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Original poster

Oh dear, i feel really bad now

56 replies

Saltire · 10/01/2011 08:21

Just had a text from my infamousGrin mindees mum. She's actually dropping them off this week as the dad has now got a full time permanent job.
She is supposed to be dropping them off before 8.30 because I leave for school then

She has just texted me to say "please can you give x (older child) a piece of toast to eat ont eh way to schol, as we don't have time for breakfast"

So I ran gher and said that I wasn't really keen doing that. So she said that " well x is a realy slow eater, and he likes cereal in the morning but it takes ages to eat it and we don't have time even for toast, and since he goes straight to nursery he'll need something"

At this point I had a lightbulb moment and asked
"so last week when dad dropped them off, had he had breakfast?"
Answer - NO.
The reason was that the dad didn't have time

I feel really bad now, as the wee soul had nothing from getting up till snack time at nursery, which is about 10.30.
I know it's not my fault, but I feel quite distressed by it
I felt like saying "well fucking well get up 1/2 hour earlier then"
But I didn't

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Original poster
Saltire · 14/01/2011 08:14

Blondes - oh yes, mindee is all smiles if I pick him up, or if I ignore his brother and sit with him on my knee. i mean how dare I expect him to sit ont eh floor and play

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 13/01/2011 14:24

yep ditto - its pure rage and thats what i said to mum

no tears, just rage that he has to go in his cot and sleep

pick him up and instant smiles and quiet Hmm

3 days on, hes learning to settle his self and mum is thrilled

god im good Grin

Original poster
Saltire · 13/01/2011 08:14

Also -re the screeching. it's not crying, it is just screaming. he doesn't like not having my complete and utter undivided attention. We had to leave Mums and tots tha other day because we sat on the floor and if any other child or adult came within 2 feet of us he would screech, and keep on screeching till the moved. He screeches when DH comes in the house, and does it the whole time he is thereHmm. if I stop the buggy - to cross the road for example, then he starts. If I stop the buggy to go in teh house he starts.If we stop to speak anyone he does it. and how dare I try and get him to sleep!!

Very very wearing and tiring.

OP posts:
Original poster
Saltire · 13/01/2011 08:11

Blondes - thanks . There are 2 other CMs near me. Both of them just do part time though, and I don't really see that much of them. 1 has jsut started so it's all a bit new and strange for her. Plus, we all live on a military base (which in OFSTEDs eyes mean we must be extra bad and therefore need extra checks) and its a very small one where everyone knows everyone else! They both know the parents of the children I CM for

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 12/01/2011 21:45

saltire,im re training a 7mth old at night at the moment,and he is left to screech in rage at not having a bottle/being picked up/going in mums bed etc

doesnt screech for long and is learning to re settle his self but obv i leave him for a few mins to cry - so we must be bad together Wink

we all need a break and as you said we dont have colleagues as such to discuss problems so mn is a great place

out of curiosity are there many cm near you and do you chat/see them for your sanity?

looneytune · 12/01/2011 14:01

Don't worry Saltire, I'm sure we've all gone through phases where we have no choice but to ignore things for their own benefit. If he was overtired then yes, sometimes you have to try and let them cry it out (within reason) and no it's not nice but I've done this with my own ds2 and then he's been so much happier for a sleep!! I don't see the harm in a very quick post (it was a tiny one that one) whilst in the middle of that :) One of my mindees had to be ignored sometimes and mum wanted me to and she was actually happy for me to MSN her about it whilst it was happening. There are worse things you could do!!

Original poster
Saltire · 12/01/2011 08:15

I did post that he was screeching- he was in the buggy screeching because he didn't want to sleep. He wasnt out int eh garden screeching, he wasn't in pain, it was pure temper because I ahd dared to try and get him to sleep - which, considering he'd been up since 5ish - I think he should have had a sleep.

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 12/01/2011 08:11

Anyfule - tbh I think you're reacting to the wrong issue here. Most mothers would mnet with small dcs nearby. I don't think Saltire is out of line there.
PLainly there is a big issue with this family - not bothering to feed a child for four hors because she assumes you will do so is very worrying. Have you thought abot calling socoal services for a chat about this? JUst to register your disquiet?

Original poster
Saltire · 12/01/2011 08:05

Also, I don't care what anyone else thinks, to leave a 15 month from 5am(ish) till after 8.30 -(when he comes to me) without any food is awful. Add to that the fact that he then doesn't actually get anything till 9.30(through no fault of mine, BTW), well that is bordering on neglect.

She claimed last night that "we never give him breakfast before 9am at weekends, no matter what time he wakens. if we gave him it at 7/8am, we'd have to give him his lunch earlier too then his dinner ealier and that means doing to lots of meals, 1 for him and 1 for us, so we leave him till 9am so that the routine for meals during the day isn't disturbed"

OP posts:
Original poster
Saltire · 12/01/2011 08:02

No, I never said I wanted to hear the mums a loon. I was looking for somewhere to moan with fellow CM's, as ,like I said in a ealier post,I don't have work colleagues to moan at, so where else can i go for a good moan?

OP posts:
AnyFuleKno · 12/01/2011 07:28

I know what you said and At least one of your posts says a mindee was awake, but Cba to argue. Do what you want. If what you want to hear is that the mum's a loon and that you're totally right then I think you got what you wanted in spades.

Original poster
Saltire · 12/01/2011 07:23

Ok, no need to take that "whatever" attitude though. i was merely pointing out what I'd said

OP posts:
AnyFuleKno · 11/01/2011 21:30

whatever, forget I said anything.

Original poster
Saltire · 11/01/2011 20:54

Anyfuleknow - se my post of 14.13 yesterday

"both sleeping now" it says

OP posts:
AnyFuleKno · 11/01/2011 20:36

thebody, you're wilfully misinterpreting. I didn't say childminders shouldn't have a break. I said MNing while (on OPs say so) a mindee was screeching wasn't brilliant.

Also, there's no indication in the posts here that the mother was abusive, so for the DH to get involved in a matter that is nothing to do with him is very very unprofessional. The fact that the childminding is taking place in OP's home should not permit the boundaries to be blurred. If the DH of a member of nursery staff got involved in an issue like this, you'd all think it was outrageous.

This whole problem is nothing that can't be solved by being assertive and setting out the terms of a contract.

AnyFuleKno · 11/01/2011 20:31

Saltire, you said "Mindee 1 is fast asleep on sofa now and his brother is screeching". You didn't say they were both asleep.

thebody · 11/01/2011 18:28

total agreement looney!!!!

looneytune · 11/01/2011 18:16

Hahahaha, love the idea Grin Fed up of spending weekends doing it and missing my own kids :(

thebody · 11/01/2011 18:15

lol looney

and of course dont dare do the vast amounts of paperwork involved in cming while children are playing happily /sleeping.. that has to be done in our free family time of course!!!

actually we could do with the equivelent of a teacher training day.. my dcs seem to get them all the time.. how about a campaign for a cmd day(childminder paperwork day)

paid of course ha ha ha!!!!!

looneytune · 11/01/2011 18:13

Saltire - do you use NCMA contracts? If so, what is down on page 3 WRT meals? Unless breakfast is listed, it's not part of the contract.

I do 2 things re meals:

  1. Note on page 3 of the contract what is to be included

  2. Have a separate bit in my handbook which mentions the latest I will provide breakfast which for me is actually 7.45am (at the VERY latest and that wouldn't be a full on breakfast as there wouldn't be time) - we leave at 8.05am. I wouldn't allow mine to eat ON the school run due to potential choking hazards as it's more important for me to keep them safe.

I will definitely be recording these things as that huge gap from being awake to eating breakfast is a sign of neglect (especially her reasons for it i.e. NOT because the child isn't hungry!!)

Poor kids :(:(:(

looneytune · 11/01/2011 18:10

Agree with thebody! (for everyone's information, my 7am-6pm working day is over! Wink)

thebody · 11/01/2011 17:42

oh dear, another poster who feels cms shouldnt have a break during the day while kids are asleep!!! how is this unprofessional???

do you have a break at work Anyfuel or work straight through a ten hour shift(those are my hours 8am till 6pn)

as for the posters dh getting involved!!! my dh stepped in to back me up from an abusive mother last year.. its our house as well as a place of work and I am sure that collegues back you up in your job if needed..

saltire please give this family notice for your pwn sanity!!!

Littlefish · 11/01/2011 17:15

I think you just have to say no to her.

Say that it is her responsibility to give him breakfast, or give him a piece of toast in a plastic box to eat on the way to school.

If she wants you to provide breakfast, then they have to be there by 8.00am which you will obviously charge them for.

Time to get tough.

gingernutlover · 11/01/2011 17:11

my cm provides breakfast but only for the children who are there before a certain time, the same with dinner, if i pick up early dd misses tea!

you need to have a contract which says when meals are sevred (and add a bit about when you stop serving breakfast to make it really obvious too)

but having read your other threads about this family I think I would be giving notice if I could afford it.

anewyear · 11/01/2011 09:26

@I would start recording these as incidents and getting her to sign. if she asks why you could say you are becoming concerned at her apparent lack of ability to care for the children and are recording incidents just in case you need to refer to social services. Perhaps that might give her a jolt!
Extreme perhaps. But to me what you are describing - basically can't be arsed to feed her own kids - then thats bordering neglect surely.@

Brilliant idea from Pippin, also at the same time mention its time for a new contract re times and food etc etc Smile

Oh and Im MNing coz I only have after schoolers today.......