say that the nanny has to put up with everything the parent throws at them - that may have been OK in the Victorian era, but workers have rights these days - respect costs nothing.

reading these threads I am amazed that any one could be a nanny or employ one unless they were full time out of the house and the nanny had sole charge. it must take massive give and take on both sides..

what i mean is that everyone has different approaches to parenting and style and it must be like treding on egg shells to be a parent and stand back if your child is crying and allow nanny to deal or as a nanny being frustrated at trying to set rules or a routine but find it frustrated by a parent popping up and changing things..nightmare for all.

i know how mindees can change in an instant from happy, sensible, settled little angels into tearing mad around the house, breaking all rules devils as soon as parents appear.

kisd sense dissent between adults caring for them and manipulate.

if I were you op I would quit, you dont see eye to eye and both you, parents and more importantly the child need carers to be on the same page and to actually get on.

So what have you done to make things better then?

I'm not saying they are easy employers, in fact they're probably not. But..... the way you deal with it can make the world of difference.

And actually, having your own child making you less employable is a fact, actually, not blinkered, and certainly not taking advantage of someone. Sure you have a choice as to whether to take a job or not. But if you reduce the number of nannying jobs either that are suitable, or are willing to hire you (regardless of how well you could do the job) then clearly you have less choice in the type of jobs you apply for.

Sorry, notnanny, but I disagree with your post. It is the parents house, the parents' child and the parent's employee. They determine the way in which the relationship works and the nanny either likes it or lumps it. It is not for the nanny to dictate that there will be no changes to the routine or whatever, but it is for the nanny to decide if she is being treated well, and if she likes the mix, or whether she should move on.

The fact that the parents run their own business is hugely relavent here. In our house it's the same. My nanny never knows if she'll be working for 3 hours or 6 when she arrives - it changes from day to day and we can never predict when our clients will need us. The variability happens to suit her down to the ground because she lives on a sailing boat and when the weather is right she knows she can call up and ask to skip work for a few days to take the boat out. She'd hate a structured environment and I simply can't provide one anyway.

My nanny, by the way, would be quite shocked if anyone suggested she wasn't treated 'professionally'. She is. She is well paid, we agree the kids routine together and she knows how much we respect her. She just simply operates in a flexible world.

The only reason I'm harping on on this thread is because I think there's a risk that the OP will continue to think that the job is tough because the mum is doing all the wrong things. That's just not the case, and I think there is a risk that the OP will feel 'put upon' and 'hard done by' and this will show. And if that happens then the parents could easily get fed up themselves and get rid (which they can do easily because she has only been there 3 months). There is no blame, just incompatibility, and the nanny needs to accept this because it will make life much easier. I am sure that it must be very frustrating to have the mum 'popping in' when trying to look after the baby, but if that's what the mum wants to do then there's bugger all that can be done about it other than accept it.

Personally, I also believe the OP should keep an eye out for another job, and move as soon as she finds one.

Yes, those things might have prompted her dissatisfaction, but she surely has a myriad of ways of dealing with the situation rather than just getting all stressed out and 'crying' because the mum finds it difficult to handle her child crying.

I'd have been bloody shocked too if my nanny cried at that!! (Although granted I wouldn't have just run off like that myself...).

But I don't think she's handling it all that well, and realistically having her own child makes her far less employable so she has no choice but to be flexible. There seems to be more nannies than nanny positions at the moment.

She may be a professional, but she is working in someone's home and looking after their child. Some parents find that awkward, especially, to begin with. They just don't really know how to handle it and what to do. They thought they were being helpful by allowing her to have a lie in. How were they to know that actually it made things more difficult for her? She should have just txt back and said 'actually I need to be there first thing in the morning anyway as I have my medication and DS's things for the morning at your house'.

The OPs boss has gone against the initial contract to work from home and keeps popping in to get involved with the baby - I think that was the issue that prompted her dissatisfaction. In many ways the parents are not allowing the nanny the control she needs in order to do a good job. I don't think you can 'go with the flow' in any job - clear lines need to be drawn.

I don't know tbh, I'm new to this, but I'd like to know if in all your years experience how things have worked out best - does nanny ever get treated like a professional or is she always treated like someone who should be grateful for a job!

I agree with Squiffy, your bosses are just going with the flow. You seem to need a heck of a lot of structure and rules in your work environment, which you just are not going to get in this house.

I really feel you just need to suck it up and deal with it. You are very fortunate in this climate to have a position that allows you to take your child to work. In those circumstances you can't really be choosy as to the exact conditions of your position.

Also, don't forget that while you have had loads of experience as a nanny, they haven't had loads of experience either as parents, or as parents with a nanny. They are feeling their way here, they aren't necessarily sure of exactly what they want from a nanny or what the exact working conditions will be. If you had given it any thought you would have taken the time to suggest ways of dealing with things instead of just getting all frustrated.

Point out to them that their DC acts differently when they are around - how else will they know that?, explain the difficulty of no noise when they are working from home, and see if you can schedule 'out' times for when they would want to make calls, etc. If they feel you are doing too much washing, why do they feel that? You seem to think you're not, they think you are, you need to work out why there is a difference of opinion here.

Doing a quick load of wash, preparing some food, keeping the house ticking over is actually quite difficult for some people, having all these things happening at the same time just doesn't work for can just be too hard for them, if she's one of them then perhaps she thinks that you are neglecting her DC in order to get these jobs done, whereas for you it's just a matter of popping a load in while the DCs are playing with the puzzles, folding the washing up while they're resting, whipping up a quick meal while they're cooking.

Hi vstressed - how did it go?

I think this is about separation anxiety - of the mother. I suggest you wean her off by setting certain hours as no-go ones - this would set up the idea that she can leave you to it and nothing bad will happen - just as you do with a child. It must be very hard for a mother to leave her baby with someone they don't know.

But there's nothing worse than parents getting involved when they feel like it, it undermines the professional relationship. If you set certain hours where they can't intervene it might be better.

"I was more frustrated as they dont organise with me in advance, its mostly last minute. Its never fair when I keep letting my contacts/friends down as parents dont let me know what they are upto"

It is standing there in front of your face and you don't see it. You need routine and organisation, they need laissez-faire and someone who bends in the wind.

All of the things you have said have wound you up would have been water off a ducks back to my nanny. She wouldn't have blinked an eyelid if I'd told her the bath water was too cold or that she needed to put things in bags in the fridge. And she wouldn't have batted an eyelid if I'd wandered in whilst she was working. It's not because she's a better nanny, and it's certainly not because I'm a better employer (hahahahaha), it's simply because we fit together so well. That's your problem, not the individual stuff.

And accusing her is concealing things in interview is frankly ludicrous. She sounds like just the sort of disorganised parent that I am. If she knew she was going to be at home she'd have no reason to say otherwise - why would she want to take on someone who would obviously be unhappy in the role given?

And if you would have taken the job anyway, why are you complaining that you have reached the last straw? What are you wanting to do from this point onwards?

You need a role that is clear-cut and routine-based. They need someone who goes with the flow. Nothing will fundamentally change that.

It is simply not the role for you. I'd have a conversation along those lines with the mother, rather than both of you trying to twist and turn to make it work.

I am sure half the 'petty' things that she comes out with are simply because she can't explain to you why it doesn't feel right from her side, and some of the stuff you mention as being stressful don't come out very well when you write them down. At the heart of it thought she needs someone really laid back, and that's simply not you. Just as you need to know what you are doing, when. Some mums would kill for someone like you who is obviously racing round doing stuff and cooking and the like all day, but she's not that type, ands nothing will make her like that.

I'm working for someone that works from home for part of the day. I find it very difficult as the children act up to get his attention. Their behaviour is deliberately bad and I get indirectly blamed for it because I should have prevented it. I do think that parents that work from home don't really consider the confused mixed messages their children get because they are in the same home but rejecting their childrens attention. This must be particularly confusing for babies and I agree that it's unfair of the parents to interfere - not unfair to the nanny (I think she's not complaining for herself here) - but to the baby or child.

I have to agree with others that I don't think this role is right for you.

I work in a similar role. I have a parent who works from home full time and I bring my child to work with me. Admittedly I didn't feel it was made clear at interview that the parent would be working from home but I've adapted and it works. I've been with my current family nearly 2.5 years now. Parent does generally leave me to it but does like to be involved with the children if they can i.e. take them out for treats, do the school runs etc and it has happened without warning so upsetting my routine, or my ds, a bit. However, they are the parents and I am not. If they want to take the children out to lunch for a treat, or to soft play then that's entirely up to them.

We also run into the noise problem sometimes. My charges are older than yours (youngest is 4) and they do have moments where they would like nothing more than to run around the house shrieking! This causes problems because parent's work involves a lot of phonecalls and obviously the last thing you need is a small child screaming in the background. When we have days like this I find somewhere to go out. Obviously it would be more difficult for you because your charge is much younger and I expect you have stricter mealtimes and naps to consider. When my youngest charge still napped but the oldest was at school I would have some quiet time with my son. We would read some favourite books, do some drawing or sticking etc and catch up on things he would like to do.

I think what it comes down to is that as much as it would make my job much easier if I didn't have a parent working from home, or if they stayed completely separate from the children while I was working, it's not feasible for me to expect them to do that. They are the parents and it's a natural instinct to want to raise and care for your own children and I have no right interfering in that.

I was thinking that this just sounded like a bit of a mismatch bit did you seriously say that "I don't mind them working from home if they keep themselves to themselves"?

I think if I tried that attitude with ANY boss they would, quite rightly, tell me where to stick it and who was in charge! If that is seriously how you think I would say its definitely time to move on.