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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

not happy but not sure if I'm being precious.

57 replies

QuoteCode · 10/02/2011 11:57

Long story short - ds is 3.9, been at his lovely bright busy caring nursery for a year but increasingly very anxious about leaving me. Last 4 months haven't been great, since Christmas terrible to the point of crying about it at weekends, when he wakes up, all the way there, hysterical when I leave him and although he calms down the staff tell me he is "fine" but they honestly can't say "happy".

Decided to take him out and find a CM as I think he would do better with much gentler environment, fewer children, more 1-on-1. However CMs where I live are few and far between but managed to find one near me with a vacancy. Popped over on Sat to meet her, wasn't entirely sure about the set up but she was very warm and friendly and nice with ds.

Today is first trial day. Her house smelt a bit of smoke, but not fresh smoke. Perhaps her DH smokes (he works out of home during the day). The main living room where the children are is very dark - one wall painted v dark brown, dark brown venetian blinds, down but slats open. Lights not on. Very grey rainy day today.

TV was on - we'd spoken about this on Sat and she said the TV went on after tea only. Today she said it was on because one of the mindees was a bit under the weather. It would be going off shortly, oh after Something Special, no actually after the thing with the dog because the other mindee liked that. (so it would be on for almost another hour in fact). She also said as it's ds's first day they might put a DVD on later. They probably wouldn't go out today because of the other mindee. It is wet but ds has wellies and a waterproof as well as his coat and gloves.

When I was leaving they were going to get some toys out for ds, she only had baby things out for the baby mindee. ds very upset to be left (but he always is, even with much loved gps.)

I've been out on an errand and I did do a detour past the house - TV was not on at 11am when I went past, but was on again at 11.25 when I went back.

I'm not happy about this, I am torn because this is my last option and I'm going to have to rethink work and training if I take him out and have him at home. So am I being precious or is this a bit poor?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

agnethafaltskog · 11/02/2011 12:31

Put your work and training on hold. Keep DS with you apart from his 15 hours at pre-school. This is a little boy who needs his mummy, not another child care environment, until he starts school.

Original poster

QuoteCode · 10/02/2011 21:17

thank you so much everyone, I won't be taking ds back. your advice has been invaluable.

she came highly recommended with glowing testimony from someone who lives nearby. one of the reasons I wondered if it was me that was off in my judgement.

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ChildrenAtHeart · 10/02/2011 20:42

A written agreement (ie contract) is one of the Welfare Requirements so by suggesting you don't need a contract she is already breaking the law. From what you say she is breaking it again by being over her registered numbers - did you see her Registration Certificate as this will confirm her numbers? - and by not 'preventing the risk of spread of infection' by having a sick child present, and by not providing daily opportunities for outdoor play & learning experiences etc etc.
Please do not send your child to this CM for all the reasons everyone on here has said. And i would be considering contacting Ofsted with your concerns too...

StarExpat · 10/02/2011 20:29

"I am only a mum"

ImFab · 10/02/2011 18:48

I am only a mum but have used a playschool and a nursery as well as working as a nanny before I had my children. Alarm bells ringing very loudly here.

new2cm · 10/02/2011 18:33

I would second leeloo1.

I'm not great with paperwork and the EYFS, but even I have the basics of a Child Record Form, a contract, permission forms and some policies as well as a Learning Outdoors Action Plan.

Your childminder is very lucky that you are not an Ofsted inspector.

HSMM · 10/02/2011 18:32

Oh ... and I had a child arrive with a bad cold yesterday and his Mum was more than happy for him to be wrapped in blankets in a pushchair for a walk around a local lake.

He looked much better after all that fresh air.

HSMM · 10/02/2011 18:31

Keep looking for another CM, because there will be one with a bright welcoming smoke free house, who rarely uses the TV, because they're out all the time.

Other CMs in your area may have vacancies at the beginning of next school year in September, so if you are in a position to take some time out, then that might be an option.

Insist on policies, contracts, registration document, insurance, etc.

Original poster

QuoteCode · 10/02/2011 18:26

I suspect she has contracts for the others, but because ds will only be there a few months until school she thought this was a good option... I hadn't really thought it through until I twigged re form filling, contacts etc. but as I say I was definitely going to follow up on it if things had worked out - I guess in my gut I knew this wasn't quite right. the other cms he's been to before were very different (and fabulous! we moved away from one and the other gave up when her youngest started school. poor ds has had so many changes of childcare. perhaps he's just had enough, I know I have).

OP posts:

leeloo1 · 10/02/2011 18:02

Cross posted... She was happy to not do contracts ! This means its likely children are 'off the books' and she's not paying tax?

I'd leave now - and strongly consider reporting her to Ofsted!

leeloo1 · 10/02/2011 18:00

If Ofsted inspect then you automatically get unsatisfactory if you don't have emergency contact details for children in your care, so she isn't doing well if she didn't ask for yours.

You can't get a variation for 'new business', only for 'continuity of care' (so siblings or for existing children to do extra ours) so it also sounds like she is breaking the rules of her registration (so her insurance will be invalid) so that isn't great either.

Added to the no policies (what did her Ofsted report say about that?), tv on all day, not going out (under the EYFS its a statutory requirement that you're out in all weathers unless its dangerous!) and stale smoke I'd be looking at other options if I was you!

Original poster

QuoteCode · 10/02/2011 17:52

she said on Sat that we could do a contract "if I wanted but..." heavy hint. as I wasn't entirely sure about her at the time, I said ok - although if today had worked out better I was going to insist on a contract.

have not seen any forms eg permissions or health, though she asked if ds has any health or allergies probs, which he doesn't.

OP posts:

looneytune · 10/02/2011 17:33

Sounds like she's not meeting the very basic of what I'm sure are the legal requirements (I say I'm unsure as I don't need a document to tell me I should have all this info!!). That alone makes me say get rid, sorry that doesn't help but

Booh · 10/02/2011 17:12

Am I right in assuming that you haven't completed a contact, health form, any permission forms etc? That is not right at all.

Sorry too many bells are ringing to me.

Original poster

QuoteCode · 10/02/2011 16:02

thanks so much for your thoughts. My gut feel is that it isn't right. ds seemed ok with it, and said he preferred it to nursery (which is too noisy he always says).

I asked what he'd done and he said mainly TV but that CM had said he "shouldn't watch it because Mummy would be cross if he watched too much." so "the others watched it and I didn't" I haven't been able to work out if he sat in another room or in the same one but tried not to look!

CM also said "we'll get out next week - weather permitting". well it's rained hard all day but we went off to the local children's centre, just got home a bit damp but no bother really.

I was also about the mindee with the temp. she is long term and leaving soon so perhaps that's why allowed - but it would have been nice to have been told. she doesn't seem to have any policies, and looked surprised when I handed over a sheet with contact details, emergency contacts etc - I didn't get the impression she was going to ask me to fill anything in.

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looneytune · 10/02/2011 13:38

Another childminder here. These are my thoughts:

GLOOMY - not nice, I always make sure it's well lit and I wouldn't like it gloomy

TV - could be an off day, could see how it goes and it may be that she thought it would help settle your ds if he's that bad?

RATIOS - if you look online, it SHOULD show current numbers allowed. If that's what you looked at, unless one of those young children is her own then she's breaking the regs. If one IS her own, she's not as the certificate only shows numbers of children she can MIND.

SMOKE - I don't like that it smells. My dh smokes but NEVER in the house so it never smells.

NOT GOING OUT - sorry but no, I don't agree with that. I take children with minor coughs/colds etc. but no one can stay with a temp and even if it's just a cold, if they aren't fit for normal activities then they have to be at home. It's not fair on the other children otherwise. What if they took it in turns to be under the weather, they'd never get out! Now today I've not taken my lot out and I won't be (apart from the school runs of course). But that's because we've been busy making Valentine's cards so writing, gluing/sticking and making cookie dough then making heart shaped biscuits. After school we will decorate with pink icing and sparkly silver balls and they'll be wrapped tomorrow in red foil with ribbon to give to their parents. I have no time for them to go out today (as they have 3 hours of nursery in the middle of the day). So not going out is ok, if it's for the right reasons!!

Right, that's my opinion given. Good luck, I do feel for you as it must be horrible but you have to go with your gut feeling really.

Booh · 10/02/2011 13:18

Another thing that concerns me is why is she caring for a child with a temp? What if your ds caught what ever the other child had? I am a childminder, and I will care for children with the odd sniffle / cough, but as long as it doesnt impact on the other children in my car.

I am going to have to say, maybe have another look around. Where are you, as someone on here maybe able to help?

freshmint · 10/02/2011 13:17

worth having a browse on gumtree. or putting an ad up and seeing what comes back. you don't have to make quick decisions but then again you don't want to stress your ds any more...

ahhh childcare. nobody tells you about this at school

Original poster

QuoteCode · 10/02/2011 13:14

thanks everyone. last inspection wass oct 2010.

we've spoken by phone to see how things are going. ds wants to go out, but because one of the other mindees has a temp they can't. am going to collect him now and will have a think - not due back until next week.

OP posts:

freshmint · 10/02/2011 13:13

I think you need to go with your gut instinct. I wouldn't like to spend the day in a dark smokey room with the telly on all the time, even if she is a nice woman. There are too many kids which is why she doesn't want to go out in the rain.

Question is - what next? What about a nanny share? Could you stick an ad on gumtree for a nanny 3x week and see who turns up? He might be happier with a single adult in his own home environment which I think is optimal for small children actually, especially slightly anxious ones. But obviously it will be more expensive... A nanny with her own child/baby will be cheaper... there might be possibilities there?

Flisspaps · 10/02/2011 13:09

She may have been granted a variation since the inspection though, so might not be breaking regs.

I'd give it a few more days. However no-one should be smoking in a room where minded children are looked after, so even if her DH smokes, he shouldn't be doing it inside.

StarExpat · 10/02/2011 13:06

I wouldn't be happy about the stale smoke smell, but that's just something I feel strongly about. So I'd not send him back and say no thank you. That's just me, though.

Riddo · 10/02/2011 13:00

She is breaking her regs by having four children in the early years group.

She may vary the TV watching. My mindees watch more when they are under the weather and if it's really cold outside BUT I do have a chart which we fill in so they know when they've had their limit.

She might have had it on more to help settle your ds if she knows he likes it. I'd be more concerned about her breaking her regs and the smell of smoke tbh.

Original poster

QuoteCode · 10/02/2011 12:19

I could have the nursery place back - but I honestly don't think ds can cope with it. perhaps I am too soft but I think when you're 3 you shouldn't be so upset so much of the time, not about a big thing like where you spend 3 days of your week.

will talk to nursery again. perhaps a break from it would help. arrgh this is horrible and so emotive and frustrating. I want him to be happy but I also want him to go to nursery!

OP posts:

mollythetortoise · 10/02/2011 12:16

I agree you need to give it more than one day but it doesn't sound good. If you/he are still unhappy you will have to re-think.

I think the nursery sounds better - you describe it positively and at least he is familiar with it even if he isn't very happy there. Could you get his place back?

From your son's point of view, he is now in strange house with a strange baby.

I have every sympathy, my son cried persistantly being dropped off at nursery - it is heartbreaking

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