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Paid childcare

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Original poster

can't believe nanny has just done this. Help before I self combust with rage.

114 replies

motherpeculiar · 26/10/2005 14:22

some of you may remember I had a few teething probs with new nanny a while back - we had a review and she seemed to have taken on board what I said and be getting better. We have been feeling quite happy with her in general.

However DH has just phoned from home - he is working from home today - it is my first day back in the office to tell me that nanny has just left the house with DD2 for a walk in the park, BUT LEFT DD1 AT HOME
Dh has now put her watching cbeebies while he tries to get on with work

wtf?????

She is contracted to look after both kids. Ok DH is at home and she mentioned this to him beforehand (but he thought she was joking, and just using this as a ploy to get DD1 to hurry and get ready) but this is outrageous.

Any ideas on an approach to take? I am tempted to call her mobile and find out what the hell she is thinking of but DH doesn't want any confrontation until we have DD2 safe and home.

DD1 can be slow to get ready to go out and difficult (she is three afterall) but surely nanny needs to find strategies for this rather than just leaving her behind in the house.

I have to admit, I am completely gobsmacked. If we had cover I think I would fire her today for gross misconduct.

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Kaz33 · 27/10/2005 22:00

Love Australian nannies - check her out.

bigdonna · 27/10/2005 21:52

she lives in tooting !!

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 21:51

hi bigdonna - we are in SE London. Any good for your friend?

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bigdonna · 27/10/2005 21:50

mp where are you .i have australian nanny friend who is brilliant with kids.She is in australia at the moment attending a wedding.She has years of experience.

annh · 27/10/2005 16:41

Report her to who though? Nannies are not regulated in the same way that childminders and nurseries are.

missycantstop · 27/10/2005 15:51

hi personally i would get rid of her, if she is doing this when your husband is there then what the hell is she doing when he is not around? Sounds like your kids are not in safe hands and she is in dangering them. This is also neglect towards your children. I would report her, just so it is on her file. Good luck

annh · 27/10/2005 15:42

Do you think she favours dd2 because she is little and easy to look after? If so, what will happen when she turns into a toddler and becomes more demanding and less adorable? Will she similarly lose interest in dd2 as well? Honestly, quite apart from the park incident which maybe, just possibly, perhaps could be down to a misunderstanding, she doesn't sound like a very good nanny anyway. You are paying the going rate without seeming to get any of the activities, attention etc which should be standard.

Phaedria · 27/10/2005 15:27

I think she sounds pretty awful.

We have a new nanny with us (also our first)looking after our 3 DS (7,3 and 8 months) She would never do this and certainly not favour one child over the others.I think she has to go - tbh for me its more the favouritism thing than anything - i just think thats such an awful message to send to a 3 yr old..............

good luck

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 12:00

thanks all

to be fair to nanny - DH did know DD1 was there as she was tantruming in his office it seems. Nanny just left her there and went out. ALthough DH didn't quite believe she would carry through with it. And Nanny never said she was trying to "teach her a lesson" I put that in quotes as I was trying to work out some possible explanation for what otherwise seemed completely bonkers behaviour from nanny.

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motherinferior · 27/10/2005 11:34

Honey, how awful for you. Don't worry about not being 'nanny calibre' - you'd feel the same if a nursery or childminder did this. If a nanny is what works for you, you/we can work out a solution for you.

Totally agree with PPH and Aloha about all the things an enthusiastic childcarer (of whatever 'type')with a bit of nous and experience can provide, too. I'm always dumbfounded by the amount of stuff my childminder has done with the Inferiorettes over the years!

orangina · 27/10/2005 11:34

Blimey MP , you have quite a bit of juggling to do! I am in awe... Could a temporary nannyshare help tide you over until you have a new and lovely nanny comfortably installed? Do know what you mean about the obtuse dh.... mine works from home and although nanny is fine with occasional over protective father offering helpful advice as how to best feed dd (!!), all other communication seems for some reason to have to go through me (in office on other side of town). Hmm. He doesn't look best pleased when I suggest he speaks to her directly about whatever is bothering him ...

Pol25 · 27/10/2005 11:34

Thanks aloha- like you put what if she had a serious accident, who would have been responsible for her- the nanny who is employed to care for your daughter AND baby for set hours or your hubbie who is working and not looking after the children.
As for her saying that she was 'teaching her a lesson' what did it actually achieve??? Sounds like she is a little spiteful too.

aloha · 27/10/2005 11:27

Think Pol makes an excellent point. Recipe for disaster. Also, as your dh didn't realise the nanny had gone out without her, she could have had an accident while unsupervised. Not right.

Pol25 · 27/10/2005 11:25

Hey I answered your post on nannyjob... I'm sure this would be a case for instant dismissal, what if hubby hadn't realised she was there and he had gone out too???
I was a nanny and am now a mummy and I cannot imagine anyone doing this!!! It's so neglectful and awful, your poor daughter!
Get rid of her women like that should not be nannies no matter how many glowing references she has!!! And like everyone has already said if she cannot deal with a three year old having an 'off' day she shouldn't be a nanny at all!
Good luck on finding someone truly wonderful!

Marina · 27/10/2005 11:24

Crikey Motherpeculiar, just caught up with this - how appalling. Amend pph's maxim to include "one childcare related disaster" and I can join you there, we had a vile (Registered) childminder for ds1 when he was tiny and I still shudder.
But, more importantly, I think you are right to be extremely concerned about this nanny's capabilities and I hope you manage to find a good replacement soon.

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 11:12

I just don't think I am able for the emotional rollercoaster that seems to be the life of someone who has a nanny Orangina, not to mention the time/financial implications of all this hiring and firing

we had DD1 in nursery 4 days a week before DD2 came along. Now DD1 goes to nursery two days a week and is home with nanny the other two. I didn't want to put DD2 into nursery until she was a bit older hence the nanny route. Nanny comes two days and I work those two full days, either at home or (1st day yesterday) in office in central London. The remaing three days DD1 is in nursery for two of them, and DH looks after whatever of our kids are in the house while I work from home 7.30 to 10am. I then take over childcare - baby only for two days and both of them on Fridays.

it is all a bit complicated. DH keeps having to ask what is happening today (but see earlier message re. his obtuseness)

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orangina · 27/10/2005 10:59

MP, what is nanny calibre?!?! It's the nanny that's not right, not the Peculiar family! BTW, what did you do for childcare for dd1 before dd2 arrived? (Forgive if you've already said and I've not been paying attention!)
Fingers and toes crossed that she will resign and spare you the confrontation (though the confrontation can be quite satisfying once you get going...!)

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 10:33

Binkie - would be great if she was considering resigning. I wanted someone in our own home because I am still trying to BF DD2 as much as possible so it is really handy when I am working from home, so that ruled out childminder. Could be worth a reconsider I guess.

I do think we may not be Nanny calibre though, I'm finding it VERY stressful and extremely time consuming, not to mention how expensive it will be in financial terms if we need to pay her off.

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Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 10:28

think I may have misled people Floss - this is the GROSS amount ph, I think most people talk NET with nannies (I don't see why but that is another story). 7 quid NET per hour - works out at somewhere between 11 and 12 pounds gross.

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binkie · 27/10/2005 10:26

Just checking in to catch up with your story!
Admitting not knowing what to do with a three year old's tantrum is extraordinary. I would suspect from that that she is herself considering resigning - which should make the break easier for you.

For what you need, have you thought of a childminder? (Sorry if that's been said, and said, and said ...)

FrightfullyPoshFloss · 27/10/2005 10:15

Sorry haven't read all the way through and not got a chance too now either, but £12p/hr? I'm in the wrong bloody job. I'd be happily taking them out with me on my nights off to be payed that sort of amount!!

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 10:11

thanks Orangina - have emailed her

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orangina · 27/10/2005 09:53

Good morning MP.... have just sent you nanny details. Hope you are feeling better today .

HappyMumof2 · 27/10/2005 09:26

Message withdrawn

Original poster
motherpeculiar · 27/10/2005 09:19

happymum - that's how I got this one!!!

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