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Original poster

worried about my nanny - bit long, sorry

29 replies

skaen · 15/01/2011 11:31

I have a nanny for DD 3.5 and DS 18months. She has 2 children of her own - a DD of 6 and a DD of 3.11. She has looked after DD for 2 years and DS since I went back to work after ML.

There are a few things bothering me and I would like the MN verdict on them:

  1. I have been back at work for 3 days per week for 4 months. In that time, the nanny has had 3 days off to deal with her children being ill and has called me home because one of mine is ill on a further 3 occasions. There are also fairly regular comments that one of them isn't right and if it were her children she'd be at home.

  2. There are fairly regular comments about DD's behaviour. The latest incident was when nanny's DD was on the loo. DD was waiting and had an accident. The nanny was and is cross with my DD about this as she thinks it is deliberate. I think it was an accident. I also think overall, the nanny thinks we don't back her up on DD's behaviour. We do enforce good behaviour but might draw the lines in slightly different places. DD's behaviour is generally fine at home and at playgroup.

  3. She seems generally a bit stressed and as though it is all a bit difficult.

I was going to try and have an appraisal sort of thing and go through this but I'm generally not sure how to approach it - particularly issue 2. DD seems completely unconcerned at the moment but it is bothering me a lot.

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Katerlina · 15/01/2011 12:46

I have no experience of this being a SAHM who has never employed a childcarer, so ignore me if you want to.... BUT you are this woman's employer, not her friend. She is paid as a nanny to care for your children - and if you feel she isn't doing this in a satisfactory manner, then you need to make that plain. She should be looking after them to YOUR satisfaction not hers.

Try an appraisal type chat - have a look on personnel management websites, or even childcare/ nannying websites, for some guidelines and go for it. If you discuss the problems in a professional manner, perhaps you can come to some compromise - if she isn't able to discuss with you in an adult manner, then perhaps it's time to look elsewhere... these are your kids, and thus your priority lies with them...

And I agree with HowTo - she should be caring for your sick children, not palming them back to you. My understanding is that Nannies get paid more due to qualifications and larger responsibilities - if she was an au pair or a CM then that would be different...

Chloe55 · 15/01/2011 12:34

Ah, i wasn't aware of that how to look good. I was a childminder and I thought that a nanny played a similar role, only they worked from the families homes, not their own - like a childminder.

HowToLookGoodGlaikit · 15/01/2011 12:29

Isnt the point of a nanny is that she will take care of sick children (to a certain point) where as a CM wouldnt?

Chloe55 · 15/01/2011 12:28

I think your point 1 is a bugger and a bit of an inconvenience for you but there is little that your nanny/you can do about child illnesses. She needn't make comments about what she would do, clearly meant to make you feel guilty about going to work and not staying at home with your dc. I am sure, as you are at work 3 days a week, you spend enough time with your dd to make your own decision if she is 'not right'

However, I would be furious about her reaction to your dd in point 2! If your dd had an accident as she had to wait too long then it is completely unacceptable for the nanny to be cross with her Angry but also, if like she says, your dd did it on purpose then it is likely this was for attention and again, completely unacceptable for her to be cross with her. It does sound like it was the first reason she had the accident though and your nanny was probably stressed but that's no excuse.

I would be concerned about her general attitude and she doesn't sound like the type of woman I would want looking after my kids. She has been with you for 2 years though and your dd hasn't shown signs of not particularly liking her so she must have some good qualities.

You obviously need to have a discussion with her. I am not sure how close you both are but would it be worth asking if everything is ok with her as she is seeming a little stressed and is there anyway of you doing something to make things a little easier for her? I would tell her you weren't happy about the toilet incident but that you understand she might have been having a bit of a stressful morning. That way, she knows you are pissed off but that you are being understanding if something is going wrong in her personal life. Could it be that she might have recently lost a loved one/going through a strained relationship etc? I am not condoning her behaviour but if she feels she has you on side (and you wish to keep her as the nanny) then it will benefit your children.