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Original poster

can't believe nanny has just done this. Help before I self combust with rage.

114 replies

motherpeculiar · 26/10/2005 14:22

some of you may remember I had a few teething probs with new nanny a while back - we had a review and she seemed to have taken on board what I said and be getting better. We have been feeling quite happy with her in general.

However DH has just phoned from home - he is working from home today - it is my first day back in the office to tell me that nanny has just left the house with DD2 for a walk in the park, BUT LEFT DD1 AT HOME
Dh has now put her watching cbeebies while he tries to get on with work

wtf?????

She is contracted to look after both kids. Ok DH is at home and she mentioned this to him beforehand (but he thought she was joking, and just using this as a ploy to get DD1 to hurry and get ready) but this is outrageous.

Any ideas on an approach to take? I am tempted to call her mobile and find out what the hell she is thinking of but DH doesn't want any confrontation until we have DD2 safe and home.

DD1 can be slow to get ready to go out and difficult (she is three afterall) but surely nanny needs to find strategies for this rather than just leaving her behind in the house.

I have to admit, I am completely gobsmacked. If we had cover I think I would fire her today for gross misconduct.

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uwila · 26/10/2005 15:26

Oh poor you. And why oh why are you paying this moron £12 an hour?

So, how's work today? First day back, huh? Hope that's going well for you.

buffytheharpsichordcarrier · 26/10/2005 15:21

I was just thinking the same as binkie.
it sounds to me like the misunderstanding arose between your dh and the nanny - surely he can sort it out without you needing to come home early? the fact that she mentioned it to him does quite strongly suggest to me that she thought he was OK with it.
I wonder if this nanny really understands what working at home really means, btw.

orangina · 26/10/2005 15:21

Hmmm... Binkie, you have a point....

iota · 26/10/2005 15:19

I often leave my ds2 (age 4) at home when dh is working at home, whilst I do the school run. Perhaps she thought he didn't mind?

LadySherlockofLGJ · 26/10/2005 15:19

Good point re MP's DH sorting it.

I don't have a nanny, but rest assured if I found myself in this situation, DH and his "I am so intelligent, I am stupid" method of communication would have something to do with it.

Not saying my DH or Mr MP are stupid.

Just one other thought, surely this would have kept until this evening, why did your DH bother you at work ????

binkie · 26/10/2005 15:15

MP: sudden thought: why is it you, & not dh, having to sort this out?

Isn't the misunderstanding (if it is that) his, and won't it be difficult for you to have the discussion with her as all you have is hearsay?

I'm just thinking, if I got a call like that from dh (who is vague & very easy to get into a misunderstanding with, by the way!) I would tell him he should deal with it as soon as nanny & dd1 gets back - by finding out what it was made her think it was OK to do. Didn't she have a long-term job before? - I keep wondering whether this was the way her last family worked, ad hoc child juggling & so on.

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 26/10/2005 15:11

hi Orangina

not sure if there are bound to be others - I had thought she was doing well, a bit slack still on sorting their clothes and that sort of stuff, but nothing irredeemable

this has just knocked me for six, completely. Seemingly she is home now, and was gone for under half an hour, but still I think it is out of order.

DH says she didn't explicitly ask him if he were ok to look after DD1, just told him this is what she was thinking of doing - possibly to "teach DD1 a lesson" - but she needs to have made that explicit and made sure he was ok with it in my book. And even then I wouldn't be completely happy about it.

I think I will start looking agin, unless she has a VERY good story and it is clear it was a total misunderstanding when I get home

Grrrrrrr

OP posts:
orangina · 26/10/2005 15:09

And it's your 1st day back.... I'm sorry to hear it, what a bummer

orangina · 26/10/2005 15:03

£12/hour!!!! Blimey, even more reason to be incandescent with rage! I have no idea whether you have the right to fire her, but I would certainly issue her with some kind of official (written?!) warning. Take a deep breath (any Rescue Remedy to hand?!) and imagine how much more disrupting it would be if you were left with no-one to look after the dd's tomorrow. Don't fire her, but get looking anyway, and then the next thing she does wrong (are there bound to be others?), you'll be able to get rid of her immediately, with some replacement hopefully in the pipeline. Good luck...

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 26/10/2005 14:47

it must have been a misunderstanding on her behalf (giving her big benefit of the doubt) BUT I do think it shows immense shortcomings if she can't motivate DD1 to get out the door to the park and has to interrupt DH to mind her instead.

I am completely shocked. We are paying this woman 12 pounds ph and she just takes off with the easy to look after one, leaving DH to pick up the slack.

Her probation period has passed so we are on the one month notice. And it will probably take us that long to find someone new anyway. Although I do feel this is worthy of firing on the spot, unless she can REALLY convince me she thought DH was completely agreeable to looking after DD1 (but why should he be, he's at home, trying to work, she is being paid to look after them. )

CAn you tell I am incandescent with rage???

and now I'll need to leave early on my first day back in office to try to talk to her.

Steam, pouring from MPs ears.

OP posts:
orangina · 26/10/2005 14:34

Oh Mp, how maddening for you! I do remember your previous thread, and I must admit, I thought you were being very tolerant, I would definitely have given her the boot (or if not me, then dh would have done it for me!). Has she been good between then and now? Do you WANT it to work with her? I agree that she is contracted to look after both of them, not just the cute non-temper-tantrum-toddler baby. I agree that you don't want to confront her on the phone or while you are in a foul mood, wait until you get home this evening and you can take her aside for a serious (but calm) chat. What did you agree were the terms for either of you calling it a day? 1 weeks notice? 1 month? I would get back onto gumtree and see if there is anyone else you think sounds appealling and slowly (or quickly if it's possible!) find a replacement. THe problem is, once you feel you can't trust someone, then it's never really going to work, is it?
Completely sympathise with you, I'm back at work now, but couldn't be here if I wasn't 100% happy with who we have looking after dd. Really good luck and I hope you get it sorted asap xx

SenoraPostrophe · 26/10/2005 14:31

oh no. I would be highly pissed off by this.

I think I would fire her too, but you should probably give a last warning.

binkie · 26/10/2005 14:28

Is there any chance whatsoever it might have been a misunderstanding? - that dh's reaction made her think he was agreeing to mind dd1?

(I must say, I would expect that sort of agreement - that a working from home parent is taking over the child for a while - to be absolutely clear. So that, for instance, if after she had mentioned it to dh she went out with dd2 without coming up and making it clear she was going now (and would be back at X time), then that would be very off.)

Kaz33 · 26/10/2005 14:28

Oh dear, i know that my nanny used to find it difficult when DP was at home working. But she used to deal with it, by shutting the door of the bedroom and getting on with it.

You need to speak to her but I know how difficult it is. We had three nannies and only managed to get the relationship right with one of them. let's hope she learns quickly, otherwise it could be a long road ahead.