Am I being unreasonable with my childminder

I'm really keen to know what happened here? Hope it all worked out?!

I am a childminder and i think that you completely right in what you are saying about your childminder. It is appalling that she has decided to undertake a dangerous unnecessary journey with your children and then had the gaul to leave the child sleeping etc in the car with her husband for 2 hours whilst her life is made easier to do her shopping.

Whilst I regularly have nipped in to sainsburys to get a few things I would never do a full shop and by sticking to this we have had lots of fun making lists and finding things in the shop - even playing "memory games" to remember what we need.

As for having the children ready on the doorstep - I am enraged! Surely talking to people is better than playing silly mind games and making the children feel unwanted. Absolutley disgusted - you need to report and then find someone better. Please don't think that we are all like that - there are some good childminders around who would love to care for your children and woudl provide a lovely environment for them to enjoy - leaving you free to concentrate on work and stop worrying!

Stealth - defrosting the freezer wouldn't bother me either :) I would want them to have a life as close to their home life as possible, I would not want them to be entertained/played with/focussed on the entire time they are there. As long as there are toys for them to play with, they are safe & loved then I'd be happy.

Obviously I would want them to do the fun things I would do as well - so plenty of 'art', going to the park, baking, going out, toddler groups, friends over etc - I just wouldn't want it all so child centric. I don't think it does them any favours.

ooh yes that does ring a bell.
Really? I'd be a bit annoyed if they did a job like that when they were meant to be looking after my DCs - that's a bad example as it's an emergency so I wouldn't care then...OK, defrosted the freezer - that's a better example.

Stealth - yes, I'd be happy for a CM & her DH to put the kids in front of a DVD while they defrosted a frozen pipe. I'd be happy for them to have the DC play/dig/'help' in the garden while they did some gardening or to do other normal 'family' things.

I thought there was some mad rule that CM's had to let DC sleep even if the parents don't want them to?

Oh and if your CM wants you to pick up 10 mins early to make up for the 10 mins late then get there 10 mins early - put their coats on and hang round on the doorstep until actual finish time

Because it's not a reciprocal arrangement - she will get those 10 mins, your DCs didn't

I think a CM should provide a 'normal' environment up to a point - so shopping is fine, but the hell on earth that is Christmas shopping is a bit off (as is leaving your DD asleep for 2hrs+)
For example - DH and I put DS in front of a DVD if we need to do something round the house - e.g. the other day we needed to defrost a frozen pipe outside. Would you be happy for a CM to do this (ignore the 'emergency' nature - just the task itself)

I would sack the childminder - sounds like she's in for the money and not very child centred at all. Its not about the supermarket shop is it - its about her not putting her responsibility for your children first - in fact it sounds like they are getting in her way. I would also report her to OFSTED - just write them a letter with your concerns.
I would have been furious if my children had been waiting on the doorstep in their coats when I was late - imagine how it made your children feel - has mum forgotton us? We're not wanted here!

I sacked my childminder when my DS was 10 months old as she clearly did not offer him any stimulation at all and he was unhappy. He is now in a nursery and thriving in every way - such a difference within weeks of going to nursery - and they pick up from schools too.

And I pay £36 a day, all meals , breakfast, lunch and dinner included.
I'd consider a nursery or a childminder with a better reputation. (I didn't give the four weeks contracted notice to my childminder as I argued that I did not feel she could fulfill her side of the contractual agreement in safely looking after my DS - there were other more serious issues too)

Excusemoi - I would not want my nanny to be so completely child centric. I would not want every day to be one big play schedule. I would want it to involve shopping, trips to the post office & dentist, housework, cooking - not all aimed at entertaining the child and not all, as childminders have to, to have a 'value'. I would want 'real life'.
As close to a day with me as possible.

Learning to share with your peers is not the same thing.

Although you may not have to 'drum it into them' you can choose the type of childcare that suits you and for me that would not be a nursery or childminder, but a nanny who is like a 'mum at home'.

(I love many of our childminders on here, I hate the Ofsted rules & regulations.)

well maybe need is the wrong word and i ment demand. but for example if my daughter asked for juice i wouldnt jump straight up and give her it if i was busy i would say yes of course in a minute and then go and get the juice after finishing what i was doing.

if her every need was meet by a childminder/nanny when in their care then. i would have a hell of a time at the weekend

Which of her needs would you like the nanny/childminder not to meet?

Not doing everything that she wants is one thing, but to not meet the needs of a young child for fear they may think the world revolves around them goes against all my training.

FWIW you don't need to plan awful trips out or deliberately not meet a child's needs in order to teach them that it's not all about them. At a playgroup for example they will soon learn that there are other kids there who want to play with the toys, they may not be able to have the toy they want, someone else may have taken the last chocolate biscuit, someone may be in the loo when they need to go, tidy up time is tidy up time regardless of whether you're finished playing...they learn that the world doesn't revolve around them just by living...you don't need to make an extra-special effort to drum it into them!

i wouldnt want my daughter to think that the world revolves round her as it does not and never will. if her every need was meet by a childminder/nanny when in their care then. i would have a hell of a time at the weekend with tantrums ect as i do not jump to her every need and she is made to wait for things she wants/needs. so i would not be happy if everything a nanny/chidminder did was fitted round her she needs to learn that there are other people in the world and other things that need doing and that every thing isnt always about fun and games

chippingin as a nanny you are able, to a point, to dictate the exact nature of your job i.e. how much, if any, housework you do/ what hours you're prepared to work etc, as a result I have made it my job to provide a child-centered day. I have not said that every parent would want to employ me. If you are happy to employ a qualified and experienced nanny for 12-14 pounds an hour to drag your children round a supermarket (for their, not your, xmas shopping) then good luck to you.

May I ask, why you are so concerned about your children thinking the world revolves around them? Are you royalty? If not, I promise they'll learn soon enough that it doesn't!

I think one of the problems is that the majority of parents would have tried to do their big xmas food shop without their children. In the past I have gone very early in the morning or late at night so that dh was at home to look after the dc. The shops are open all the time so their should have been plenty of other times the cm could have gone while she wasn't working.

i think this is the straw that broke the camels op's back -she said there were other niggles

but i truly dont see the problem in taking children on a xmas/once off shop - if it hadnt have snowed twice then she prob wouldnt have even thought about going with dc during working hours

the snow has disrupted many peoples plans and a few of my pressies havnt arrived via online due to snow :( , tho hope postie will bring tomorrow/wednesday :) - so i can understand why the cm went rather than did online

yes its not my idea of fun taking 2 dc shopping at xmas in the snow, and yes the op said that her dc didnt like shopping - tough - sorry to be blunt, but children sometimes have to do things they dont want to do

and i keep saying the whole structure of a cm is that they do day to day things - home away from home

ExcuseMoi - you are saying that you do what every parent wants ... I'm a nanny and don't behave as a mum would. I provide a child-centered day, which is surely my job!

That, as a parent, would not be what I would want if I had a nanny. I would not want my nanny providing 'a child-centered day' I would want her providing a day as close to my own as possible - so no, it is not surely my (your) job - it may suit some parents, but certainly not all parents.

I am a nanny,hi Blondes I do think that the OP has a point with this one,She is not paying the CM to take her children for a two hour drive to get the CMs own shopping I think that as someone else has said why couldnt the CM go in the evening or even on line.I have not taken the children I look after out due to conditions.This caused us to miss your party Blondes, but I think to drag children out for two hours in a car is a bit much just to get the CMs shop.I do agree though that taking children we care for out to the shops,post office,libraryand occasionally out to eat is a large part of their socialisation. I know that the children you and I care for would behave very well when out and about because they have experienced many different situations and have been shown what type of behaviour we expect from them,Like you I am able to take the children wherever I want to but these are places that the children would find enjoyable.I understand that things are different for a CM but when it comes to the important thing s we are there to keep the children safe and happy.Sorry for waffling.

Totally agree mrs t

Same goes for learning to behave and eat nicely in resturants /out in public

Some children have dreadful manners but they learn from the adults around them

i think children should get use to shopping as it is a part of life and if going shopping with your childminder gets your child use to shopping it can only benefit you. every saturday i use to get up early and get my baby daughter ready and head to the shops she was great, loved watching everyone, didnt try and grab everything she seen. now she is 4 and is still good at going to the shops. on the other hand my friend avoided ever taking her chidren to shops so on the rare occasion she did her daughter screamed and got fed up in the pram and kept trying to climb out, her son would run around the shop and not listen. i believe thats because she never took them there from an early age to get them use to it.

I wouldn't take my mindees on a proper shop, I don't care how 'educational' it could be, what it would actually be is a complete nightmare. I do all my shopping on-line, or DP does it. I have taken older mindees for an occasional 'supplies' shop where I've written a list and they've had to practice their reading skills, but that was only for a max of 5 items, an Xmas shop is completely out of the question.

I take mindees to all sorts of places, parents signed a permission form when they signed the contract. The form doesn't mention an specific places but gives me permission to take their child to places that I think are suitable for their age. I would not take on a child if parent wasn't 100% happy to let me make my own decisions as to where to take the children.

BALD - I'm very interested in this 'helicopter care', what is that exactly, do you do helicopter MOT's and services on the side or something?!

In this day and age there is NO need EVER to take minded children for full shops in supermarkets.
They can do it after hours or order on-line.

Anyway, it's a nightmare taking your own kids shopping let alone someone elses!

Merry Xmas!

no,my mb wants and is happy for me to do the usual everyday things she would be doing - so in this instance she wouldnt have a problem in me taking the kids food shopping

so no to sunbeds and nails but yes to hairdressers as they would have their cut at the same time iyswim tho again i have a hairdresser who comes to my house in the evening

tbh i rarely do any of that stuff as i work part time, and can do that on my days off but my mb trusts me enough that if i needed to do something then i could and she wouldnt mind

chippingin I am not making the assumption that what I do is what every parent wants.

I am making the assupmtion that running a professional childcare business shouldn't include going (against the parents wishes) to a supermarket in bad road conditions, dragging a 5yr old round on a 'big shop' and leaving another mindee (age 3) in the car.

Let's not confuse an xmas food shop with going to the vets/post office/dentist etc. Of course one of the benefits of a nanny/childminder is children having access to all these activities that they wouldn't in a nursery, but these trips have some value to the child as well as being necessary. I can't see that this shop did.

blonds does your mb want you to carry on as normal and just drag her kids along? Post office/dentist etc is fine as you say, but if you went clothes shopping for you and then to the hairdresser, maybe for a sunbed and got your nails done and then a coffee with a childless friend, would she not mind? And would you honestly feel like that was a good days work?

I object to anyone suggesting a childminder shouldn't be doing domestic tasks while they are looking after children. Childminders are providing a home from home environment for children, and it is good for children to be involved in everyday domestic chores as well as child-centred activities.
However, I don't drag children round supermarkets as they are incredibly boring. And I think she made a bad judgment about driving your kids in the ice. I would be really angry and upset too if I was in your position.
It sounds like she was in a bit of a panic with her Christmas preparations, due to the weather, and made a really bad decision. Nothing else she did was unacceptable, although maybe annoying for you. I think you should tell her you're not happy, explain why, and give her a chance to apologise.
HOw outrageous to suggest reporting her to Ofsted. Of course you need to discuss this with her and give her a chance to explain and apologise first. You have a contract with her, and calling Ofsted is a last resort if she is not responding adequately to your complaint. Imagine how upset you would feel if she decided to call social services cos your child had a bruise, without discussing her concerns with you first.

Paying while your child is at nursery and asking a late parent to come a bit early are perfectly normal things for a good childminder to do.
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