CM takes daughter on playdates to people I don't know - advice please

LuckyC

Did you manage to speak to your childminder? :)

Tanith, I do not think Network Guy is trying to "involve" SS. She was just thinking of asking her sister for professional advice, to see if she can help the OP in this situation in any way. It's rude of you to trample on her goodwill.

Yes, well I'm sure your time was well spent, Network Guy

No, I don't think your posts are at all relevant for the question being asked by the OP. Why do you think it necessary to involve Social Services, the Network Co-Ordinator, Childcare Development co-ordinator and a County Centre manager over a simple case of a childminder quite legitimately taking her mindees on a playdate?

I'm a CM, I have taken one mindee to a playdate before but only once in 12 months. The playdate was with children the same age and I have been to the house many times before so it was easy to risk assess before I went, I knew toys would be appropriate, stair gates etc.

I told parents before we went, but if they had said no then I would assume this meant they did not trust my judgement and I would terminate the contract straight away. If they had asked a bit more about it then of course I would be happy to tell them why I thought it was appropriate to go and not been narked off at all.

My DD is now just starting pre-school and I hate that we don't get a diary or anything. Ok, so she's only there for 2.5hrs but I hate not knowing what she's done during the day!! What I do know though is that although she is the youngest there I do trust the judgement of the staff, if I didn't then she wouldn't be there.

Firstly I would not think your minder would mind you speaking to her about this. She will put your mind at rest. I am a minder and occasionally visit other minders for play sessions. The children do enjoy it. It may just be a friend with a child similar age which would also be nice. But she wouldnt mind for a second you asking her about the person and what the children do. By telling you her plans she is partly doing that anyway. :-D. And network guy what you like! Lol

LuckyC

I haven't read through the whole thread, but wanted to add my experience.

My dd is 4.5 and at school now, but has been with her cm since she was 5mths old. She loves her, and it's become her second home really! Using a cm was the best decision for us, and I was lucky to find ours.

She has always taken dd out on playdates, but generally to other cms'. They all seem to socialise together around here! It's been great for dd. She's met new people, and has turned into a happy sociable litte girl who isn't phased by new situations. We had no problems starting play school or school, actually she wanted cm to take her for her first day of play school lol!

The main bonus for ME of dd having met other cm's and their charges, is that they've covered for cm when she's been on holiday! It's been great, and so far I've never had to take time off because one of them has always been able to cover, and dd is happy because it's someone she's know for years.

Hope it all works out for you, it takes a while settle into it all.

OK some hours later, found a couple of past business cards, indicating department has been called Sure Start and Extended Development, and a couple of posts she held were Childcare Development Co-ordinator, and Childminding Network Co-ordinator. Now she's a centre manager within the county.

It was me who mentioned Social Services, me, the dinosaur unfamiliar with changes, and not her, that made a posting.

I am not sure that "Any information she could give you would have little relevance today." would be a fair statement now.

Would you stick with those words now, Tanith ?

(No need to respond, it's a hypothetical question!)

LuckyC - please don't feel bad, I hope you are still reading this thread.

I think it must be incredibly hard for a parent to leave their child with someone that they don't really "know."

Although I ensure that parents know how I operate, and what sort of things we do on a weekly basis, things might change as time goes on and it may well be that there are things parents are a little unsure about.

I have always told parents that they must tell me anything that they are not sure about, or might be concerned about, and I would make every effort to put their minds at rest.

I meet other CMs and parents at various social groups we attend (not their homes), and children I care for often make good friendships with children that their parents do not know. I always write about their friends in diaries, and also talk to the parents.

LuckyC - you have every right to (nicely) ask your CM about her activities. I think it takes time to come to terms with the fact that someone is doing things with your baby that you don't have total control over, but I hope that your CM puts your mind at rest.

just a quick rejoiner, I didnt mean that last comment to be hurtful in any way.. as a parent.(and cm) i do know how you feel but its true that when you work you HAVE to trust your child carer be it cm or nursery or you will never be able to relax..

I think it's fine that the OP should be concerned about her child's whereabouts, but I do think her CM is letting her know the routine in her daily notes.

CMs offer a service and parents need to decide if they are happy with that service (or choose another CM). Of course they can ask questions, but the CM might have perfectly valid reasons for what they do.

Give the OP a break and let her have an update chat with the CM. It should then all be resolved I think.

perfectly normal for a cm to take the child out.. wouild you rather she stayed in with ceebeebies!!!

you trust your cm dont you?? or not??? or just if they at her home???

in a nursery she would be mixing with lots of children and staff you dont no!!

you must relax, trust your cm and not worry.. or else stop work and stay home with her 24/7..

Haven't time to read all this, but I think when your DC goes to a childminder, there's a kind of unsettling feeling for the parent/s that you aren't the first one to know everything about your child anymore, including what they've done all day. A CM can write in a daily diary all they like (I'm amazed they can make the time) but it's not the same. And it's something you just have to live with.

Our CM is fab, but it still feels a bit weird when I come in to collect and see DD playing with stuff in a place that isn't home. However, I know this is my stuff - DD has a complete gas when she goes there, and I have to remind myself that this is the biggest priority. I trust the CM to supervise well and keep her as safe as I would, without restricting her so much she misses out on fun.

As a childminder how is due to be inspected tomorrow around like headless chicken smiley, I have to ensure all my risk assessments are up to date. A childminder has to do a risk-assessment for every outing. I also have RA's for other childminders houses, I usually state that the other person has been CRB checked and that they have a wide variety of toys and available etc, any pets and safety equipment. If the friend isn't a childminder then a RA would be even more important, as the CM would have to take into account the persons house and garden and that if certain areas are not safe (say steps down to a garden) the CM will ensure she takes steps to avoid and minimise risks. My risk assessments are available to all parents and I regularly advise them that they are welcome to look through them.

I would fully understand your concerns and be happy to chat to you about where we go.

we've used cm's and employed two nannies. tbh, i employ either to care for my children, socialise them, and look after them whilst i am at work.

i've interviewed them, trust them, and read the daily notes on what they've been up to. i would be horrified at the level of micro-management by parent if i was the cm... i wouldn't dream of interviewing the cm (or the nanny fwiw) about her friends. i wouldn't want a cm to have to sit and text 6 different lots of parents every time she wanted to feed the ducks either. i'd rather she concentrated on looking after the children than keeping parents micro-informed about their pfb's whereabouts. nurserycam, perhaps? trackable gps on the phone so you know where they are at every minute?

if you don't trust her, get a new cm. if you do, let her get on with her job. i would only ever get involved at this level if a child came home (eg) smelling of smoke or similar.

LuckyC, you're not just asking for information if you believe that your CM should work within parameters set by you and that you should try and amend her way of working if you don't agree with it.

No I'm a nanny Lucky - I did mention that in a previous post :) However my charges socialise with children who are cared for by childminders.

LuckyC - if your DC needs gentle socialisation then perhaps that is why your CM is taking her to a friend's house, as that'd be much quieter than a busy toddler drop in.

'I would like to have some knowledge about the environment she is in and the people she is with. ' - you can ask her to give you a list of places she goes its likely to be toddler group, library, park, playdates... possibly also zoo? farm? - depends whats nearby.

I usually tell parents if we are going somewhere special (like the zoo) as its a big day trip and they may need special clothes. I also usually text parents during the day to let them know how their child is doing and may well mention where we've been within that context (i.e. x enjoyed playing with the y at the children's centre this morning) but I could not check with parents beforehand about what we're doing as plans evolve during the day. Perhaps you could ask if your CM could text you?

Sometimes parents have met my friends (often but not exclusively CMs and nannies) when they've collected their children, but I wouldn't deliberately arrange this.

Blondes - I disagree! If CM is doing something I don't like, I think perfectly reasonable to try and have a discussion and amend the way things are done, or come to a compromise, or ask for more information

yes of course you can have a chat/discuss it, but if the cm says no, she wants to go there for her other charges needs then what happens - you dont want her to go/she does - so there is no compromise as she has to fit in the needs of all her children :)

fwiw, yes the cm could say im seeing blondes today who has 3 under 8, so least you know - but again plans change - i was going to spend this am in playing , building train tracks etc, but was so lovely and sunny, that i went to the park instead with my charge

i think its nice for children to go to other houses/groups and play with other new exciting toys and children

My CM regularly takes my DD (21 months - she's been with CM since she was 4 months old) to friends houses or toddler groups. I think it's great because I don't tend to do that at weekends when I have her with me so I love that she's socialising through the week. This actually resulted in DD being invited to her first birthday party at a nearby Softplay centre and I was thrilled!

Today CM had a GP appointment so asked me last week if it was OK that her DSis looks after my DD (and her other two mindees) in the GP surgery while she goes in with the GP.

DD is my only DC so I too have no other experience with CMs. But if you are concerned, raise your concerns and maybe just ask to be made aware of where the CM will be taking your child that day. I really don't think there's a reason to be worried. I have a good friend who is a CM and virtually every day meets up with other CMs at the park or the zoo. It's great for the DCs I think.

Agreed

Lucky Say you have 6 parents

1 wants a child to attend local sing and sign as the child is deaf
1 wants a child to go to toddler groups
1 doesn't want their child to attend toddler groups
1 wants a child to have a nap at home in a cot at the time toddler groups are on
1 has a child who will only sleep in a pushchair and whilst out and about
1 wants their child to attend the local toddler group at the local school as that is the school/nursery the children will attend

Which parent do you go with? As long as the children are within the correct ratio, always with the CM and she makes sure they are her priority, there really is no issue - is there?

LuckyC, childminders look after children from more than one family. You don't have the right to dictate and control to the extent you seem to wish to do.

A little while ago, a parent came to interview who didn't want us to take her child on longer outings and days our. If we'd agreed, that would have placed limits on the experiences and enjoyment of the other chlldren. We refused to accommodate her and she went elsewhere.

I agree with Blondes.