I just dont know what to do? ...... bit long sorry

I always appreciate it if parents let you know that they won't be asking you to be their childminder, because at least then I know (even if I'm disappointed!)

I guess I'd like to know the reason why (but only if it's something inane - like the colour of my front door or my addiction to chocolate!!)

Absolutely - I gave you that advise further down

OFSTED will only investigate if a number of compliants come in, so it might be worth - if you want to ringing anonymusly - but only if you feel strongly enough. They may make a visit?

I think what you did is fine (& safe - iyswim)

I think you accept it as part of the job - I definatly prefer people to say No thanks rather than just not getting any comeback.

I do feel a bit peeved - but DH says if we weren't the right C/Mers for them - they probably weren't the right parents for us (iyswim)

Kind of if our beliefs and feelings and attitudes aren't the same (or similar) then it won't work.......

Glad you're happy with your new minder

Glad you have made a decision and are happy with it I'd fib too...it's not lying exactly

Mosschops, I think RTK is right, and I know honesty is the best policy, but in your circumstances I would probably come up with another reason why you are not going ahead. If you're anything like me, and dislike situations like this, if you do say it's because of the issue of her child picking up your ds, then she might try to talk you round and you really don't seem to me to be nearly as happy with her as with the other cm you have found that lives a bit further away. If you haven't signed anything contract wise then you are under no obligation - she might be a bit miffed but that's the nature of the job. In my very limited experience as a cm both parents and cm have to be completely comfortable with every aspect or the relationship will not work.
HTH

IMHO I would go with the one you saw today

I would be honest with the other one and say it was because of her 3 year old picking up your baby

Otherwise she won't think there is anything wrong with it and won't learn iyswim

I am really very much in favour of honesty, but that is just me

Mosschops, this other cm who lives further away sounds like she could be ideal for you. I would just say though that just because the other one you saw only had her own 2, I don't necessarily think she wouldn't be as nice to your ds, especially as there is a fair bit of age difference. Also, I suspect that quite of lot of childminders only look into doing childminding so that they can be at home with their own, I suppose it was honest of her to say that, but not perhaps the thing to say to "sell herself". I must admit when my mindee's mother first came to see me and asked why I had decided on doing childminding, I didn't give her any bullshit, I said that I gave up my job because it wasn't financially viable for me to work and pay for childcare for my 2 so I looked into a job which I could do from home, I like children anyway, think most children take to me etc, so I am giving it a go. Good job I'm not in sales!
Anyway, this other cm does sound good, so I really hope it works out for you.

Talking directly to your ds is a very good sign IMO. I think it's one of the big ways you can tell it's someone who is good with children and likes their company. this childminder sounds better to me from what you say.

Hi Mosschops, this is a difficult one for you & I do sympathise. I'm a childminder, only 2 months experience, but agree with everyone else that to leave an 8 month old with a 2 and 3 year old is not a good plan. I would say, stick with your gut reaction, if it doesn't feel right, then don't go for it as I don't think you would ever really feel happy or relaxed. Surely better to find a childminder that you are happy with but that lives a bit further away, than be constantly worried and unhappy about your ds.
Good luck with whatever you decide, I hope it works out for you.

I am a childminder and my DS is 10 years and I have been minding since he was about 2.5

I have never let him pick up any child that I was minding

Ok if it was in the family but deffo not mindees

I am that she let a 3 year old do that

I hope you find someone else soon

hi Mosschops

well if you don't have many options I think it's worth talking to her. I had a childminder who was very nice and caring but used to leave my dd1 sleeping in a buggy outside her front door. I wasn't happy with this but talked to her - told her I knew I was being a bit paranoid - and she agreed not to do it again. and she didn't. In one way it's good that the childminder is not hiding how she treats the children from you. so if you say, that while your ds is so little you are really not comfortable with him being left in a room with toddlers, she might be prepared to take notice.

and i suppose too, thinking about it, my dd3 does get heaved around quite a lot by her big sisters and it doesn't actually harm her. or hasn't yet. I guess they do survive the rough and tumble.

am not saying it's ideal but maybe it is worth trying a bit longer with this childminder if there's no obvious alternative.

You have my sympathies, I hope you get sorted soon

Where are you Mosschops, can we find you anyone?

Don't know what to say but I do feel for you!

I'm afraid that I also don't like the lack of supervision - you'd think that she would be more conscientious about it whilst you're there! What would have happened if you hadn't checked on your baby?

If you are having reservations now, it is not suddenly going to get better. I don't understand why on earth she would suggest you leave your baby in another room??

I don't charge for school holidays if parents want term-time only, but not all minders will do this.

Mosschops don't do it. How could you relax; if she's that blase about her kids alone with your baby while you're there, it's not going to be any better once you're gone.