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Original poster

giving a warning - do things ever work out after this?

41 replies

FootballFriendSays · 28/09/2011 21:52

I'm thinking of giving a first and final warning to our live in nanny. She's been with us for 6 weeks. Do things ever improve after a warning or is this just going through the motions for both parties and we should both start looking for someone new?

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Original poster
FootballFriendSays · 29/09/2011 21:55

Well, I slept on it and fretted over it. About 11am I finally broached the subject, she listened and looked at me and said 'yes', i.e. she had indeed been in her room watching TV with her door shut. (FWIW her room is on the ground floor, over the hall from the living room where the kids were.) No apologies, no 'that was wrong or irresponsible or unacceptable'. She didn't even blush. She was a bit over-friendly immediately after, but I was still pissed off. I don't know if she quite realised how serious it was. Before I left for something work-related I said that I'm going with a heavy heart and that I needed to trust her. I started crying.

Now I'm just angry and weary and don't know what to do. Her only job is to look after the kids, no cooking (heating food only), no washing, no hoovering, no changing the kids bedding, nothing at all, nothing. She's paid v well (in fact I paid her 6 weeks in advance so she could clear some debts, she hasn't even worked for her money yet). I quite liked her because she's calm, not gossipy or drama queen etc.

Dh thinks it's natural justice to give her a chance to improve. I can't look her in the eye because all I see is a woman who thinks i'm an idiot and has no respect for me or my children. I checked discreetly with DD1 and straightforward with DS and it happens most days.

OP posts:
breatheslowly · 29/09/2011 19:40

How did it go?

redglow · 29/09/2011 19:33

Why should she be watching Television when she is supposed to be working, thats not fair.

thebody · 29/09/2011 10:58

she sounds pretty useless, how awful for you and how unfair and lazy of her to behave like this when she is being paid and trusted to be there for your dcs.

so many lovely nannys on here and they will be horrified.

good luck and if poss get rid.

stepmad · 29/09/2011 01:52

Hope that things went well.
As a live in nanny the only time that i would ever go to my room to watch tv is when baby sitting the youngest is already sleeping at 5 and the eledst at 11.5 has a friend over and they are watching a film in bed even then my door is open. If the tv is on after school at all for the youngest it tends not to be. Then would not watch it with him but doing other stuff near by and in and out.

magicOC · 28/09/2011 23:43

Good luck. Hope it goes well.

I'm off to bed now, have 2 little ones that will well and truly keep me on my toes tomorrow Grin.

Night.

Original poster
FootballFriendSays · 28/09/2011 23:36

Thanks magicOC. I have tomorrow morning off, I'll try and have a chat. I'll let you know how things went, I must be able to trust her.

OP posts:
magicOC · 28/09/2011 23:16

X-posts with cat.

magicOC · 28/09/2011 23:14

I can't advise on confrontation, I hate it too Sad Smile
What I will say though is, I don't understand why she would leave them alone, that is just so wrong.

OK we are known to pop to the loo, put a wash load on, clear the dishwasher or just potter around while the children are in front of the tv (generally let them have a chill-out 15/20 mins after school), but, always within sight or earshot of the children to know exactly what they are up to.

She should not be in her room watching tv especially if her door is closed.

You say she has been with you 6wks? Why not have a chat over a coffee about how you both feel things are going in the new job? Good way to bring up niggle points.

Good luck with the handbook.

Original poster
FootballFriendSays · 28/09/2011 23:10

Thanks, cat64, that's kind of what I was thinking too. Looking after the kids should be the job. She has 3 hours off during the day when all at school, so could be watching TV, making/taking calls then. I don't mind her not sitting with them to watch The Simpsons but to be within hearing distance of arguments between the kids, balls bouncing off the wall etc. I'll see how she reacts, although I'm not exactly assertive.

OP posts:
cat64 · 28/09/2011 23:04

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Original poster
FootballFriendSays · 28/09/2011 22:57

Thanks for your input. The kids were watching The Simpsons at the time (we allow them to). It only came up in conversation with them as DD1 told on DS bouncing a tennis ball off the wall above the TV. We told him off for 1) potentially smashing the TV, 2) disturbing the neighbour next door whose living room wall backs onto ours, 3) disturbing the watching for the DDs. After telling off DS I thought, hang on, what was X doing at this time? Then they said it happens most days. DD2 is only 4 and I don't think she should be left in the care of her older siblings just yet.

I'm not confrontational and I don't know how to approach this. I found a handbook on here which I might print and give X and go through the points together.

OP posts:
magicOC · 28/09/2011 22:48

You need to have a good stern talk to her regarding what duties and standard of care you expect from her, that is pretty unprofessional of her, but, I don't think I would give a final warning for this. (I am a Nanny tho, not a mum, but, i'm also very professional in my job).

I'd say you need to sit down and chat with her to go over a few points.

It's not nagging either. You pay someone to provide a certain level of care, you call the shots.

Original poster
FootballFriendSays · 28/09/2011 22:42

I suppose I don't want to be a nag, which is why I thought it should be once only. She watched telly (in her room, door shut) instead of looking after the kids. Pretty basic stuff, you'd think.

OP posts:
cat64 · 28/09/2011 22:19

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magicOC · 28/09/2011 22:15

What did she do that was/is so bad that this is her first and final warning?

A lot would depend on the seriousness of the matter. I do believe tho that things don't have to go down hill. A good talking too might just do the trick and she will get her act together and improve, but, as I said earlier a lot would depend on what the problem is in the first place.

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