2 year old put in corner for 10 minutes. Right or wrong?

At my nursery I had a 'thinking chair' (I dont 'do' naughty chairs/steps/squares) and if a child had hurt another child or was generally having a bit of a tantrum they would be guided to sit in the chair either alone or on my knee and we would have a cuddle and a chat look at what was going on in the room who was playing nicely,who was wearing red shoes,whether the fat blackbird was in the garden,how the fish were swimming anything anything anything then when the child was calm we would set about putting things right making friends with the child he/she was cross with,hugs if appropriate or finding another friend to play with - sometimes even sitting together looking at a book.

I dont believe that 2 year olds understand actions and consequences I know some posters have said their dc definitely does but its not something I have seen- so really lots of continued reminders for example Harry might be a biter so youd continually tell him how lovely he was playing and how clever he is to remember we dont like biting at nursery etc - a positive approach to a negative action.

Oh good leeloo :) I like the hug/stroke thing too

The thing is most people are reading the situation that the toddler was put in a corner facing the wall and left for 10 mins.

I read it that he was asked to go into a corner and repeatedly over a 10 minute period asked to apologise, wasn't ignored or left alone, which are 2 very different things.

ok be flayed for this but as i understand the situation..

stroppy toddler acted as stroppy toddlers do

toddler tried to assert her authority and wouldnt say sorry

cm dealt with this as children have to ultimatly understand right from wrong dont they????(child wasnt mortally injured just sat in the corner ffs)

toddler apologised.

situation resolved

mum complains... tbh dont get it...

still i am always amazed at the school run when mums and dads ask a child to do something and the child ignores them and parent laughs and shrugs..

amazing

:) In that case Christina we're not disagreeing - as thats all I'd do. I generally ask them to give a hug (or stroke) to make the injured party feel better and model saying sorry too.

I can see why someone following the supernanny plan would keep putting them back until they can apologise, but agree that would be more suitable for an older child.

[wonders how I ended up 'arguing' with someone when we'd do the same thing? :)]

I think it's wrong and a childminder should know this.

At DDs nursery they had a time out chair used for violent or aggressive behaviour which would include hair pulling I guess but:

-they didn't use it until they were 3
-they had an egg timer so only stayed there for 3 minutes max
-they didn't have to say sorry, but this was encouraged

I would expect any childminder to understand how time out works TBH.

I would remove from the situation for max two minutes, then explain calmly that it is unkind to pull hair and that it is important that we are kind to one another.

And leave it at that. This is not a massive transgression and making a two year old stand in a corner until they say sorry is making it into a much bigger deal than it is. However advanced a two year old, they don't have the verbal and reasoning skills necessary to communicate properly which is why they resort to physical stuff when they're frustrated.

CristinadellaPizza - I said it was a technique used on supernanny.

Actually yes my son would remember and many of his peers would too. But it depends on the level of their understanding (and language to express it). Someone upthread said that they'd use thinking time for a 3 year tld, but not a 2 year old, but where do you draw the line - there are intelligent/advanced 2 year olds and more immature 3 year olds. Or you'd not use it the day before their 3rd birthday, but would the day after? All I'm trying to say is it depends on the child - the CM obviously thought it was appropriate and she is the one who was there at the time.

I agree it can be a battle of wills, but then sometimes that is necessary to progress in the relationship - as they have to accept that you are ultimately 'the boss' and they need to respect your authority (as you respect theirs in other circumstances).

What would you recommend in this situation then?

As for corner as well? I would not approve of anybody asking my child to sit in corner if facing the wall. I had a fit when swimming instructor had my son out of the pool facing the wall. It's damn humiliating and imo a very outdated punishment.

Sorry ... somehow missed the bits alread said about Supernanny

Wrong, but ... I'm thinking of Supernanny here. She says 1 min per yr of age (ie 2 mins), but that doesn't start until the child sits still and starts again if they don't apologise properly, so I suppose she could put a 2 yr old in the corner for 10 mins.

Personally, I wouldn't do it.

I put a child in time out at toddlers this week, with a "you can join in again when you're going to be nice". A parent asked me if this works. I pointed out that each child is different and different sanctions are appropriate in each case.

leeloo - do you believe a child that age actually understands or remembers what they've done that was so wrong if you leave them in the corner that long? What is the point in getting them to stand there another two minutes until they say sorry, particularly as you've said that sorry actually means nothing if you don't mean it. That's just a battle of wills isn't it? And that's a pointless battle with a child of that age

10 mins for a 2YO is waaaaay too long :(

Stood in a corner for 10 minutes, this is far too harsh, I would find a different childminder.

As with body and Rosie, My 2 boys often take a back seat to the mindees..

agree with the body about the CM children stuff.

also I have 2 two year olds and they are very capable of saying sorry. One little girl is going through a real bad scratching/hair pulling/pushing hard in chest episode (2.6y) and fully understands what she is doing (especially when she wants someone else's toy), mum is also struggling at home and so with her agreement (she is also doing it at home) immediately take her out of play, tell her that it was not nice and please say sorry. Sometimes she will straight away, but other times refuse, as she knows what it means and really doesn't want to, I don't sit her on a naughty step or anything, but she doesn't join in until she says sorry,or gives the other child a hug/kiss. I don't ignore her, but give the hurt child attention and as soon as the apology comes in whatever fashion, she is also given a big hug and welcomed back into whatever we are doing.

agree with a lot of what leeloo says.

it all depends on circumstances leading up to this, has she dont this before??

i do have a naughty step, i think its very important for the children to understand that an action has concequences, so biting, scratching, slapping, pullin hair etc is naughty and unacceptable

some 2 year olds are very bright and do understand that causing pain to another child hurts but obviously they cant put the brakes on actions as too young.

i would have definatly removed her from the situation and sat her on the step, 10 minutes does sound a long time and in my setting its never taken that long for an apology.

i fully accept that most apologys are a matter of form(adults do this all the time) but that doesnt mean that it shouldnt be said.

you need to chat to your cm,

you need to discipline ypour daughter if she does this again with you, pulling hair isnt nice.

to the poster who commented that this was because it was the cms own child can i politly say bollocks, in my house my dcs are always being asked to make allowances for the mindees

I think it depends on the 2 year old and their level of language and understanding - mine definitely understands actions and consequences - also on what their behaviour was prior to the incident. It could be the 10th time they've pulled hair over the last few days? Or it could be that they were rude to the CM when asked to apologise? I have known some children who are quick to hurt, then say sorry just as quickly as if it cancels it out and it actually means nothing, beyond that they've learnt to say sorry - eventually you have to have some consequence beyond the saying sorry and a couple of mins 'thinking time' before apologising may achieve this?!

On the supernanny shows it is 1min per year of age, but if they don't apologise then another 2 mins...

Its unlikely the CM timed the 10 mins, so it could have been 5-6, as left for 2 mins, didn't apologise, left for another 2 mins, didn't apologise, left for 2 and then apologised? I wouldn't be too cross, but if you are then talk to her about the repercussions you'd like to happen in future.

I have used a 'thinking step' for my own children and for mindees but I agree completely with the post above that a 2yr is too young. I would only start using it from about age 3 and not for such a long time.

A swift 'NO' and get the child to perhaps say sorry or shake hands would have been more appropriate, 2 yr old simply would not understand standing in a corner .

3 year olds are the ones to sit in time-out for a minute of each year of their life (3 mins). They start asserting their authority from about 2.5 and can understand that they are doing wrong.

I am a cm, ?they? say (don?t know who ?they? are) that a child can be in the ?thinking corner? for 1 minutes of every year of age, so a 2 yr old it would be 2 minutes. I think you should have a conversation with your childminder about behaviour management, she will have a policy on it and should be able to tell you roughly how she deals with situations, but you should have had this conversation at the beginning anyway and agreed how you would like unwanted behaviour to be ?managed?..
Personally I do not use a naughty/quiet/thinking corner, I may suggest to a child that they might want to read a book or sit quietly for a minute while they calm down, and I do not make children say sorry, I suggest they say sorry, if they do not then I say that makes me and the other child feel a bit sad ?.but that just my idea of things. Of course its all age/stage related.
Talk to your cmer, has hair pulling been a problem before? How do you deal with it at home? if you feel 10 minutes is too long then ask her to shorten it to a couple of minutes, or manage things differently.

Well tbh, i think 1 min for every year is too long too. Young children have no conspect of time and if you were asked to sit for one mintue you would reliase how long it feels.
As for saying sorry, not sure it teaches much other than if you say it, you get to move of quicker, doesnt teach remorse, its just a word. Better to talk about the impact and how it made person feel imo.

BUT 10 is wayyy too long imo

Too extreme - prob because was childminder's own child. Punishment would have been less severe had it been another mindee, I'd bet.
10 mins is a lifetime when you're 2.

If it was the first time, a gentle "we don't pull hair because it hurts people and makes them feel sad" would have sufficed and the childminder should know this.