Am I being unreasonable with my childminder

Mimosa don't be put off by one bad childminder, there are lots and lots of fantastic childminders out there.

You wouldnt get a childminer for £4.5 ph where I am in the south east, I charge £6 ph but that does include all food / activities etc.

I will take my mindees shopping, and have taken them to a supermarket, as the others have said it can be made into a learning experience. I would never do the big shop (well I dont ever do a big shop.........maybe you should let her into a secret of internet shopping!)

Can you sit down with her and have a chat about the things your are unhappy about?

I wouldn't drive my mindees in this snow - ask to see her risk assessment of the journey. Surely she could have gone after work, very few Supermarkets are shut at 6pm.

She should not have left one of the children in the car with her DH, unless he is also registered. I'm guessing your child fell asleep on the way there and she didn't want to wake them, but that's not the point.

I do take my mindees to the supermarket, but not for a big shop and it is a truly interactive learning experience when I do. This is with the full knowledge of their parents.

£4.50 per hour is not bad, depending on where you live. Paying while a child is a school is unusual in my area, but paying while a child is at pre school, or nursery is normal.

For me, the biggest worries are the driving in the snow and the child left outside her supervision.

Fair enough, Ilove, but the CM should have kept them indoors, not had them sitting outside in the cold. It was the cold that was the issue, not the fact that the children were ready to go.

I think there was another unidentified adult in the car, Chipping, not just the DH. That was what mimosa was worried about.

I agree re the charges - mimosa, the NCMA would be able to advise you on this, but it is fairly normal practise to pay to keep the space open for your children, as Chipping said. And good advice from Chipping re checking on terms and conditions next time.

Going to bed now, but hope you get the situation sorted out as easily as possible, mimosa.

I agree that the relationship has broken down and you would be better off finding someone else to mind them.

However, I wouldn't mind her taking them shopping, even her food shop for Christmas. So it was borng - life isn't a funfair - best they get used to that idea now rather than think the world revolves around them.

I wouldn't mind her DH staying in the car with my DD. Frankly, CRB checks aren't worth the paper they are written on, but I thought for CM's all members of the household over 16 were CRB'd (is that not the case?). One of the reasons I would choose a CM over a nursery would be to have this kind of a set up. Kids doing normal day to day jobs, occasionally doing something boring like supermarket shopping for Christmas.

As for waiting outside for you, if you hadn't called to say you were running late and she'd got their coats etc on they were probably too hot inside. Yes they were looking a bit fed up - they were waiting for you!

As for the charges - I presume she is then available to you to collect the children if they need to be collected from school/nursery due to illness etc & that she has them in the holidays/inset days etc? You are paying for her to keep the space for you. £90 a day works out at £4.50 per child per hour - the rates will vary from area to area - but would you look after someone elses child for less than £4.50 an hour?

I think you are being unreasonable on all counts except for the road condition. I don't know where you are. Our roads are fine today, just wet, no worse than if it had been raining and I imagine most main roads would have been fine with the exception of a lot of Scotland - so I don't know if you are BR or BU with regard to that.

If you change childminders you need to make sure you are happy with all of the terms & conditions next time and that you talk about what you are and aren't happy for the children to do and if the CM agrees then you both know where you stand.

i didn't say it was right to have them standing outside. i said it was right that teh CM sent the message that 6pm was pick-up time by having them ready to go.

Mimosa - just read your last post and your CM sounds awful. I have no doubt about it. Find a new one.

Boys - There's a difference between taking children on a 34-mile trip to a supermarket in hazardous driving conditions and taking your childminded children on an educational and fun shopping trip, surely? I would have taken childminded children to a local shop to buy vegetables/fruit, then we might have walked home and cooked with them. I would not have taken them shopping for my own benefit, as this childminder seemed to do, with no regard for the comfort (and, it could be argued, safetly) of the children.

As for those who say the CM was right to have the children sitting outside, waiting, when the OP was late - they were COLD. She was not considering their welfare. In this situation, she could have considered charging the OP extra for being late and maybe pointed out that it made things difficult for her, rather than just making the children sit outside, as if her responsibilities were over at 6pm.

I have a childminder myself now. She is absolutely wonderful and would be aghast at what the op is describing.

lol love the name Boys - and so agree!!! - with the name and that the relationship has broken down - sounds like it never really got it together anyway.

I feel that the relationship with the CM has broken down - do you agree?

you might consider giving notice and starting afresh; she's just going to go on annoying and irritating you and the stress isn't worth it

agree with Eweatherwax, she is expecting punctuality from you but also expecting you to be flexible for her. not a fair deal.

mimosa - I remember the late thing. I can understand what Boo is saying if you were doing it regularly but if she is ''running a business'' then it should be totally professionally and should not ask you to pick up early and should not shop whilst ''working''

If she were a bit more ''flexible'' then I would have no problem with the odd shop especially re this time of year but she is charging you through the nose to be honest and being snotty about 10 mins late - I would be looking around for alternatives

hah hah

oh yes, that too, I'm still learning

yy ILoveIt

And having the children ready to go straight away meant that you could get away without the usual ten minute faff of shoes on/coats on/where's the bag so that the children's evening wouldn't be more disrupted than need be

well 6pm was pick-up time and she is running a business and is right to send you that message. 10 minutes late is 10 minutes into her family time that she is losing and not getting paid for.

Chrtistmas shopping apart (when the supermarkets are heaving) what is the general objection to taking children to the supermarket, please?

In my practice we write/dictate lists, go to the supermarket, find items, classify them too sometimes, weigh, count, talk about country of origin, identify and distinguish between varieties of fruit/veg, handle money, bring the stuff home, cook/bake it

What is wrong with this?

I am genuinely interested

When DD was minded (a long time ago now) the CM took her everywhere - dentist (CM's appointments), shopping, hairdresser etc, etc. All of the things I would have done if home with DD. I was glad for this. DD did not grow up thinking that life was one long experience centred on her. If I had my time again I would do the same again.

As for fees, check what others are charging in your neighbourhood.

I had a P/T nanny (1 afternoon a week) and found out she was taking DD shopping. I immediately stopped using her, and I would recommend you do the same in this situation.

I would be furious. Why couldn't she send her husbannd to tesco?

the charges should have been in your contract so it is up to you to read it before you sign it to make sure you knw what they are.

WRT having them ready to go, that is good practise. when you say in teh cold, do you mean outside? and were they alone outside?

veryu true belle.