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Original poster

CM takes daughter on playdates to people I don't know - advice please

64 replies

LuckyC · 07/03/2011 09:17

Hi there - advice please!

First child, 10mo daughter, so no experience of what childminders do as normal.

Very happy with the CM.

She has now started to take my baby with her on playdates to the houses of people I don't know. Sometimes, I only find out where they have been that day in my daughter's daily diary. This is making me feel very uncomfortable.

It's not the outings per se - it's not knowing what environment my daughter's in, with who and where she is at any given time.

I am going to chat to CM about this today but does anyone have any advice? Is this normal if you are a CM?

Thanks.

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crw1234 · 07/03/2011 10:05

I think this is completly normal - although my CM only talks mindees to other childminders houses, they are a gang -and only really in the holidays - she has friends round sometimes though - I wasn't sure about that at first but its been fine. And she just tells me in the diary. I am not sure I would be keen if it was all the time - but the odd time is fine

Original poster
LuckyC · 07/03/2011 09:51

Thanks, HSMM.

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HSMM · 07/03/2011 09:45

This is very normal for CMs. It doesn't always work telling parents in the morning, because I might say we are going to toddlers and then the sun bursts through and we end up in a forest for the day.

As long as she is not hiding it from you and is telling you clearly in the daily diary what they have done and where they've been, then hopefully you can trust her. Not all CMs do a daily record of activities.

If you have any concerns, do have a chat with her, because it sounds like she is happy to be open and honest with you.

People's children are quite rightly very precious, so parents have a right to be concerned, but she is not your employee and will make some independent (safe) choices I'm afraid.

Original poster
LuckyC · 07/03/2011 09:35

Iggly and twopeople: I do trust CM. Or at least, I am starting to - it's a new arrangement, would be stupid to blindly trust.

So I think that your approaches will suit me and I will have a conversation with CM to that effect. Thanks.

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Original poster
LuckyC · 07/03/2011 09:32

IMO, library, toddler groups etc are one thing, someone's house is a different deal. It's wanting to have an element of control over the environment she's in. Very happy she is being socialised. Very happy with CM. Just don't like not knowing where she is and who she is with.

Of course no crackhouses etc!

But this is standard practice, then, CMs taking their mindees to friends' houses?

OP posts:
Iggly · 07/03/2011 09:29

Not quite the same but at the start of the day I ask DS's nanny what plans they have. I've told his nanny that DS can go on playdates but I'd like to know who and where. She also has to ask if she takes him anywhere that requires more than walking eg a bus. She also has people over.

At the end of the day, I trust her to look after my child - which includes taking him out. If I didn't then she wouldn't be looking after him. Do you trust your CM?

twopeople · 07/03/2011 09:29

This reply has been deleted

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LadyBiscuit · 07/03/2011 09:28

I think if you trust your CM to look after your DD, you have to trust her to take that she is taking her to places that are appropriate. I had no idea where my DS was or what he did during the day when he was with a CM because I trusted her to take care of him.

RitaMorgan · 07/03/2011 09:27

I think it's normal - you have to trust your CM to take your daughter out and about.

To an extent with a CM you fit in with them, it's not like a nanny where you can call the shots.

Bucharest · 07/03/2011 09:26

I'm really anti-social so would be pleased that the CM was socialising with my child.

The CM will have been CRBd and thoroughly checked, so presumably isn't taking your daughter to a crackhouse.

That said, I'd also want to know where she was going and would be surprised if she didn't tell me, but as you have seen it in your daughter's diary, she has told you, hasn't she?

Just ask her face to face at pick up who these people are.

BoattoBolivia · 07/03/2011 09:24

Apologise for the extra apostrophes. Blinking auto-correct.

Pancakeflipper · 07/03/2011 09:23

What do you want the CM to do?

Do you want a CM to sit in the house all day with your and other children they may care for.

Or do you want your child to socialise with other children and different environments.

If you are concerned about the homes they are visiting then have a chat with your CM and ask about them ( in an interested way not a suspicious way).

Many of the childminders I know meet up regulary at the library, toddler groups, parks, each others homes. I suppose it makes it more fun, nice to have support and nice to see the kids together?

BoattoBolivia · 07/03/2011 09:21

Think you have to trust your childminder on this one. She's not leaving your daughter there alone, so she is still in charge. Childminder's are allowed to socialize with other parents/ childminder's with your child. Mine goes to a childminder toddler group, but I would be happy to trust her judgement on other people's houses.
What are you worried about?

SwearyMary · 07/03/2011 09:20

My CM always told me what the plans were with regard to taking my DD out etc. I would expect any CM to do the same.

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