Never had an au pair before - any hints/tips/I wish I'd done thats?

Make sure you find a girl who will like being in your house. ie- if you are a musical family or like football or needlework or go yomping every weekend, it will be a lot easier if you find a girl who also is, or at least appreciates these things or wants to do them.

Always remember that she is here on an exchange- she is not a domestic slave, but is here primarily to learn and improve her English. Helping you is her pay of paying her way. The pocket money is to make her experience of being abroad more enjoyable and enable her to feel independent. It is not really pay. The "pay" is the experience of living in a foreign family for a year or so and learning a new language.

Find out in advance from her what she likes doing in her free time, and what classes there are around that she may be interested in.

Locate your nearest and most appropriate ESOL classes and insist that she goes. I pay for my au pairs' English classes as I very strongly feel that ensuring that they learn English is very much part of my half of the exchange. You will probably, depending on her level of English and boldness, need to do all the initial step of registering her. Show her how to get there and take her there at least the first time and possibly a few more times.

Set aside at least a week or ten days to settle her in and mentor her when she arrives, and make sure she knows how you like things done. If you don't actively explain things, it will take a lot longer for her to learn them. Don't get cross with her if she does something that annoys you that you haven't explained to her. Make sure she fully understands what you want her to do!

Don't make unreasonable demands on her. She is not a domestic slave, but an enthusiastic and helpful visitor. Always remember that you are as much an ambassador for your country to her as she is for hers to you.

Make sure she is warm and comfortable especially at the beginning when she is possibly very homesick. I bought my latest au pair a warm dressing gown and slippers (just from Primarni, not expensive) and she wears them a lot and was very grateful for them as they don't really have them in Spain.

I have only ever had lovely au pairs, but I must say that the first couple of weeks are always trying. Even if you speak a little of the au pair's language, she will feel disoriented, possibly homesick and will need a lot of kindness at first and will probably be a lot more subdued than her true personality. Once she starts to get her bearings and understand more of what is going on, her true personality will start to appear. Good luck in your search!

It takes time.

Time to recruit (as above).

Time in the first week/fortnight to settle them into the family routine. I take time every evening until they are settled to review the day, what went well, what needs to be improved and also to go throught the next days routine.

Slight hi-jack, trying to recruit at the moment and the quality of available au pairs seems down on previous years. Anybody else having the same problem?

Leave yourself plenty of time to recruit. Be up front about what you are looking for and make sure it matches what the AP wants - you need to be honest about what the job entails and your ability to do things like sightsee etc with her. Accurate about area you live in etc. If one person doesnt' like the sound of what you're offering, someone else likely will. Easiest in my experience to recruit for the school year, i.e. August to July. Agree about the English language expertise, unless the AP has a language you want your DCs to speak. But sometimes they aren't very enthusiastic about this. Our friends had a French AP and their child spoke less French at the end of the year than she did at the start. Have a contract and house rules and let them review this before they commit to coming to you. The other thing we did this year is have a party at the start of the year with other AP families so they could get to know each other. It's handy to know these families as you have a built in network for the next AP, at least for the first few weeks. Find out where the language schools are and how to get there...any other info on the local area is also great.

Remember however bright they are (and the German girls we have had are very bright indeed) they do need lots of guidance and time spent training them up.

Beryl, most aupairs just have a room in the house, though I am sure they won't complain about a granny flat or even an ensuite bathroom.

If a prospective aupair asks too many questions about their living arrangements, I find that a bit offputting since it could indicate a fussy personality.

If you live in London, Brighton or a big city, you will be able to attract aupairs much easier than if you live in the sticks.

I personally would not go for someone with very poor English. I know a lot of aupairs are here to learn English, but if you are a WOHM, don't waste time with someone with no language skills. Aupairs from Germany and Scandinavia generally have better English. You can tell from their emails. Definitely speak to them at least once on the phone/skype.

I don't bother with aupairs outside the EU. Visa issues overcomplicate things.

Ask for references and call them up. Best is previous aupair employer, otherwise a family for whom they have babysat. Anyone related to them or family friend is not counted.

Sorry, slight hi-jack. For those who have had au pairs, what sort of accommodation did you have? Was it a bedroom in the house, granny flat, attic conversion?

Make all your expectations very clear right from the off.
eg,
no showering at midnight
if you finish the milk, get some more in
no boyfriends sleeping over
babysitting every other saturday
etc.
just a few examples - decide what's important to you. Including what she's responsible for and what she isn't.
If you get it all clear right at the start, then it's much easier and avoids confrontation later on when she's settled down into habits you don't like. Write or type all your instructions down for her.

Oh and plan to start buying long-life juice and hiding the nice freshly squeezed stuff.

You can keep them happy by giving them the use of a car, paying for gym membership and language courses if necessary.

If you have a boy to look after then a male au pair is great in that they are more willing to play boystuff with them.

I have had four au pairs over a seven year period and they all found an au pair community in our town to support each other. Lap tops and phone deals allow them to keep in contact and feel less homesick and be prepared for them to want a longish break at Christmas.