Would you consider a male nanny?

I have to say that I agree with NotSoUseless about this. What on earth is the problem with a man? Sure, there are things sexually a man can do that a woman can't (although that doesn't mean female paedophilia is impossible), but we're all big and strong enough to hurt/damage young children. I looked enthusiastically for a male nanny for my kids last time I was looking, and couldn't find one. Now I know why they don't apply!

Childcare and primary schooling is completely female dominated and I think it does kids a lot of good to have the odd man around. Earlybird, I think a male nanny would be great for you as a single mum - I always think the value of a nanny is to provide a different viewpoint and a different set of skills from the parents, and it would be great for your dd to see a male viewpoint in her day to day care as well as the loving women she has around her. I can't believe that other kids wouldn't come round for play dates and do you want your kid mixing with the children of the 'all men are rapists' crowd anyway?

I did not read the all thread but I am quite surprised I must admit by the replies. actually I am quite shocked about it.

I'd thought when you choose for suitable childcare you'd judge the person not the social,racial,national,gender group that person belongs to.

TBH this is discrimination bug time and I do not understand why is it not okay to say all these things that have been said below against someone say from a different country or race but it's perfectly fine to say it about men. would you have a thread that says "would you be okay with hiring a polish/italian/black/asian nanny????"

How can we then complain that men are not caring enough with their own children or do not help out in the house!!!

oh FFS I am so so so very now it's not good for me.

I haven't read the whole thread (although I've skimmed it so know it's got a bit heated).

I would absolutely consider a male nanny (I have a DS, but I would for a DD as well), and even more so if I were a lone parent.

definitely!! DD's childmider ia a man and she loves him and he's great.

Haven't read the whole thread but DS goes to creche one day a week and one of his nursery workers is male. I think it's great and since the male worker started DS seems to have really started to enjoy going. He used to cry when i left him (albeit only for a short time) and now he cries when i try to take him home! We used to have a male babysitter when we were kids and he was also great.

Most people act under the press related image of male child care professionals, This is predominantly an image of an abuseive character. Would people think twice now about seeing a male nurse? The abuse image is also tainted. For a start as with all abuse it is not a male dominated area. Yes Most sexual abuse is commited by males but not all. Emotional abuse is mainly female dominated, physical abuse is 50-50. However recent cases of abuse have been cases where female staff have allowed their non childcare boyfriends abuse children. Male professionals are fully checked out and you will be able to collect references for them. Equally as this is an issue always at the surface when male carers are concerned you will find that men have had to work harder to succeed as so many automatically discount them as if they were abusers.

Hello there.

I happen to be one of the dreaded male nannies you speak of. I find it very disapointing that most of you share the same point of veiw. That is, "That all males are potential abusers." Bollucks. It is to be expected though. I have been caring for children for over 3 years now. During that time I have cared for children ranging in age from birth to 16. I am a great person. I have even been a summer camp counselor. Sure, I agree that you should take all necessary precautions before letting a man take care of your children, but that does not mean to automatically think of him as a child pervert or any such thing. Its sickens me really. In todays world. That if a man shows effection for a child he is either gay or a pervert. Thats the mindset of most woman, and men for that matter. Something needs to change. I guess thats all I say for now.

Another thing TTT, are you disagreeing with the assertion that women are more likely to be the main carers of children? If so can you tell me why you disagree with it or am I misconstruing the meaning of "ahem"?

This is a bit late on the scene but have got to reply to TTT's reply to mine.

As I said in my post (and I did do it 3 times for good measure ) I hadn't got time to read the link (all 20 dense typeset pages of it). I was hoping that as TTT knows so much about it he could quickly point me to the relevent paragraph.

Seems not ....

Well, I am slightly changing my view on this. I would be less worried if all child carers were female. Why is this? I have questioned myself over the last couple of days and wondered. Is it because, we as, mums, feel that women take care of children better than men. I certainly feel when I phone my DH on a saturday (whilst at work) at about midday, to find out what my ds has eaten. DH says toast and he didn't want any mmore. I say 'can you cook.......' and DS eats it.

Also my Childminders DH dressed up as Sylvester the cat today for a party and my DS went mental. I was not expecting this re-action. The other children were ok, but my son went absolutely mad, even when he knew it was his childminders DH.

Maybe males are not as good carers as women. I have found that most kids go to mum when upset and dad when having fun. Maybe I am wrong.

Entirely .

Madmarchhare, I know that the safety of your child is the reason for the gut reaction and that does make it different from a male having a gut reaction to hiring a female.

But my point was that having a negative gut reaction about hiring a male nanny that you DON'T then rationilise is, frankly, somewhat ignorant and backward-thinking. Because you are implying by that thought process that all male child carers are potential abusers and must be considered more warily than female carers. Are you therefore going to ensure your child goes to a nursery where there is no male staff, or a school where there are no male teachers?

ANY child carer regardless of sex needs to be assessed for possible risk.

In Earlybird's case I would have thought given that she is looking for a nanny through an agency and a friend recommended the male nanny, the recommendation from someone you know would be a plus, regardless of the nanny's sex. I understand why Earlybird had concerns - it is natural - but I hope that certain people here haven't put her off pursuing that avenue.

Yes absolutely, either could be a risk, but I am talking about the initial reaction. It is unfortunate that this is how we are, generally, but that just the way it is.

But Madmarchhare- surely all nannies are a potential security risk initially whether they are male OR female!

But - you meet with them, do your checks, and then count them or discount them (well that's what I'd do if hiring one anyway). To make this assumption beforehand is unfair to the applicant - even moreso if it's based on just gender!

Just thought about how that might sound. What I mean is that if a silly big guffawing white sexist/racist bloke (like the one I used to work with) said he wasnt hiring a woman or black person (for whatever reason), that would be different as there is no safety issue IYSWIM.

I would say it is different to a gut reaction on hiring a woman/different race/whatever if the safety of your child is involved.

Yes, I'd have a male nanny, but only if he was good looking

Seriously, I haven't read this thread all the way through, so I apologise if I repeat anything said before. I trained as an infant school teacher, and one of my collegues was the only male teacher in the school. Because he taught a year 1 class people sometimes made the assumption that he was either gay or a paedophile. He used to feel that parents were watching him and he had t be really careful around the children, whiach I always found terribly sad.

I would have a male nanny if a. I could affordf one and b if I felt DS was comfortable with him and that they had a good rapport. Th fact that the nanny in question in the first post was with his previous family for a while would make me think he was a fairly safe bet. I would be much happier with his experience than some dappy girl just out of school or whatever.

Women can be equally as cruel and perverted as men.

Can I just point out that a police check (on anyone, male or female) will only reveal if someone has a previous conviction. It will not indicate whether or not allegations have been made against someone or if concerns have been expressed about someone's behaviour. By all means, do the check, but also investigate references etc.

Have never needed a nanny, so I can't offer an opinion on selecting one. I don't think I would dismiss a candidate out of hand simply because he happened to be male. I often say that if my husband ever lost his job, we'd open up a nursery because he is one of the best people I know with children!! One of the most highly respected teachers at my daughter's pre-school is male. Was very disappointed that she wasn't in his class.

Madmarchhare wrote:
"Still slightly rattled by the fact that some people think that just because our gut reaction says 'Ooo I'll have to think about this' is sexist or bias."

Having a gut reaction to an idea or scenario is of itself not sexist. It's what you do with the gut reaction that counts. Yes, most people did go on to think about that gut reaction and question it, and when they did so they decided they would consider a male nanny because it came down to the invidual. However, some people in this discussion - and it is only a few - have written that they wouldn't consider hiring a male nanny (regardless therefore of the type of person he was) and that they "couldn't help" their gut reaction. Unless that reaction is based on personal bad experience with a male carer, then that is sexist. You CAN 'help' your gut reaction. If you don't challenge your own or other people's then you are liable to be bigoted.

I'm sure there are men who have thought "ooh no, I couldn't hire a woman (or someone of colour)" (regardless of how qualified and suitable a particular woman was) and who would argue that becase that was their 'gut reaction', because they felt uncomfortable with the idea, it was an acceptable point of view. It isn't.

OK, I know some of you argue that you are justified in not considering a male nanny because of the potential risk of sexual abuse, and obviously the safety and welfare of your child always has to be a concern. BUT, there is no evidence to suggest that male childminders are more likely than other groups of people to abuse a child. There IS evidence that the abuser is often known to a child, but that evidence shows the abuser is often a family member or a close family friend, that this is just as (if not more) likely a scenario than the abuser being a nanny or teacher or other person close to the child but not a family member. As I said before, what are you going to do then, stop your child from having contact with all men?

And isn't it against all that women have worked for in terms of equality and getting men to do their fair share in the house if we become suspicious of all men who want to work with children? How about if you are single and get a new partner - are you going to be suspicious of him simply because it has been known for paedophiles to become close to single women with daughters? Surely in that situation you would judge someone as you find them - and not simply dismiss them for being a man who likes children - and make sure your child feels comfortable with the person. Shouldn't you therefore treat a male nanny the same? There is someone on this board who said they would consider a male nanny despite having been abused by there father. I had a physically abusive mother, but that doesn't mean I don't trust my mother-in-law with my baby (although I don't trust my mother with her!)

Most of us on here have said how fantastic men close to us are with our children. Earlybird's daughter does not have a father around or surrogate father figure. It is hard when discussing this not to make generalisations, but I think if anything men can be sillier with chidren when playing with them. And I like that they can offer a different view on things. Also, given that women who have broken the glass ceiling have often had to work harder than their male peers in order to get to the same place, the same may be true of the male nanny. He is going to be aware that people might be suspicious of him or see him as not a 'natural' fit for nannying, and he might work really hard to dispel those assumptions.

One more thing on gut reactions; having a gut reaction to an idea in principle should not be confused with having a gut reaction to an individual. It might be that you meet a male nanny and come away feeling uncomfortable about hiring him. Go with that feeling. But you are not justified in feeling uncomfortable without even meeting someone OR being able to rationalise those feelings.

I have biases too, hey nobody's perfect but at the same time like you said Tom capability should be the reason not gender. I'm not perfect I have pre-concieved ideas about stuff like everyone else, I just feel really strongly about equality in all areas of life Golden - whether it be male/female, gay/straight/bi/whatever!, black/white, religious....

And no, I'm not in the habit of beating people with a length of pipe Tom. Well at least not since Matthew was born have to be responsible mummy and role model now!!!

goldenoldie, in what way exactly is Dublin stopping you from having your opinion? Is she, IRL, threatening to beat you with a length of pipe? She doesn't agree with you, but that doesn't mean she's keeping you from self-expression in some arcane, how-dare-you-disagree-with-me-my-plot-is-foiled! fashion.

madmarchhare - I guess it's the same to me as if an employer said to themselves "Ooh, hire a black person? I'll have to think about this..." because gender, race, religion, and creed shouldn't come into it - capability should, and how you feel about the person as an individual.

It's bias, in the sense that you're halted or considering an aspect of an individual that, ultimately doesn't really have anything to do with their ability to do a job well. I don't think you're evil or anything, by the way. Like I said, I have biases like everyone else.

Thanks on behalf of every male in childcare to those who recognize the difficulties inherent in the job.

Obviously everyone is entitled to their own opinion re the gender issues of childcarers.

Myself I would consider either, to me it would come down to relevent experience, child care related qualifications, personality & of course references, CRB checks etc.

I think it is more of the general public where we need to have more awareness. In the saftey issues for children we/parents/carers need to install age appropriate that the "not nice People" out there will come across as nice people etc eg. when I use to be a special constable and needed to attend an incident with a colleage & two 7yr olds .... I will always remember "but mummy they didn't have two heads they didn't look like a monster"... it is amazing how children think what these people may look like?

Also thinkig back because of again worries that certain public members have .... when to intrevene "the Bulger child" aftermath most males were to frightened/worried to step in etc "for the worry of being accused !!!"

Obviously There Will be some people who will never consider a male "whatever" due to very Personal life experiences & possibily nothing will change their thoughts there.

I have personally known many a childcare professional be them Male or Female and they are all excellent, professional & following their vocation.... Respected via their employers, adored by the children & their friends who come to play etc ... all the household running very smoothly Monday to Friday.

Just may be if there were more Male Qualified Nannies since this is really the topic of the thread, just may be the would be less disgrunted mumsnetters (as it seems to appear)on this board who just happen to be moaning (rightly or wrongly) about their child care & childcarers who alway's seem to be Female.

Give me the perfect professional childcarer any day regardless of gender.

Still slightly rattled by the fact that some people think that just because our gut reaction says 'Ooo I'll have to think about this' is sexist or bias.

I think that most people have gone on to say that they would absolutely consider it. Out of all the posters by far it seems the majority would employ a male nanny.

That said TTT I do understand your frustrations as this must be something you come across more often in your day to day life than us cackly old gossipy hags on here do .

Dublin - don't think you understand the meaning of the word. Respect means allowing others to have a choice/view/opinion, even if YOU don't agree with their choice.

I respect your decision if it's based on whether the person is right for looking after your family, has adequate qualifications and fits your family's personality. But if you're basing it mainly on the grounds of "male nanny no" "female nanny yes" then you're right I don't respect your decision. As a fair-minded person I just can't and I'm sorry if that offends you. But, think of all the male nannies you're offending with your view....