Am I being unreasonable with my childminder

Blondes - I ordered a big shop the other week, lots of extras incase we were snowed in. We are up a flight of stairs - but hey ho, delivery guys are usually fit youngish blokes - no worries. Of couse, it was a short, slight built woman in her (I'd say) 50's... I felt bad. I couldn't even help as I wasn't supposed to be lifting anything at all. I did offer her the use of the bathroom, hot drink, biscuits ....

Looney - online shopping is fab ESP as sexy driver carries all stuff to kitchen

Hope your stuff arrives from Amazon - Db is waiting for something and they swore it would be delivered by mon eve and still not there :(

Maybe you news to put coats/shoes on if still got kids at 6.20 and you finish at 6 :)

Dear mimosa

I do sympathise with you, as both a childminder and a mum who uses more than one childminder.

I would say though, to think quite carefully before you complain to ofsted. If there are more issues that you have not been happy with previously maybe its an idea speaking to her first.
If the conditions were dangerous to drive in, there is no excuse for driving in it. With regards to the shopping however, using a childminder gives children the experience of a home from home. And in light of the time of year, christmas shopping, etc, shopping is understandable I think and maybe you can empathise with her. But it sounds like there's an underlying bad relationship.

The reason I say this, when anyone looks after our dear loved one we generally have little things which irritate us, but if they seem happy we can overlook things. With regards to charges I pay £60 per day for just one child, so £90 sounds reasonable. Maybe check with other local childminders to see what they charge.

I think its sooo important that you have a good relationship and trust with the person looking after your children or it can build up and cause you a lot of concern and you can feel more and more resentful every day. Good luck

Just to comment on that last bit Blondes, I work 7am - 6pm, quite often don't get last mindee out til around 6.20pm then have my own kids to sort out, overnighters staying etc etc. I find it INCREDIBLY hard to get ANY shopping done, it stresses me a lot - HOWEVER, I see that as my problem tbh and I either send dh out or order online (I'm sat here as we speak worried sick that the Amazon order for my 7 yr old ds, to be from FC is going to arrive tomorrow!!). If I'd planned to go on X day and the snow had messed that up for me and I really was in a panic then I'd speak to the parents of my mindees and ask if they'd mind on this occasion (them knowing it's not like me to do this). We're all different but I still don't agree with her Xmas shopping with mindees.

Dmo - how on earth do you amange to survive charging that?

Op- you agreed to paying her while your dc are at school and signed the contract (obv you know better now lol) cm are se and techinally don't need to ask for permission to do things - whether to drive or go to a shop iyswim

Obv going Xmas food shopping isn't totally benifical for your dc but if she is working all the hours then maybe the only time she was free

If she had taken your dd into the shop would you have minded?

DMO - what area do you live in? I cannot believe you have parents complaining??? WTF As for the cheeky fecker paying you £11 for 5 hours of her choice, put your foot down. Tell her you have a 'session' price and you are open for 2 sessions. She chooses a session or pays for 2 sessions as you cannot sell 2 halves of sessions. Be firm my friend!

I know many childminders who DO do odd bits of supermarket shopping with the mindees and if it's educational, I don't see a problem with it (I haven't done it for a VERY VERY long time as had so many so young for a while that I just couldn't stand the thought of a supermarket with a triple buggy + sling or whatever lol). I do know a childminder who does her weekly shop with them but the parents are fully aware and fine with that. I personally think a Christmas shop with them was a very bad idea and not on really, even a weekly shop isn't on (imo) if the parents aren't aware of this. As for the road conditions, that's even worse. On Monday I only had 1 mindee (rest sick) so would have been a perfect opportunity to pop to the shops for a few Christmas craft bits (I wanted to get them to make decorations) but I 'risk assessed' (in my head as it was pretty obvious) and decided the roads weren't worth the risk so we didn't go.

My DH sometimes stays with the children/collects from school etc.....he's a registered assistant though AND I have written permission from all the parents. Unless they are registered, that's against the rules. Once I went to the park, got them all back to my house then realised I'd left something important. Dh offered to stay with the kids whilst I ran round the corner (back in my first year of cming) and I had to explain that even for a couple of minutes he wasn't allowed. So I dragged them back and just left our kids with him.

Coats on outside isn't too bad in itself (I don't do this but I know some parents who like it this way as means they get home quicker, one of my mindees tends to leave at 6.20pm when I finish at 6pm) as they may have put them on at 6pm to be helpful and then thought they were too hot in the house after a while so more comfortable outside (as they were in OUTDOOR wear). HOWEVER, it sounds like she was off? and if so, it's THAT I would find odd. I have one who used to be 5-10 mins late EVERY time and on a Friday night that gets really annoying. However I had one mum who was 3 hours late (9pm instead of 6pm) once due to flooding and I didn't find that annoying, I felt sad for her as she wanted to get back for her baby! I didn't charge and was very reassuring. If you are normally early, she should be nice about it. Sometimes if I have to rush off straight after they arrive, I have them ready (although rare) but as I rush them out, I'm very polite and explain why and I always end it with 'I wouldn't want you to think I'm being rude, I just can't be late' - they all know me well enough to know I'm not like that anyway.

The hourly rate imo is fine. I'm in SE and charge £4.30ph (£5ph before 8am and after 6pm and also for under 8 hours care in a day) although I can't believe it's morally correct to charge whilst they're at school. Yes, you sign to her terms and yes, it's up to her but if they are at school ALL DAY M-F then she shouldn't charge as they are not taking a space anyone else could use as that child would be in the over 5s ratio! I always charge all day if they're at pre-school or nursery but that's pretty standard as taking up a space.

DMO - you are BONKERS hun!!! My local holiday schemes charge a lot less too but I'm a totally different provider and offer something my parents would prefer than holiday clubs (some tried as needed to save money but then went back on my waiting list as didn't like them!). I charge my usual hourly rate so from 7.30 - 6 (you mentioned), I'd charge £46.50 - no chance I'm lowering it, it's my bonus income plus I spend a lot on taking them all out for day trips and so NEED this extra money. My rate is all inclusive so they don't pay ANYTHING on top.

There are better ways to communicate that she has a difficulty with your being late, than using your children to make her point. A quiet word with you one-to-one would suffice I would think.

If she felt the need to communicate that she was inconvenienced, so strongly that she was willing to have the children cold and uncomfortable while they waited, I would personally question whether the working relationship is good enough between us. If it cant be improved upon, then I would consider changing childminders.

DMO how the hell do you make ur money? Where do u stay?? I'm In east Kilbride, Scotland and charge £4 per hour minimum!! It really wouldn't be worth my while if i didnt!! lol

Mimosa, i think you are maybe not happy with your CM in general?

I personally don't take my mindees to do a big shop. I do take them to thee supermarket if we are going for them. So for instamce other day we went to get stuff to make cakes with them and it was a very fun and enjoyable experience for them. But not a big shop, so i totally get what you mean there.

With regards to you being late? We close at a certain for a reason. i have done similar things to what you are describing. I previously had a parent coming at 5.59pm (i close at 6) to then faff about for ten minutes getting her child ready and talk about the day, hand over diaries etcetc I started getting the mindees shoes and coat on and my coat on and my DD's coat on and the minute they left my house i left right after them as i was going 'out' Did this for a few days until they got the msg and started giving themself time to come in and chat etc because quite frankly i don't want anyone still in my house come 6.15!!!

£4.50 is not a bad fee, depends on which part of the country you live in i suppose, i know of some ppl on MN that pay £6++ not including any food.

In my area it is not usual to charge for care when the child is at school but it is norml to charge if they are at nursery (like the local one within the school for 2.5 hours a day).

Her husband should be checked. I do not leave my mindees alone with my OH or anyone else who comes into my home as as far as i'm aware that is standard procedure. Altho she was probably thinking of ur child when she left her in the car with her hubby as wldnt want to of woke her up. Which she may just have thought that was a nice thing to do, without thinking of any other implications.

chipping yes fully reg with nneb and nvq3

i charge £22 for 7.30 till 6pm

or £11 for 7.30am till 12.30pm
£11 for 1pm till 6pm

and i have parents still moan about it

all this week had a mother bring her child at 10am for 5 hours and pays me £11 cause she cant get her here for 7.30am and its still 5 hrs care i give up!!!!!!!!1

Like others I owuld not have a problem with a trip to shops to buy ingredients but doing the xmas shop when she is being paid to look after your DC is out of order

I think the weather means these are exceptional circumstances,and I'm sure she's not going to do it again.But I don't think she should be dragging children around to do food shopping, when you are paying her, if you are not happy with it.

I can and have been livid about people other than my CM even being in the house with the kids she's supposed to be looking after! the point is, it's about sticking to the rules because on the horrible, occasional occasion, that 'extra person who was alone with them for half an hour' turns out to not be as low a risk as you'd thought.

I'm not really a reactionary l 'everybody in the world should get CRB-checked person' but on this point i think it's a big deal.

also i don't think christmas shopping is an emergency (which is what i would forgive a CM leaving a sleeping child with somebody different for, or making a potentially dangerous journey for for that matter). sounds like CM hasn't been organised, isn't doing risk assessments seriously as required and doesn't take the rules seriously.

... and breathe!

Consider other child care options in case you cant get a suitable childminder. eg fuller days at the nursery, breakfast and afterschool club at school etc

Apotomak - you see, really, it's not that black & white. In the same situation I would rather she left my child asleep in the car with her DH than wake her up to take her into the supermarket. It's personal preferences and you have to choose a CM that suits you. As far as I'm concerned that is a complete waste of Ofsteds time & resources.

Omaoma - I am sure the husband will have been CRB checked. Ths child was asleep and he kept an eye on her. I really can't see what the big deal is. You might consider she failed you, I wouldn't consider she'd failed me.

what is clear is that you and your CM have different expectations about what her role and responsibilities are. In that situation you can either discuss each of your expectations and see if there is any flexibility on either side to renegotiate (eg, around having flexibility re pick up on the odd occasion, perhaps you could text before pick up if you know you'll be late etc; agreed max time to spend in the car). This will take calmness and a willingness to actually continue the relationship tho, it sounds liek you might be beyond that point having lost trust in her.

Personally I think having another adult in charge of a child for any length of time who isn't CRB checked and/or of whom the parent has not been notified in advance is a massive breach of trust - most of the time this would prob not turn out to be a real issue but the point is there are very strict rules around child safety which you need to trust your CM can stick to. I would certainly communicate this to her when you hand in notice as something you consider a serious failing.

The thing that would bug me most and made me call Ofsted is leaving your child with another adult without her supervision. CRB checked or not she has no right to leave your child with any adult unsupervised unless it's an emergency like for example she has to go to hospital etc. Shopping is not an emergency ... She had choice ... wait in the car until she wakes up, wake her up and take her with her, go shopping another time ... she did make the wrong choice and I'd make sure she knows it and never does it again.

DMO - you seriously charge £22 for 10 hours minding - £2.20 per hour? Are you a registered childminder?

Persoanlly i do not do my weekly/xmas shop when i am working. I do take children to the shops but not to do a biggie. Of course there is educational value in it and we often write a list and go. We are a homebased setting and in that sense we include children in doing homebased activities such as going to a supermarket or down town.

Regarding the driving in the snow - well some people are more confident that others aren't they. I hate driving in the bad weather and try to avoid doing so, my husband on the other hand drives about as if it isn;t there. Of course you'd be upset if anything happen to your children but you do need to get some perspective and also a handle on the concept of accident otherwise you are going to drive yourself into an early grave worrying and letting fear fester.
I will always look after my minded children to the best of my ability and would NEVER let any harm come to them if it can be avoided, I would probably put myself in harms way to protect them but if i thought a parent thought like you... well....

Regards the other adult - the minded children I care for come into contact with oother adults I know - crb checked or not all the time. As a good minder I ensure the childrens safety at all times and i explain the boundaries to the visitor/adult - to protect them. I don't always think to tell the parents of every adult i have contact with during my day.

I think you need to talk to your minder clear up some misundertandings and reset the expectations. if you can't do this then it sounds like you need to find different care that you can trust - because to me it sounds like you do not trust your existing care. you say about complaining to Ofsted - about what? That you object to her taking the children out in the car in this weather? Whilst i don't agree with the minder doing her BIGGIE shop during working hours (it could be that she has no other time to do though perhaps?) I do not believe that it merits a complaint.

As a minder of a long time..... minded children have come to the supermarket/library/dentist/hospital/town/meetings - work ones with me on many occasions and they have all been educational because i made them so. Its all stuff they would be doing with the parent iyswim

omg this is so wrong i would even take my own children food shopping any time of the year never mind at Christmas

£90 is a lot!! i charge £22 per child for those hours

If what you're paying in terms of keeping the space open while your DS/DD is at school/nursery; you'd have to pay very little extra for a nanny. Of course there may be other reasons why you'd rather have a cm, but it may be worth considering.

Nipping to the shop to buy lunch ingredients and let them choose a treat is a lovely shopping trip, one which I would include my childminder (if I had one) to make.

Driving a 34 mile round trip in bad weather conditions to do a last ditch shop 3 days before Christmas - I'd be very pissed off, because my children would get nothing but stress from the whole ordeal and it's not an adequate way to make someone who you are PAID to care for spend their time.

And actually, she's pulling in £9 an hour for the care of 2 children and she really should have sent her husband.

On a normal day (no icy roads) i wouldn't mind. I think a supermarket trip can be both fun and educational experience (but not if you leave the child in the car).
But i wouldn't like my dcs to be driven -without my agreement- on icy roads.

not a cm but the whole point of a mum using a cm is to have the day to day usual experiences, ie shopping

admitly can think of nothing worse than going food xmas shopping with 2 dc

she should have woken your dc up and taken her into the shop, tho agree if was her dh then he would have had a crb but is he insured to look after/care for your dc

4.50ph sounds normal, dont forget you have 2 dc so costs are double

a finishing time is there for a reason and dont see the problem in having coats/hats on and ready to go, esp if she had to be somewhere

but sounds to me, lot of niggles and you would be better off with a new cm