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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Yup, Boff's got through another nanny ...

138 replies

BoffinMum · 19/05/2011 21:46

Sooooo, my latest nanny's just told me she's resigning because she doesn't enjoy looking after my eldest DC (aged 13). And she wants to go back to Turkey to be with her mum (nanny is 32).

Hand me the chocolate.

I think I am facing career death, because I can't imagine going through childcare trauma for 9 months again like last time. So I am thinking about sitting on the sofa all day watching Jeremy Kyle instead. I only make £25 a week going to work at the moment anyway. Why bother?

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RitaMorgan · 20/05/2011 13:58

Sounds like she stayed in the job a while (over a year?) - I expect it's hard to find someone who likes toddlers and teenagers.

If you're going through a lot of nannies maybe it's worth considering that the 13 year old isn't quite so lovely when you're not there? Lots of children can be awful in school/childcare without their parents realising.

eastmidlandsnightnanny · 20/05/2011 13:49

Sorry to hear that boffinmum seems like you have had a bad run of it - not fair at all.

Just to cover the summer could you consider an au-pair or if you want a nanny maybe a teacher or school nurse who works term time only looking for some extra money for summer would be interested - or even a univseriy student studying childcare related degree would be interested some break up in the next few weeks and dont go back til end sept.

That would then give you time to really consider your options and if you decided to carry on working then time to find a great nanny - your son really shouldnt be an issue at 13yrs to any nanny I am sure he does his own thing most of the time anyway and in school holiday shouldnt need a huge amount of "actual childcare" more directing to appropriate acitivities and ferrying to them (rather than directing himself to the ps3 or tv!!).

Where abouts in the country are you?

Libra · 20/05/2011 13:05

Oh yes - and the mums at the school gate are like that because they are frightened of you.

That's what I tell myself anyway.

Libra · 20/05/2011 13:04

Older au pair worked for us when we had similar age range.
DS1 liked her because she helped him with his German homework. (Which she continues to do even though she is now back in Germany. She spent an hour with himon Skype on Tuesday night preparing him for his Higher exam).

Strix · 20/05/2011 12:22

What about a male au pair (who might be more able to relate to teenage boy) and a nursery. Nursery for bulk of care for 2 year old and au pair for any wrap around needed to cover your long work day.

umf · 20/05/2011 12:21

Boffin, sympathy. I'm at much earlier stage of career (just finished phd) with 2 children, and feeling like it's just not worth pursuing it. Have seen several excellent women academics drop out because of childcare difficulties. Gloom.

Btw, I'm in same city as you. Is it really going to be like at school gates in September? Please no.

plupervert · 20/05/2011 12:08

"top bullshit", more like it. That's just hypocritical.

Are you feeling better these days, by the way? How are your (physical, not emotional) nerves? Smile

Original poster
BoffinMum · 20/05/2011 12:05

We're a bloody nice family, and she just bought me a mug at Easter saying 'Top Boss'. WTF was that all about????

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Original poster
BoffinMum · 20/05/2011 12:03

I am weary.

Weary of cobbling together worrying childcare arrangements (24 years of it now).

Weary of my job seeming so fruitless.

Weary of my standard of living declining while I work harder and harder.

And weary of being sympathetic towards childcarers who pick us up and drop us when they feel like it. I know it's a business arrangement but it goes beyond that in many ways in the way that it impacts on me.

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plupervert · 20/05/2011 12:00

I know times have changed, but I did do some babysitting at that age, so maybe DS1 would like to earn some extra money, or one of his friends would like to? Students (someone else's, not your own, so no conflict of interest)...? Could you do some farming out to relatives? Or do a swap with a family of DS's friend, meaning you get theirs while you are "off"?

Of course, these are all slim straws, when someone who committed to do this professionally is bailing out, but it's madness that this is going on, with the economy in the shape it is in!

Despite all the above suggestions, if you do have to give up, please don't be defensive about it. You are a human being, and more than your work, interesting as it is.

Original poster
BoffinMum · 20/05/2011 11:47

Plup, I am going to have to work a fair bit - I only get six weeks' leave like everyone else, officially speaking anyway. I have a very jobsworthy boss and she has me running around on trivial admin tasks quite a lot, and has made it clear she intends to continue doing so as much as possible in July/August until I go on study leave (meh).

I have however booked a week's leave for the end of July and might be able to manage without a nanny for August if I take the kids in with me for meetings and make them sit quietly in my office as necessary. (Of course it wouldn't occur to my childless boss that childcarers might even like to take some holiday themselves in August, of course, and that 52 week cover simply can't happen in the real world).

WRT my nanny, I think she doesn't know how to handle 13-year-olds and can't be bothered to find out. I offered to pay for training but she prefers to take it all personally and wallow in her inability to do it. FWIW DS1 isn't that bad and other adults don't have a major problem with him, you would probably all love him to bits, he's just not a cute toddler. DS1 has quite long school hols being at a state boarding school (although he's a day pupil) so she was probably dreading July. Last year she organised very little for him, and seemed to expect him to be on a toddler timetable the whole time, and as a consequence he was quite bored and mildly stroppy after the first week.

Frak, if you will insist on having your own babies then of course this will happen. How very dare you? Wink How is the little bundle doing, by the way?

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frakyouveryverymuch · 20/05/2011 04:39

Oh no :( and I can't even volunteer to come help you this time.

Local babysitting person sounds promising though. Keeping fingers very tightly crossed for you.

plupervert · 19/05/2011 23:23

Was she worried about having the 13yo (and 10yo) around during the summer holidays/half term?

Turning that around, are you going to have time off then, which would allow you to cover? June is just around the corner, so can academic holidays give you the necessary breathing space, or are you booked for conferences or things like that?

Original poster
BoffinMum · 19/05/2011 22:54

Have texted her sister who also babysits for us.
Don't feel like meeting strangers again and letting them into our home. Still emotionally scarred from last time.

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nannynick · 19/05/2011 22:36

Someone who already knows you... that sounds promising - are they looking for full time work? Worth contacting them, especially as you already have their contract details.

gruber · 19/05/2011 22:34

Boff, so sorry to hear that after all the trauma of before. If I lived near you I'd volunteer to be your nanny! But I don't, and it sounds like you've had enough.

Eldest I've had to care for (ish) was 15 with 3 younger siblings down to 8 - loved that job and still in touch with the family. I really hope you find a good solution to your dilemma.

Original poster
BoffinMum · 19/05/2011 22:34

Just seen a local person we know and like on there, who still babysits for us from time to time. You never know ...

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Original poster
BoffinMum · 19/05/2011 22:32

I work a 12 hour day so nursery isn't possible, as my hours and commute are too long.

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nannynick · 19/05/2011 22:22

Of course your nanny is on there... all us nannies are probably on there, though not in a full time job seeking mode (more for things like ad-hoc babysitting). Your nanny hasn't logged in since January, so no indication that she's doing anything different to what she has told you about going back to Turkey.

Use the Advanced Search option and enter your full postcodde, set mileage to say 4 miles, and sort by last login - should then get a list of those nannies who are in the area and actively seeking work.

NerfHerder · 19/05/2011 22:09

Shock Oh dear... so much for honesty!

stealthsquiggle · 19/05/2011 22:06

So much for "she wants to go back to Turkey to be with her mum" Confused

you need to find someone who can deal with not interfering with 13yo - maybe someone with much younger siblings? The matrons at DS's school (who are effectively AuPair/nannies) position themselves as "big sisters"

triskaidekaphile · 19/05/2011 22:05

Ok- send the 2 year old to nursery and book the 10 year old into after school club. 13 year old can look after himself for a couple of hours apres school. Et voila- No Need for a Nanny.

Original poster
BoffinMum · 19/05/2011 22:04

OMG my nanny is on there! Shock

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Grockle · 19/05/2011 22:03

The school run mums sound awful. I suspect you might be bored if you had to watch jeremy kyle every day

nannynick · 19/05/2011 22:03

Maybe worth a quick look on Childcare.co.uk should there be any nannies in your area who may be suitable - sometimes you can find other mums whose children have flown the nest, who may not be too concerned about taking care of a teenager.