Never had an au pair before - any hints/tips/I wish I'd done thats?

Yes dcs can tidy up after themselves, but mine require being told!

My aps were the following:

21, great - enough to be forgiven for crashing the car twice.

21, daft, completely lazy, clearly daddy's little princess, hadn't the faintest clue that she was supposed to be doing a job. The kids liked her but I found her terrible. Sacked eventually for hiding girlfriend/lover at our house. Said girl was awful and had been banned when she had been sacked as ap from another family for inappropriate nudity and touching their 5yo dd . I was unimpressed to find said girl had spent the night, and really unimpressed when I found she'd spent the night again and was hiding in the wardrobe.

24, completely weird and spooky, didn't last at all

20, marvellous with kids, v.good at creative things, slightly mad, apparently heavy user of medication, possibly depressed/bipolar, dreadfully messy, does weird things.

They all had references and I checked all of them.

DCs from the age fo 2 - 12 are capable of putting most if their clothes into the basket; it is a skill that seems to be lost at 13. Girls regain it about 21/22, us blokes never do.

Good point DIOM. In the handbook put what you expect in terms of behaviour, chores, etc from the children!

DCs from about the age of 2 are capable of putting most if their clothes into the basket

I amke it very clear the AP is NOT responsible for picking the DCs clothes up, the DCs are.

How old were these 4 au pairs Romanarama?

Roman
I'm curious - do you work outside the home? Just wondering if it's easier for them to fall into this pattern if the 'host parents' are around a lot. Whereas if it's clear they're 'in charge' for part of the time they're more likely to step up to the plate so to speak.

We have had 4 au pairs, and have always gone into vast amounts of written detail about responsibilities etc and agreed all these things. Notwithstanding, 3 of them have acted as though they were house guests, and not very good ones at that. Generally needing reminding ad nauseam about things they were supposed to be doing that had been agreed (not big things - I'm talking at the level of putting children's clothes in the laundry basket rather than leaving them strewn all over the floor, etc). They have all been OK with the kids, but horrible to live with for me, just generally messy and selfish - like having an older teenage child who babysits, but who makes a giant mess everywhere, finishes all the yoghurt and doesn't go and get anymore, appears incapable of understanding that tidying the kitchen after a meal involves a little bit more than putting the plates in the diswasher. So my point is that you should make sure you are psychologically prepared for having someone else's young and irresponsible person in your house!

As you were. Sorry for moan. Have had a particularly trying time with most recent ap and am not planning to get another one.

For all intents and purposes an au pair is an employee and as such legally entitled to a contract (or principal statement) that contains certain terms.

See hear for the minimum it should contain.

The concept of the "cultural exchange" is rather outdated and has no legal basis.

Well the distinction between worker and employee is very fine....so to all intents and purposes the contract should treat them as an employee.

Plus a contractual obligation fir you to provide all meals protects the au pair in the long run and prevents the nasty kind of family who don't feed their AP at weekends.

Of course when someone us living in all their meals should be provided, snacks in accordance with the rules if the family about eating outside mealtimes (otherwise I think it sets a bad example to children) etc but that contract as I said was designed for nannies, who can be live out and where meals are specified. But equally some families have it written down that the au paid eats with the children in the evening as a matter of course where family meals aren't practical, otherwise they wouldn't eat! Or it could be a microwaved dinner in front of the TV at 9pm when AP has cooked something earlier for the DCs that she could have had. It does depends from situation to situation how business or not the arrangement is, and that needs to be made very clear from the start of the recruitment process. Like I said - there's no point pretending to be something you aren't. If your family doesn't habitually eat together on weeknights don't give the au pair expectations of family meals, if you spend your weekends taking your DS to football competitions and your DH works weekends instead of long countryside walks and visits the stately homes then that needs to be made clear too.

It is important to remember that an au pair is not an employee though. Having a contract such as this nanny example where things like what meals are to be provided give rises to the whole spirit of the thing being done contractually (which is not necessary) and not under the true spirit of providing a cultural exchange for someone. Of course it is good practice to write down all important key points of any arrangement but if you over-specify you are treating it very differently.

thanks frakkinup - that looks comprehensive!!

As far as I know there isn't an au pair contract, kitkat but if you look on here the first contract (ANA/Voice) although designed for nannies give you a good idea. As you already seem to have had nannies I suggest you take roughly the same approach. It's better to over-specify and relax than not write enough and as far as employment tribunals are concerned au pairs and nannies are practically the same, unless you have multiple members of staff where the worker/employee distinction may be important but most people aren't in that happy position!

Make you sure state the contract is £x/week BEFORE deducations. Even if you are under the threshold you still want that to be the case because if they find a second job and you need to start recording things it makes things easier.

In the note it talks about 20 days plus bank holidays, as has been discussed above that's effectively 28 days but next year will be 29 because of the Royal Wedding.

Other than that it seems to cover all the basics and it's fairly clear where you can add your own bits in.

The second contract just ignore!

No need to apologise DIOM - you are right in that many/most? people whose contracts state 20 days plus bank holidays will get 29 days next year.

I apologise, Treeesa is correct on this one - will remain at 28 days despite extra bank holidays in 2011 and 2012 (for Queen's diamond jubilee).

5.6 weeks meet the working time directive. This isn't going to be changed to show 5.8 weeks and people who have contracts with their employers saying 5.6 weeks inclusive of bank holidays will be hoping for some generosity from their boss but.. In these times, the cost of providing an extra day's holiday is phenomenal - in many cases the same level of staffing is needed and bringing in extra agency staff to cover will cost an arm and a leg.

For those on short term contracts my understanding of current legislation is that the minimum is 20 days pro-rated (and rounded up)plus a day for each bank holiday that would fall during the contract period.

DIOM - There are many families who work in public services who sometimes require an au pair to cover public holidays because the family work themselves.

The point you raised about an extra day holiday may not necessarily apply in all situations. It depends what agreements have been agreed and are in place. It would usually be appropriate of course to add an extra day to someone's holiday to take later on in the year but for many people (not talking au pairs here) they simply won't get it and there is not a lot you can do if their contract doesn't stipulate it.

Tax threshold is £97 pw, at this point you have to register with HMRC as an employer with an employee and make returns though you don't have to make deductions and pay money over until £110 pw.

And everybody please note that for 2011 contract it will be 29 days paid holiday (5.8 weeks) due to the extra royal wedding bank holiday. Hopefully normal service will be resumed during 2012, unless they throw in Olympic Bank Holidays!

frakkinup (or anyone else) - can you recommend a good contract template.

Have learnt he hard way with nannies how important it is to have a really clear contract.

thanks
k.

Contract covers basic employment legislation (and I'd disagree on the pocket money/pay point - it is pay, if you go over the tax threshold you need to deduct tax and NI and if they do extra hours they get paid).

Things like:
How much they're paid, when and how
5.6 weeks paid holiday, including Bank Hols.
A probationary and notice period
Defined hours and duties
A disciplinary procedure and grounds for instant dismissal e.g. child abuse/drinking on the job
Sick pay

More advice here

House rules cover things which are particular to your house - friends, use of phone, showers at midnight etc. Try to imagine your DCs as teens and what you expect, then imagine what you'd expect from someone doing a job (no drinking heavily when you have to be up and chirpy at 7). The clearer your expectations are of behaviour the better you can articulate them. In general think of what you'd expect of your own teens as a minimum and a live in nanny as a maximum.

I'd also them suggest a handbook with information about the daily jobs, routines, children's likes/dislikes/schedules/needs, info on the local area, useful numbers, 'how-to' guides for household appliances, a couple if easy recipes....anything you're going to tell them, write it down and put it in a binder so they can refer back. Even au pairs with fab English will find it easier to have something written and au pairs who don't can look things up in their dictionary later. Plus there's a lot of info to pass on and you don't want anything getting lost.

Recruitment wise write your job and person spec first. Be ruthless for a while and if you're not getting candidates revisit your specs. Don't fall into the trap of trying to accommodate almost-there candidates if you don't have to as you're just creating work fir yourself.

Good luck! When it works it works really well but the key is matching up expectations... Don't try to be something you're not and don't pretend the job is something it isn't.

In the same boat here, thinking of using an Au pair after xmas and looking for pros and cons. I am in Enfield so if anyone in the area has used an au pair etc or is interested in an au pair network then please let me know. I'm open to all suggestions.

TCG