nanny keeps house very clean, but is she playing with the kids??

I did not say it was wrong to love the children you care for.

I love the children I care for like my neices and nephews, I only love my own children with all my heart. I just think its a bit strong comming from a nanny.

I think that most childcarers would give appropriate hugs and kisses-I certainly know that I adored all 'my' children and still do (the oldest are in their 20s now which makes me feel v old but they still hug me and deliver cards to my home at Xmas)I dont think its wrong as cinpin suggests to love the children you care for but it needs to be appropriate .....a fellow childcarer used to often come and find a certain child cos 'she needed a jack hug' now thats a bit any fuss should be for the childs benefot not for the ego of the carer.

I agree with Lily that I like the children to help me tidy up at the end of the day just putting toys and books away and dirty clothes in the laundry basket,they know that as soon as the living room is tidy they can watch TV.
In the morning I usually give them a hug if they want one ,Generally when I leave I say goodbye and maybe blow them a kiss,but they are often more interested in the TV and their parents being home.If I am not going to see them for a while maybe before Christmas or summer holidays they will get a big hug and kiss when I leave.They all get ahug and a kiss when I drop them at school and during the day when they are home there are lots of hugs ,tickling, turning upside down and blowing raspberries on tummies etc.

Waves to Blondes.

generally babs nearly 3 will come and great me when i come in with a huge smile and 'blondes' and a hug - other 2 if finished breakie will be watching tv and therefore i am unimportant

evening, again generally get a hug/kiss from them all - but not every day

Well I dont go in kissing and hugging the children I would always let them hug me first, which does not usually come in the first few weeks.

I never kiss goodbye. I know another nanny who says that she loves them with all her heart which i do not thik is right.

When I arrive in the morning, the children can still be in bed, or they may have woken up a few minutes beforehand and thus not in the best of mood.
I'm not a touchy feely, huggy kissy sort of person, so I may well come in quietly (well it is sometimes still dark at 7am) and perhaps hold baby and sit on the sofa, or I may prep some things that will be needed later in the day.

anyone in the 'caring' profession should genuinely 'care' - but what does that mean in terms of how they say 'hello'? What are you expecting them to do... would a childminder do any different (though would say hello at the door I suspect as they have to open it to let you in, whereas your nanny I suspect lets themselves into your house).

i would think that you are right to expect the nanny to come in a reasonably good mood and be able to do things and not just plomping herself on the sofa. not easy for us night owels but def doable with a bit of effort!

i suppose it depends on what exactly 'making a fuss' means but i would say that hello or bye bye with a smile and perhaps a wave from me unless the child initiated more. i dont think saying goodbye in a 'see you in a month' is necessary.

also agree with others a nanny might not be comfortable doing hugs and kisses in front of parents.
on the othere hand, when writing this, i remember in my last family every time a family of relatives /who lived very close, so we saw each other often/ came, the father hugged me every time on arrival and departure and when i mentioned that to my mb, she said he does it to everyone and its just how his family he grew up in behaves.
so i guess its a matter of how you have been brought up and how you personally fell about things?

I don't particularly make a fuss of the children when I leave - I always say goodbye and would give a kiss goodbye if the child instigated it. But in my experience the children are usually excited to see mummy/daddy at the end of the day and aren't too fussed about wanting to say goodbye to me. Equally, they are very often not too fussed about saying goodbye to the parents in the morning as they are excited to see me

So my answer to catepillar's 'is it appropriate' would be, only if the child wanted a fuss making.

caterpilarr - and why exactly shouldn't a nanny make a fuss of the children when she leaves? What exactly isn't appropriate about loving the children you look after - all day, every day?

i also dont see anything wrong with nanny hanging out the washing and handing over a tidy house. i personally dont think a nanny should make a fuss of the children when leaving either, i wouldnt think that is appropriate. i understand there might be other issues with this nanny but nothing wrong with these two per se.

It's not the tidying you should worry about but the warm thing. My kids are the same age as yours (almost exactly) - can you speak to your 3.5 year old about how things are going?

I've only ever had two nannies but I wish I'd got rid of my last one sooner. She wasn't too warm either. It's only with this one that I have realised how fab nannies can be... I'd investigate a bit if i were you

god i think your nanny sounds wonmderful.. sorry dont mean to be rude but thank GOD i am a cm and work in my own home.. I occasionally have minded children whose parents feel the need to stimulate them 24/7 and they are a nightmare, wont settle by themselves, cant play, have no imagination, and cant interact or share with other children...

i am sure you arnt this intense with them.. but your house is clean, the kids are happy... what is actually the problem here..

your nanny isnt going to adore your dcs like you do, am sure she cares for them but she is a professional..

if you install a camera without the nannys permission i think you are breaking the law

I also think that the baby is too young to actively want kisses and hugs and the 3 year old would willingly give them if she wanted to, perhaps the nanny doesnt want to do something so lovey dovey in front of their mummy? not saying its wrong but the kisses and hugs are mummys pleasures when shes at home.

Im a nursery nurse and when my 2 eldest children were small they were 'involved' in my chores- my job had meant I was able to multi task and entertain small children and i just continued that at home-however when ds3 came along all that went to pot .

I think shes probably a very orderly person so it doesnt take long to do a few chores whilst the dc are playing/napping -if you posted about her cleaning cupboards out and shampooing carpets then yes maybe but the chores you describe dont ri8ng alarm bells to me.

Also its good that children learn to entertain themselves and even babies need time to be quiet and alone whilst awake.

She sounds ideal.

I too tidy up at the end of the day but the house can be untidy when we are playing or we are rushing off to a playgroup or the library. when I started out as a nanny many contracts required that you left the house as you found it. Some of the houses I work in nowadays it would be hard not to leave them cleaner than when you arrived

Joking aside; A nanny is good at combining childcare with other nursery duties. Its our job and on the affection side I do find nursery trained childcarers tend to be less tactile with the children in their care; as preveously stated, affection is often discouraged in nurseries

That said, Gut feeling should never be ignored and perhaps you need to talk to your nanny and find out what she does during the day. but be pleasant and let her know that while you appreciate the extra things she does, it's not something you expect of her.

Well my employer comes home to a really tidy house, if she came in early it would not be. Half an hour before the end of the day we all tidy up together through the day I tidy as I go, children should learn to amuse theirselves sometimes and use their imaginations. Just for short periods.

your dc would tell/show you if they were unhappy/ignored

i think your nanny is doing a great job and thats the thing, its her job to be tidy/professional/organised

op - bet you are at work, so why shouldnt the nanny be at her work

nannies can often do things that parents cant do

one of my dc friends mums always says to me that im organised and make her feel inadequate as im at school on time, with sports bag, homework done etc

thats coz it is my job,just as she is a high powered business woman and fab at her job

I rather hope it was a joke but anyone could read this and think it was a great idea. It's not.

I thought Ripeberry was joking! In case not, I agree with Frak. OP, that's dodgy advice as the nanny is your employee and your home is her place of work. Just as your employer can't survey you without informing you, likewise you can't film her without her knowledge. Much safer to plan activities and ask your nanny to keep a diary!

Be aware that if you're putting up any kind of surveillance you have to inform the nanny. Sort of defeats the point...

I second samedi - nurseries often don't 'approve' of affectionate displays. They're also quite hot on keeping things neat and tidying up as you go along which, when you think about how much mess 2 DC can create what about 20?! 5 minutes of unloading the dishwasher while she cooks and 5 minutes tidy up time at the end of each activity will keep things in order and allow plenty of time for play.

If you're worried have a proactive chat about what kind of activities she could do with the DC and mention you'd like sone details in the nanny diary. Get her involved in making decisions about which classes or outings might be good for the younger one/both of them and ask for her input on resources you could acquire such as modelling clay or painting supplies to stimulate them. That way it doesn't criticise but gets your point across that you expect them to be doing things.

Ilook after three who are nowsix and four and a half year old twins.When I started nearly three years ago ifound that some days you are able to get jobs done I would often get the children involved in an activity a while I ironed or emptied the dishwasher ,the children always helped with tidying their toys ,I think it is a good idea for your nanny to take your baby to music activities ,swimming or the park.Im always taking photos of mine when we are out and about or perhaps when they start a new activity.It only takes ten minutes to empty a dishwasher or peg out some washing ,I think it is fine for a ten month old to have a little solo play with his toys as long as close to your nanny.

Put up a hidden camera by all means.... if you don't mind your nanny walking out and leaving you without childcare