I'm really ticked off about this and don't know how to handle it.

exposer? oh jeez, meant "exposure"

How old is your DS? Could you say it is time for him to get some exposer/socialisation with other children his age (or even other children that are not his age) and therefore you want to consider a childminder?

I do agree that this is a bit weird. I had a nanny once who used to argue with me about what was best for DD, as if she had equal claims to DD. I found to be one step to far. Of course you want your child's carer to love them, but you also want them to know when to step back and let youmake the decision. It's a fine line, but a good nanny posesses the skill to know when to take charge and when to step back.

Is this woman an experienced nanny? Or just a friend who was available to look after your ds?

tell me about it!!

would it be worth discreetly looking into different forms of childcare? Maybe a childminder would accomodate those hours you described. Reading between the lines it sounds like there's too much history with you and this woman, a clean break sounds healthy and just see her socially when you alone are in charge of your child.

How has she been this week?

It would be difficult for your child to understand the differing boundaries imo, if you are both in the room together. Its good your child has such a great relationship with their carer. Thats the important thing.

I dont have direct experience but my mum used to childmind and regularly found it difficult sometimes to explain to annoyed parents that their child will run to her when they are upset etc etc because they are with her for most of their waking time. It doesnt mean they love their parents less, its just what they are used to. You cant explain that to a child imo so the parents just need to get their heads round it.

The PND thing is a whole other issue really, Im not sure what her intentions were by saying that to you.

Also your nanny was on show ...what would have your thoughts have been if she had totally ignored your family. Myself I never attend paties, functions where my bosses go, only if I am on duty.
I really don't think your nanny mean't any harm, yes a little later on have a word explain you were a little jealous etc & point out you knew it was not her/his intention but it did. You can point this out because you should have a good relationship with your nanny and can also say poss with compliment You are greatful that nanny has a great repore with your child. (an experienced nanny will take this on board).
All the best.

Hi jabberwocky, seen your post earlier and have been thinking of how to put my reply! I worked as a nanny long long ago and something similiar happened to me. When the little girls mum came home at night I tried to keep a distance to let mum have her time ( and so I could have mine) but the little girl always sought me out to play with her. So I would play with her and then one night the mum went mad at me, shouting this is my time. Now I could understand her feeling angry, but the child spent all day with me and some might say inevitably went to me in the evening. Maybe your ds is used to her and feels comfortable going to her? Not that I'm saying in any way he doesn't want you, as his mum you are number one in his life and please don't ever doubt it. But if you feel she'e overstepping the mark, perhaps some alternative childcare should be arranged? It all sounds a bit too close for comfort. My situation came about as I nannied full time 12 hours a day with sole charge, if your nanny is only part time maybe she needs reminded you only need her for when your working.

Good luck, sorry for the waffle!!

PMSL!

Oh hello CD. Should have known you'd come along to disagree...

who me OO?

Furthermore, you should keep in mind (as should she) that she works for you. If don't like the way she is doing something, you have every right to ask her to change her ways (politely of course). This is one of the few benefits of being an employer. This woman is your employee, and she is therfore obliged to perform her duties in accordance with your instruction. If you ask her to step bak when she isn't on duty, then that is what she should do.

Be careful however to keep your employer relationship separate from your frindship. Employer issues should be discussed at work. Don't embarrass her in fron of mutual friends. That's not the place for this conversation.

You must have a massive purse if you can fit crackers in it uwila

I'm with the majority here, actually my nanny does that a bit and I don't mind at all.

I'm afraid I have to disagree with the majority of the comments on here. I employ a nanny, and I feel very strongly that it is her place to step back when I enter the room IF I drop a subtle hint to do so. And getting crackers out of my purse myself is a bit more than subtle. My nanny does this by the way. Though I once had one that didn't. When I would come from work she would continue to monopolise DD. I think she meants well. Probably wanted to show me what DD had learned. But she didn't realise that evening time was precious and it was MINE. But it is her job to know this as a nanny. I think your expectations of your professional nanny/employer relationship are normal and justifiable.

I think unfortunately the nanny is just trying to be very caring and helpful, and not realising how it is making you feel. You could gently explain that when you are around, you would like her to butt out, but to be honest I do wonder if the nanny set-up is going to work out for you. I think it is normal to have some jealousy issues with a nanny, but as you have had a rough time recently and are struggling with this situation, I think another sort of childcare might be a happier choice in the long run.

I know where you are coming from Jabberwocky. SIL did the same sort of thing to me when she was looking after my ds2 while I was out at work full time. We were out for a picnic one weekend, I was happily eating a sandwich and feeding ds, and suddenly she whipped the teaspoon out of my hand and said "Let me do that, so you can concentrate on eating"
I was furious, especially as dx sided with her. It still makes me really angry thinking about it, even 5 years later. I think she did it on purpose, to try and make herself look like an angel and me look like an ungracious cow.
The fact is, it is hard to leave our children and go to work full time, and most professional child carers recognise that. This kind of incident tends to crystalise all our suppressed misery at leaving our children.
I think that your nanny was being unprofessional, even if she was motivated by affection for your ds.

Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with going to a party given by close friends at the end of a workday. It just means that you didn't feel as close to your ds as you might have otherwise. But, it was only one evening and not an overall shift in your time with him.

I would tend to look at the party as an isolated incident. You must, of course, be vigilant that she is not forming an unhealthy attachment to your son. But, if that is not the case, then next time try to take a big step back, and enjoy your son and enjoy the party too!

Sounds like she is very good with your son, and has his best interests at heart. Based on your description, I would tend to look at this as a single incident, rather than a overall statement that it's "the way things are". Do you really think she is trying to usurp your position as mum, or could she be nervous at parties and want something to "do" to make her feel comfortable?

Also, would gently suggest that if you want to re-connect with your son after being away all day, perhaps an evening party isn't the best setting. Please don't take that as a criticism, because it's not intended that way.

I am glad if dd manages to connect with people who truly care for her. It gives her more love in her life, and a person/child can never have too much of that. In the past, I have had feelings of jealousy/envy at the ease with which she plays with other adults, and how much she enjoys it. But, I put it down to guilt and insecurity on my part. I know dd loves me, and she knows I love her. We both need to feel secure in that love.

Does that ring true for you at all, or am I on the wrong track?

I think it's a case of mixing business with pleasure (although 'pleasure'is probably pushing it).

You may well be over-reacting, but I doubt you will change the way you feel.

If I were you, I would have to change the situation - your bond with your child is one of the strongest most important relationships. If you feel this woman is putting it at risk, then put an end to the business side of the relationship. You obviously need to make alternative childcare provision, but easier than feeling miserable and resentful.