CM takes daughter on playdates to people I don't know - advice please

It would be perfectly reasonable to ask the CM at drop off what her plans are for that day, but you can't really expect updates if they change during the day.

Also, if the CM says she's going to do X and you say no, what do you expect to happen? CM is unlikely to change plans just to suit you.

Thats exactly what i was going to say Blondes! - c/m has to consider ALL the parents requirements. If they decide to do something different to what was originally suggested to parent, they can and then inform parent at end of day. Most parents are more than happy with that.

Lucky, I think you're well within your rights to ask about where the CM takes your DC. otherwise it would play on your mind. I'm sure she'll be happy to answer your queries. This is your child!

Networkguy, since Social Services have had nothing to do with Childminders for the last 10 years, I think your decision not to ask your sister is a wise one. Any information she could give you would have little relevance today.

CM provides a service, yes, but within parameters agreed by me, as the parent of the child she is minding. I don't just dump DD there and take off. It's a specialised service, in that she is helping me raise a child, and can't be compared to eg a plumber - specialised set of circumstances. My ideas have to have some influence

i thought as a cm is se, they can decide what to do/where to go - obviously if you as a parent dont like that, then you would cancel the contract and give notice, as the cm has other children to consider

if you want total control over what your dc does/where they go etc then you need a nanny and be an employer :)

I am sure that CM is taking that into consideration Lucky - and tbh I often find playdates alot quieter easier for the shy-er children than toddler groups or activitiy sessions.

So what are you going to do Lucky?

perfectly normal as a cm or as a nanny, and she is telling you by writing in diary - no point in her saying the same thing to every parents as they pick their child up - thats the whole point of diary's

as a nanny, my mb lets me do what i want, as she TRUSTS me and my judgement - if we are out at beach/park i often send pics to her and db but i would never text to say we are going there iyswim

both are busy with their jobs and neither would want to me to ask them every time i went out - i said at the interview that im a very sociable nanny and go out to places/see people/have people over etc and both (as all my other employers) have said wonderful - they want their children to see other children etc

But you're not going to know all her friends if she's with a CM. There will be children she plays with at playgroup or the library or whatever.

NetworkGuy - my CM is running a business. It's totally unreasonable of her to check with all her mindees' parents every time she wants to leave the house.

I really think some people are a bit confused about the difference between a nanny (who is an employee) and a CM (who is providing a service).

Having said all that, I do understand the anxiety around leaving a child for the first time, especially when they're non verbal. But that's just something all working parents have to go through.

I remember when I first started back to work leaving ds with a child minder how completely weird it felt when she told me what she had done with him taht day - ie visiting friends, toddler groups etc. Up to that point he had only been places with me and ow he was meeting people I didn't even know! It felt so strange and that I was no longer the main person in his life. However, I learned to appreciate that a good chidlminder introduces her charges to all sorts of different experiences - and that includes meeting new people. AS long as you are being informed (and you are!) then I would relax.

LadyBiscuit - clearly it comes down to personal choice, and if parents consider they would be "pissed off" by being kept informed, they would choose not to be told, but clearly some parents might prefer a 'veto' on some activities, or visiting some people, for reasons they may wish to keep private.

Also, it seems, in this day and age, that being more accountable rather than less and 'covering your back' (against lawsuits etc) is part of the culture, so being open about your activities seems not that unreasonable.

Yes, Tanith, I am out of date, but only because I don't cross-question my sister about her job every year (we don't see one another that often, to be fair) and while she's now some centre manager, I'm not going to try to invent a job title and nor do I know her exact responsibilities, nor those of the staff under her, but in earlier years she did visit CMs in their homes to assess them at intervals, and would no doubt still be up-to-date on what the LA might expect of them. She trained and worked as a nanny and after marriage and having her own children, went from doing that to working in Social Services. What it might be called now, and how her job has changed, I cannot answer, and right now, don't think I'll bother her, either.

Bramshott - my sister's friend used to live round the corner from us but we both worked FT and so didn't really see one another much. We bumped into one another in Homebase once and were very surprised at how friendly our DC were with one another. It was only when I went to party at her house and her nanny was there too that we found out that our children were quite good friends at playgroup together :o

I loved that :)

lol Bramshot my last boss was in Tesco's when dc said that's M, MB having heard of M several times but haven't met her, told DC to shout Hello M loudly so that she could say "Hello" and meet her properly

I love it that my DD has friends that I don't know that she has met with her CM at playdates / toddler groups etc! Playing in a home-based setting with another child/children is a different skill from playing in a toddler group setting, and I'm very pleased that my CM gives DD the chance to do this. I chose a CM because I wanted DD to have the chance to do all the things I might do with her if I was at home.

When I was a childminder the only other houses I would visit where those I had risk assessed as appropriate for the mindees (eg I knew they would be baby-proof with safety gates, and where suitable adults for mindees to be around such as other cms or my SIL who used to nanny, worked with children and had her own dcs). I used to go with the flow too depending on weather, what times I had to be at home/school so often wouldn't have a specific day plan on drop off.

I'm sure your cm is weighing up these decisions before she visits people with your DD and it sounds as though she is open and honest about it, writing it in daily diary. I'm sure she wouldn't mind you talking about it with her. Does she have her own dcs? I used tor eally feel for the parents entrusting their babies to me while they went to work, having my own child I really empathised with them and was totally understanding about how hard it could be. HTH

As a nanny - so different to a childminder - my bosses have always been happy for dc's to socialise with local children and so as well as toddler groups/outings to the park etc.

However we do also go to special friends houses and have them over - would say there are 2 main friends that we see and dc asks to go and see or asks if they can come over and play. The children are all the same age so I know that when we go to their house the toys will be age appropriate and the environment will be safe.

In my last position MB knew of the people we playdated with and actually met them a handful of times if she got home early or had the day of work. However she trusted my judgement.

RE texting everytime I did anything - it would drive my bosses mad - they trust that when they walk out the door that they have chosen the right person to look after/educate their child and if I kept texting/calling then it would disrupt their working life and would probably get them doubting my abilities. Obviously I text/call if I absolutely need to ie taking Dc to a doctors appt because of a rash, let them know we're having fun at the beach or if mb is away just a text saying what we've been up to and that dc misses her etc.

For me, one of the reasons to choose a childminder over a nursery was that I wanted my DD to continue to be part of our local community - going on playdates, outings, toddler groups etc. So the above scenario would not bother me. My childminder has been minding for about 10 years & I trust her judgement.

FWIW NetworkGuy - I would have been hugely pissed off if my CM had texted me every single time she took my DS out of the house. If I didn't trust her to make sensible appropriate choices of activity then I wouldn't have left him with her.

Although I have no issue personally with CM visiting other homes, do OFSTED have an opinion? They seem to have an opinion on every other minute thing the CM does!

Social Services???

NetworkGuy, not only are you years out of date, you are completely over-reacting!

Is she taking the children to other childminders' houses? I often do this. Other childminders will also be CRB checked, inspected etc. and may have resources I don't have and vice versa when those childminders bring their children to visit me. They'll have done risk assessments: they're actually as safe or safer than taking your child to toddler group.

A childminder is a home from home environment. No doubt if you were at home you'd be visiting friends and having them to visit you?

Can certainly see your concern, LuckyC, and even taking HSMM's comment into account, think it would be courteous to inform parent eg by SMS on plans where they will be out, whether to library or forest or elsewhere. If something happened, do you know car registration of CMs vehicle, for example?

Will ask my sister (who has been in Soc Services for 30+ years, and has done inspections / checks on CMs for LA) just how much a parent might be expected to be told prior to CM taking 'mindees' away from CMs home.

I am a CM and have never taken a mindee to another person's house, it's always been to a playgroup/park/common/library etc. where we might meet up with another CM or past mindee and their parent perhaps. Most often it's just us.

I do have 3 or 4 (sibling variation) under 5s though, and so am mindful that my mindees increase kiddy numbers considerably, wherever I go with them.

I don't see anything wrong in a mindee going to another trusted home though, and would definitely let the parent know exactly where we were going, who we are seeing, my relation to the other adult etc. Goes without say. BEFORE the outing. Plus written in the daily diary too of course.