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Original poster

Is this nanny going to work out? Advice please..

29 replies

MammyT · 15/08/2011 13:03

We have a nanny who has been with us some months. The hours are p/t but we pay 10 hrs extra for nanny duties in term time. We pay a good hourly wage, all declared and above board.

I'm not sure our nanny is working out. None of the problems are in themselves big issues, but all combined, I don't think she is the right person for us. She brings the kids for 'coffees' twice a week and doesn't even combine this with the playground or visiting friends. She buys them all types of tat - plastics bits and bobs for a quid or two and yet more bracelets/trinkets. I don't object to the money but now my kids are asking for things all the time when we're out. She seems to run around in our car on little errands (supposedly one-offs), goes to parks we don't know but can't tell me the names or where they are afterwards, is very unforthcoming when asked what the kids did/ate. Even though we're paying her to do nursery duties, only the basics are done and she won't do any kids' ironing if there is adult stuff in the pile (i.e. won't sort through).

That said, the kids seem to like her but don't actually spend much time doing things with her. I get the impression she lets them run around and play in the house but doesn't guide them much. They say she's "texting" - this may not obviously be true as kids are quite unreliable witnesses.

I had hoped that in time, other parents would allow p/dates in our house but there's no chance of that as she doesn't try to relate/talk to the parents.

We've been giving active feedback on all of the above, one at a time, and that particular thing is more or less sorted.. But it's a slow process. On paper, she had a lot of experience. She is not qualified though well educated. One of the references came back to me and was positive though said she's better with kids than parents.

Should we cut our losses or keep up with the active feedback? Has anyone else turned around an 'okay' nanny into a brilliant one? My husband's view is that the kids are happy so leave it.

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redglow · 15/08/2011 20:01

I agree with a lot of the others sit down and say whats wrong, then see if she changes. xaf I have been a nanny for over twenty years and very happy with what I get paid. Not all people that employ nannies have loads of money.

Why is she not doing the ironing? sounds a bit of a taker to me.

Original poster
MammyT · 15/08/2011 17:39

Yes, I think I'm definitely on a steep learning curve when it comes to nannies. We've had such positive experiences in the past but have struggled now that we're offering less than 40 hours..

Thanks everyone for the great input.

OP posts:
candr · 15/08/2011 17:38

I have worked as a nanny and if the mum asks questions about what the children have done / eaten etc those questions should be answered. If you want her to take them to a certain park or eat a certain meal she should do it unless there is a reason for not doing it. She sounds like a bit of a slacker to me and should be doing the job as she enjoys interacting with children. There will be times they watch telly an should be encouraged to play by themselves but it sounds like you are being fobbed off a bit and need to put your foot down about your expectations which is a good time to introduce a new routine like a calender with activites / chores on it that you and she can decide together. This allows your and her running around jobs to be incorperated and no excuse for not remembering what happened during the day. Buying tat for the kids is a bit of an excuse for them to give her some space, a nice little treat every now and again is different - who is paying for them? It makes it hard for your DC to know different sets of rules about treats. If she doesn't change then find someone you are happy with as it will be better for your DC too.

Dozer · 15/08/2011 17:31

Even before the latest incident would say get rid, trust your instincts.

Also, kids are not necessarily the best judge of who is a good carer and may well be even happier with someone else.

fraktious · 15/08/2011 17:26

Ah, x-posted

Good luck! Sounds serious enough that you'll be looking for a new nanny.

fraktious · 15/08/2011 17:24

OP sit down, raise the issues, agree strategies and a timeline for improvement. If she fails to improve at all then get rid, if she makes token efforts repeat the procedure.

You have to tighten up if you want her to improve. She sounds like she's taking miles when you're giving inches and you want quite a drastic turnaround.

So make it clear the kitty is not for tat, trips are to be local, kids are to eat at home, playdates replace expensive outings, mileage oz to be kept to a minimum. Mutter darkly about money and belt tightening if you don't want to address it head on.

This may work. However my feeling from what you've said is that you fundamentally don't gel and it's difficult to make a reactive nanny into a proactive one.

It's easier to get rid before a year, if you go over that year then your chat will count towards initiating disciplinary action.

xaf · 15/08/2011 17:23

Can i just say thank you ive enjoyed chatting on here today,informitive and helpful and looking at other links i have found some interesting things!

Xavia.

Original poster
MammyT · 15/08/2011 17:17

Thanks for all the opinions..

I can assure you that we pay our nanny well and are fully declared for tax etc. This is particularly generous given that while she's doing the extra 10 hours of 'nursery duties', she is not minding children as well. I think she has a good deal tbh.

We have spoken lots on every topic but after an incident today, we'll have to reconsider. I don't want to post details in case she or I are identified but extreme lateness which would have gone unnoticed in the normal course of events became obvious.

Thanks again to all who posted.

OP posts:
xaf · 15/08/2011 16:45

Ive had bad,ok,good and exelent jobs throughout my 20yrs nannynick and my current family are amazing,have been very lucky this time.
I think some bosses take the mick when it comes to paying fairly,or not paying tax or only half tax,ive worked for very,very rich people and not so rich so ive seen a wide spectrum but i do think you pay for what you get!!
At the end of the day if you look after your nanny she will look after you and your family!:-)

Strix · 15/08/2011 16:36

You have obviously had a bad experience, xaf. But there are lots of people out there paying a small fotune for childcare. So I don't really get this childcarers are poor paid song and dance. I get a bit fed up with giving most of money over to childcare only to be told I don't pay enough.

nannynick · 15/08/2011 16:35

Xaf - are you saying that most nannies are not nannies for very long. I must be doing well in that case having been nannying 7 years.

xaf · 15/08/2011 16:17

@strix....Lucky u hun!

Strix · 15/08/2011 14:12

In my neck of the woods, childcare is not a badly paid professsion. Hmm

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/08/2011 14:08

if you havnt told your nanny then you are not happy/dont want her to buy things etc, then how is she meant to know

us nannies are NOT mind readers and maybe she did that in her ex job and her mb was happy with it

your kids are happy, that means a lot imho

so have a chat over a glass of wine and see what happens a month on

xaf · 15/08/2011 14:07

I meant as in some nannies are nannies because it might fit in with there life hrs,pay that sort of thing or there traveling through,but childcare is so badly paid that people wanting to train at college to be a carrer nanny are few and far between and in my experience change carrers after afew years as there circumstances change to fit in with there lives.

I have only done 2 things in my life and both are a vocation as there mostly badly paid,i choose to be a nanny and a caterer both of which i adore and i couldnt see myself doing anything else!!!I love my job and my boy!

Strix · 15/08/2011 14:01

Having a pregnant nanny costs a lot more than maternity pay, which is reimbursed by the govt but is still an admin pain. But, the real hassle is having to keep that job open for a year and pay an inflated temp nanny rate to cover. That is unaffordable for many people. So, whilst the comment was not ideally worded, as an employer, I do understand why one might wish to avoid the potential situation.

Novstar · 15/08/2011 13:59

Really? "most" nannies shouldn't be nannies? can't say that agrees with my experience, most of them have been hard working and competent. If a little clueless about tax...

xaf · 15/08/2011 13:52

@Novstar,i am glad u went on to have a happy and productive time with your nxt nannies.

I think you can aslo give the same argument about giving notice when pregnant to any employment as it all applies,its just the way you wrote it made it sound like you had had a bad experience with this subject.

Being a nanny is a vocation not a job and most nannies out there unfortunately shouldnt be nannies,its a shame but true!

Novstar · 15/08/2011 13:45

xaf: I'm not saying that all nannies want to get pregnant, I've never even had that experience. And anyway maternity pay comes from the government, not the employer (as I am sure you know).

My point was that, from an employer's point of view, giving notice to someone once they are pregnant, and/or someone once they stay for more than a year, leads to a totally different set of problems, so if you have performance issues then you need to act timely (as I'm sure you also know).

Yes I had a crap nanny once and I am still extremly negative about her, but I have been very very happy with all my nannies since then, thank you.

TheOriginalFAB · 15/08/2011 13:45

I used to be a nanny and would always act if the mum asked for changes. Wouldn't have crossed my mind not too and would have expected to be let go if I didn't. It is time to give her another talk, maybe a warning.

Strix · 15/08/2011 13:41

I agree that I would cut my losses before she hits the one year mark. If the employee/employer relationship hasn't found harmony in a year, it probably never will.

Strix · 15/08/2011 13:38

Get a nanny diary and use this as a tool to govern and communicate. Make general feedback of the day (where they went, their general attitude, what they ate, etc.) a requirement at the end of each day. We have one and to be honest nanny / au pair is much better at writing in it then I am. But it's there if I need it.

MilkNoSugarPlease · 15/08/2011 13:38

"and before she announces pregnancy." er, WHAT?!

xaf · 15/08/2011 13:36

@nannynic i totally agree with everything you have written,good advice hun!

xaf · 15/08/2011 13:35

@Novstar:I read ur answer with some interest and was quite disheartened at your negativity on the subject and your perseption that all nannies want to get pregnant???i do not want children and i have worked with babies and children for 20yrs,im sorry you did not seem to have a happy situation with your nanny but not all nannies are out to get maternity pay from there bosses:-/I hope that if you had another nanny it worked out better for you.
I do hope this wasnt rude in anyway it is just my PERSONAL oppinion only on the subject
Xavia.