CM club: Awful confessions... and advice needed

NB I am not diagnosing Plagiocephaly, just pointing out that such a thing exists

There are two seperate difficulties here.

Firstly, you don't like the child.
Secondly, the child is disruptive to your life and that of the other mindees.

The first point doesn.t really matter. You don't have to like her. You are professional enough to treat her the same as the other mindees, and just like a teacher who has a child they dislike in their class, they need to get on with it, and not let their feelings show. And in time you may grow much fonder of her.

But the second point is more serious. This child is making your working day much harder, and impacting badly on the other children you are obliged to give good care to. How realistic is it that things will improve soon? I know if you liked the child more it would be easier to put up with the difficulties, but that doesn't mean it'd be right. For that reason I would terminate the contract. But not because I didn't like the child.

do you think it's the flat head that is bothering you - as her hair grows it will cover it; there is a condition Plagiocephaly that you might want to research and flag up to the parents; there are steps that the parents/carers casn take to reduce the appearance

(bit off-topic, this, sorry)

Is she small enough and not too mobile to still sit in a baby swing as that was my god send with ds2 as where a bouncy chair is wide and still a swing feels closed in and the movement helps.

If she is used to being held you are either going to have to decide with mum she is put down for increasing periods of time within sight but left to cry and you will have to do this both in your house and her own.

I have a mindee 13 months who has just had to adapt and it was 4 weeks of sheer hell but so worth it. I also had to give notice to a child last year as we bonded when she was a baby but the older she got the harder she got as she was very small for her age mum and dad carried her everywhere at 2 years old and treated her like her size of a 6 month old. I persevered for 18 months feeling like you do and I now regret it she was so stressful and I hated getting up on mornings she was due. I snapped at my family all the time and stopped going to groups etc because I could not handle everybody looking at me and thinking I was being cruel. The only group we persevered with they all knew me and any newbies were soon told I was a childminder but the situation was under control. It was a gymnastics group and after 4 weeks of me walking around with her offering to hold her hand and her screaming because I was refusing to pick her up she gradually built her confidence and started using the equipment. The parents at the group were amazed and were all complimentary but the parental back up from her parents was non existent and in the end I terminated because it felt every little milestone we reached was undone at weekends.

the sleep issues - will probably resolve in time, an anxious baby might find it hard to relax enough to sleep in a new setting

the needing to be carried - I would sling an anxious baby, do you have a sling?

But the bottom line is that if you really can't bond, then it's kinder and more professional to give notice

I think you are extremely brave in 'admitting' your feelings. That is not easy.

Humans are attracted to and more responsive to 'pretty' things - however we all determine this differently.

As childcare providers we are not going to gel/bond with every child. And that is the bit that causes a conflict of emotions within us unsurprisingly - we are in a caring profession - we SHOULD love every child right!!! Well wrong, we don't like every adult we come across - sometimes inexplicably.

What do yo do about it. Well I think if you are already thinking down the lines of terminating the contract - it sounds like that is what you want to do. Probably better now in the settling period than later. However, do you hold of and hope things iron itself out and you are proved wrong down the line.

You need to weigh up how you feel and what you think you can cope with. Whenever I have had doubts early on in a contract - I would say most times further down the line I should have listened to my gut reaction and cancelled the contract early on.

Hi first of all it is probably good for you to be honest as it least then you will be able to make an informed decision.

What has the mother told you about this child.
Was there any trauma around her birth? Did she have a normal delivery? Is mum showing signs of post natal depression?

If the birth and delivery are normal then great if not this may explain things to do with her looks and may settle.

She is only young so may not show much personality yet. Is she easy for mum to settle and feed etc. If so can you ask mum how she does things in case you are doing things differently and this is what unsettles her. If not then you could work together to try and find solutions.

When you observe her is she meeting all of her expected milestones? If she is then there is less likely to be any special needs.

If you talk to mum and it still does not feel right then be honest with mum and say it's not going to work as at least she is then prepared for the fact you may withdraw service. You may cause undue stress all around if you are not honest your gut feeling is normally the right one.

I am a childminder but my ds2 was like this and very very very hard to care for and slept for only 1 hour a night for over two years but suddenly one day every thing clicked into place and he became the lovely lively little boy he is now.

Good luck hope you decide what's right for you and this baby.

oh my goodness

if you don't bond with the baby then this WILL affect the care you give and this could affect the baby's development

So a few questions -

How old is the baby?

What do you find difficult asbout caring for her?