nanny keeps house very clean, but is she playing with the kids??

Put up a hidden camera, then you will know for sure.

This is probably the control freak in me but..... I don't think I could not know what my children are doing all day with the nanny. We keep a nanny diary. It gets completed each day with brief details of sleeps, food and nappy/potty plus a narrative at the bottom as to what they have done that day or anything new with dc. Nanny writes in it last thing each day, I add to it each day and I also update it at the weekend so she knows what they have been up to or anything new they have done. I would suggest you do the same.

My nanny is very good at coming up with new activities for them to do, and she will also take my lead if I have done something which was successful. On top of that I have some scheduled activity classes during the week. Again I would do this if you think your dc would enjoy it.

Finally, my nanny is a ruddy genius and manages to be organised at getting everything done and keeping the house tidy. I say she is a genius as I do it at the weekend and its a real effort but my nanny manages to make it all look effortless. Just because its a struggle for you and me doesn't mean that our nannies are similarly challenged!

I have 3 charges under the age of 3 and all 3 of them are involved in household duties. They help me to unload the dishwasher (only plastic items), unload the washing machine and put the clothe on drier and tidying up is a must at the end of the day. They are all helping me, that's how I get on with the house stuff :).

As for activities, I do a lot with them but I also let them play on their own. I am very affectionate but the nearly 3yr old kids are not :).

As to the attachment thing- I've worked for families where the parents have gotten a little jealous of my relationship with the children, and once in a job where mumboss was a bit 'off' if I gave cuddles and kisses, like I was doing something wrong so I stopped. Perhaps nanny isn't showing affection for reasons like that? After working for that family it took a new mumboss saying 'give nanny a kiss goodbye' to the child to meake me see that wasn't EVERY parent who felt that way. And particularly after working in a nursery- I once planted a little kiss on the head of one of the 6 month olds and got so told off. Like threatened with discipline, refered to manager. Poor little mite was there all day long with no affection because of the rules. Had I gone from that setting strait into nannying I know I would have been less affectionate than I am now.

About the clean thing.... well I have two charges, 10m and 3.5y and I have yet to manage to have the house pristine when parents arrive- even today I stayed behind to wash the bottles! Ran out of time with teatime/bathtime. Count yourself lucky! Children need time to play alone, time with 'guided' play, and time when they guide their play with an adult. If nanny has made her routine so that there is good time to clean and tidy while the children are entertaining themselves, then thats what all of us are trying to achieve! A working routine!

But I have to say.... if I really have to choose between making the house look presentable for the parents or rolling around on the floor with my giggly girls I know what I would choose!

Do you get photos of your children sent to you? These days I find that photos can be good way of showing some of the things we have done.

Do they drive, are they driving their own car? If so, mileage records will help show what they do during the day.

Maybe just try to encourage her to spend more time outdoors. Pre-school is probably only term time, so half term soon and summer holiday, so presumably the children would be going out more then - thus might reduce the amount of household chores that get done at home.

My goodness, your nanny sounds wonderful!!! Don't forget before she arrives and after she leaves she doesn't have children to look after, and can just relax. Whereas when you were at home with the DC you had them all day, and probably were woken up through out the night as well. It's also easier to be focused on a job, compared to being at home all day, or it is for me !!!

If your nanny spent all day every day playing with both children you would end up with children who weren't able to entertain themselves, not something I would particularly want!

I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing if your nanny isn't full-on playing with your DCs all day. It is really good for DCs to occupy themselves and, to be honest, when my DD was little I really didn't have time (or energy) to interact with her all day. We have a very happy relationship where she gets on with things and I get on with things side by side, sometimes doing stuff together and sometimes not.

Is the baby happy when you get home or bored and grizzly?

FAB - she's not doing 'so much housework' she's emptying a dishwasher, hanging out washing and tidying up toys!!

I can understand that you are worried about her not doing enough with them or being affectionate enough with them and without knowing her I can't comment on that really. But here are a few thoughts...

Everyone is different - just because it's not something you can do, doesn't mean it's not possible to do it. I am quite capable of having a very busy day with 2 pre-schoolers full of games, messy play, 'art', 'baking' etc and yet still have the house looking very clean & tidy by 6pm because that's how I like it. It is just a matter of being organised and having a routine/system - which I know comes naturally to some and not to others and is easier with some children than others. It is also not important to some people and that's fine too - I don't care what anyone else does or what their house is like - so long as they can find the kettle!!

I tidy between activities, the children do play on their own for some of the day which is a vital life skill (yes, even for the 10 month old) to learn. Your nanny is there to look after them, not act as some full on entertainment program or you will end up with kids who require entertaining and are unable to amuse themselves or use their imagination and a final tidy up before dinner. After dinner it's upstairs for bath/story/bed.

Your kids are HAPPY... your 3.5 year old would tell you if they weren't and your baby would cry when the nanny came.

Likewise with her being affectionate when you are there - she may just be a bit reticent to step on your toes being too huggy when you have just got in from work and haven't seen them all day.

While it is true no one can be as besotted with your children as you are I used to work as a nanny and I was always all over the children when I arrived and had a big cuddle and kiss good bye when I left.

Ask her how she manages to do so much housework. Do both children nap? Or just tell her not to do anything other than X as you want the children played with. TBF I did lots of extra household duties as the babies did nap and I was very efficient.

Hmmm...make it clear to her you are grateful, but that it's not necessary for her to keep the house tidy.

Provide her with a list of activities you would like your DC to engage in, and ask her to photograph the evidence. A trained nanny should be more than happy to do this, especially with the older child.

I understand it's the interaction part that concerns you, though. How long has she been with you?

Does she keep a nanny diary? Our nanny writes down every day what the children have done/eaten/slept. It was partly so I could keep track of what food they were eating so I didnt' give them the same meals on my days off, but also partly because I like knowing about the things they're doing. It's nice to come home from work to find out they've spent an hour making pasta robots or whatever... Perhaps you could ask her to start something like this?

IMO it's not a terrible thing for children to be left to play on their own for quite a bit. It's very good for their imagination, and I'm happy for our nanny to leave my two to play on their own for quite some time, but I do ask that she takes them outside to the park or something once a day.