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Original poster

potential CM's house smelling of cigarette smoke-deal-breaker?

84 replies

CatIsSleepy · 11/03/2011 13:40

my lovely childminder of the last 4 years has had to give me her notice this week for very sad personal reasons and I have to find a new CM for dd1 (nearly 5) and 2 (2 yrs) to start in 3 weeks.
It has thrown me into a bit of a panic. However the mum of one of dd1's classmates is a CM, and she has vacancies. I went to see her today and liked her a lot.
Only problem-her house smelt very smoky. She said her husband doesn't smoke when the children are around ie only in the evenings. FWIW it sounds like she would be doing activities out of teh house with dd2 most days so she wouldn't be in the house all the time. But i feel a bit uncomfortable about it. Dh, however is less bothered. I haven't had time to see anyone else yet or even get any names of more CMs to contact so she is the only person I have seen so far.

Would a smokey house be a deal-breaker for you? am very interested in other people's opinions on this.
Have to go and do a load of boring stuff now but I will be back
Thanks in advance!

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heartsnflowers · 18/03/2011 19:21

The school might put out a plea on your behalf in a newsletter
I think you made the right decision -hope you tell her why and who knows it might make him give up?!

maidbloke · 18/03/2011 19:10

Yep, deal breaker for me too. Can't stand smoke, whether fresh or stale. Even ignoring the revolting smell, having a smoker in the house shows a tacit acceptance of unhealthy living in the CM's family, not something I would be keen to expose DC to. Sad

orangehead · 18/03/2011 18:08

yes dealbreaker for me too.

onceinabluemoon · 18/03/2011 18:01

Deal Breaker - definitely!

Our local family information service holds details of childminders, au pairs, nurseries etc/ Perhaps your local council do the same?

Original poster
CatIsSleepy · 18/03/2011 14:30

well, i think i have more or less ruled her out
I had a chat with her this morning, she was absolutely lovely but I think i was hoping that when I voiced my concerns she would offer to kick her dh outside to smoke or something (ok unrealistic i know but you can hope can't you), and of course she didn't.
so...
i sort of feel better for having made that decision, but it currently leaves me with one possibility (who would probably be a short term solution as her own daughter goes to school in september, probably not dd1's school) who i was supposed to see today but couldn't as dd2 now apparently has german measles

bloody blinking bollocks!

OP posts:
StarExpat · 15/03/2011 19:22

It makes me so :( when a child smells of smoke. Ffs they have no choice! I don't understand why people still smoke

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/03/2011 18:23

true ripeberry, dc friend at school reeks of smoke :( and when comes for a play, the car stinks, its horrible to subject children to it :(

Ripeberry · 15/03/2011 18:18

On the other hand from personal experience you can have mindees that REEK of smoke and actually stink your house out even if you don't smoke at all yourself.
One mindee is like this and the smell lingers for ages, if I have other parents coming to collect it makes me wonder what they think Sad

StarExpat · 15/03/2011 15:44

It sounds like a tough situation but I agree with blondes. I couldn't bear the idea of DS being in a place that smells of smoke all day... Sleeping in it, eating, playing. Sorry but really yuck.

If a parent is a smoker themselves I guess they wouldn't mind/ notice.

Who knows, you may be able to work out a way for the other cm to have yours even when her dd starts school.

Sounds like you're not happy with smoky environment. This will eat away at you if you go with that cm

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/03/2011 13:36

personally i would go for the sort term solution and who knows what cms are available in a year or so, rather than have dc in a smokey atmosphere

he must smoke a lot if he only smokes in eve, obv not there during the day, and house stinks

i was paranoid my house smelt of smoke when allowed dh to smoke in living room, and had windows open and plug ins and sprays etc

so depending if you like the one on friday with 3yrs, i would go for her and maybe have name on waiting lists for the other cms

how many are in your area?

Original poster
CatIsSleepy · 15/03/2011 12:23

star-i would rather be able to keep dd1 and dd2 together, they wouldn't see eachother all day if dd1 was in a nursery

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 15/03/2011 11:19

It is obviously a deal breaker for the majority of parents. Perhaps that is why she has vacancies?

StarExpat · 15/03/2011 11:10

Have you looked at nurseries?

Original poster
CatIsSleepy · 15/03/2011 10:46

blondes, I had a quick look on childcare.co.uk for nannies, seemed to be around twice what we're paying for CM care so from 7.50 an hour up 8 or 9 pounds an hour, which we couldn't afford (we are in london so i guess everything costs more)

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 15/03/2011 10:36

sounds to me you are not happy with the cm house being smoky, but you feel you have no choice as no other cm's and time is running out

obv you dont want to spilt the girls up

or use a cm you dont like but is smoke free

have you considered a nanny, or would finances not stretch, if you had nwoc it would make cost cheaper - area depending wages vary from £8gross - £15 gross for experienced nanny but not bringing her own child

Original poster
CatIsSleepy · 15/03/2011 10:30

right
was away over the weekend and have only just come back to this

am getting pretty stressed tbh. I don't actually have that many options. There's a very limited pool of CMs that can pick up from dd1's school and I need to find someone FAST. I have 2 and a bit weeks and ideally that would include a settling in period for dd2

am seeing one other person on friday but i don't think she'll work out long term as she lives in the wrong area, and has a 3 year old who i guess will be going to pre-school soon and it won't be my dd1's school

so what do i do? go for a short term alternative and end up having to move them both again soon or soonish? split the girls up and send dd2 to someone else? i actually really don't want to do that. Go with someone, anyone, that i don't necessarily like very much but who has a smoke-free house? see how it goes with the CM with the smoky house on the understanding if the dds come home smelling of smoke it's all off-and risk pissing off one of the parents that i will be potentially seeing for the next 6 years? speak to this CM about the smoking business,
eg ventilation, and ask her not to let her dh smoke in the house in the mornings before dd2 gets there?

it's driving me crazy thinking about it

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 14/03/2011 21:31

obscure the cm you see , do they have young / any mindees with them?

If they do then they are in breech - unless their own dc

If they don't then seems they are doing nothing wrong

BoysAreLikeDogs · 14/03/2011 21:19

I think so, yes; because they wouldn't have children with them

(come on Nick, where are you?)

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/03/2011 21:17

snap balt so they could if in public and no children with them?

BoysAreLikeDogs · 14/03/2011 21:16

not while children are present and the setting must be well ventilated (I cba to find the guidance on it but that's it in a nutshell)

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/03/2011 21:16

obscure im assuming no cm can smoke when in charge of children, but maybe if alone, ie no younger mindes;s then they can iyswim

ObscureReference · 14/03/2011 21:12

so cm's arent allowed to smoke? There are a few at my DCs school that I have seen smoke before they pick up their charges! :0

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/03/2011 21:06

PO - the fact you are honest about dh smoking and are full,obv mans that some parents dont mind this

so no fury from me - you are not forcing the parents to use you

though have to say, there is no way dh is allowed to smoke in our bedroom - he used to smoke in the living room,until i got fed up and banned it Grin

out of curiosity though, if you were not getting any mindee's, would you make dh smoke outside?

seeker · 14/03/2011 21:04

Dealbreaker for me too. I don;t think it would actually physically harm a child, but I wouldn't leave a child with anyone who thought that smoking in a house where there were children was acceptable. IYSWIM.

pozzled · 14/03/2011 21:02

Deal breaker for me, definitely.

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