CM club: Awful confessions... and advice needed

Hiya,

I'm not a CM but was just reading through the thread as I got some helpful advice in this topic area, but from the other side of the fence. I hope you don't mind me hopping on your thread

Not to throw money at the problem, but my DD was also an appalling sleeper, we had to sling her or push her for all naps and she would wake instantly if the ground wasn't bumpy enough. This worked wonders: www.babyhugs.com.au/ which we used to wean her off the pram.
They aren't cheap new, but sometimes come up secondhand on ebay for about £30. It was an absolute life-saver - we would have paid ten times the amount as I was completely shattered. It very quickly taught her to sleep in her cot and we now don't need to use it at all.

You could recommend it to the mum/get one yourself?

There is also a compromise solution - you give notice during the settling in period, be up front with the mum about the not-bonding thing, and say that given she paid a retainer etc you will keep the baby on till alternative care is found. Given you say CMs in your area are oversubcribed you shuld then be able to fill your spare slot pretty quickly. REsolves the situation , and gives the mum a childcare headache but not a childcare crisis.

Isn't it better to give notice during the settling in period? Given that it's the try-out for both you and the baby and what you've discovered is that it's not really working for you? Depends on your contract of course, but as a mum I'd be happier (if not exactly happy!) if the notice was given now.

i'd give notice - i find it extremely hard to look after a baby/child i don't bond with - in fact it causes depression with me - but i've never not bonded because i've found a baby "ugly" i find that quite shocking really.

i think if something is causing you to dislike a mindee that you won't look after them as well as you would a child you genuinely like and enjoy the company of - forget the money and do what's best for the mindee.

hope you get it sorted soon and don't feel guilty about it - we can't like every child.

longtailjosie gives good advice - you have nothing to lose and the child could have everything to gain

PS I thought my childminder was fantastic and bet you are too. Sometimes we just don't take to a particular individual and we don't know why.

As a parent of my DS who was at a childminder's who I don't think liked/bonded with him, although he is extremely cute and good looking wasn't really talking at that time and I felt her attitude, that he might be autistic or have a problem meant she treated him differently, I feel it was/is damaging to the child and would prefer to have been told that another childminder might have a better relationship with him.

My advice is give notice the family immediately so they can find someone who can see past your perceived problems and care for their child.

my cm friend is in the same boat as you

she has a 10mth old girl who looks

she only has her 2 days per week and i am at the moment trying to place the baby with another cm who at toddler groups has bonded with this baby i i feel the baby would be better suited to this cm than my friend (btw i am a support cm thats why i am helping)

if you dont bond with the child you are able to care for him/her but not aswel as you could.

i would look at other cm nearby and try to place the baby with them then tell mum you are unable to care for baby anymore but x cm has a place

I agree with Longtalljosie wrt having nothing to loose. If the mother doesn't want to do anything about it and isn't happy with you, she'll remove the child and you don't have to worry about giving notice when she's paid all that retainer money.

If I were you I'd give notice. Obviously not your fault that is your reaction to the baby - but I just think you shouldn't care for a baby you don't like.

I don't have any in depth argument to support that reaction - but my instinct strongly says it is something you just shouldn't do. Makes me feel really sad!

What happens at home? It strikes me the baby probably goes down a little quicker, and sleeps a lot longer at home. And having settled, would do the same with you. FWIW, I'm not sure I agree with you persuading the mum to change the stroking / nap routine at home just yet - too much change in too short a space of time.

Here's what I'd advise. Confront this flat head business with the mother and be stark about it. Give her the info, tell her in your opinion this is what she has, and say you really think she should make an appointment with her GP asap.

There are good reasons for doing this. One - you have nothing to lose. The worst case scenario is the mother takes offence and removes the child, and it sounds like you wouldn't mind that at all. And two - assuming the mum does take your advice - the child has everything to gain from you doing this. It's a win win.

its not critstzing her parenting (tho she is making a rod for her own back lol)

but you can not spend all that time on one dc, if the mum wants and the child needs so much one to one then she needs to find a nanny

Fifteen minutes to settle a 10 month old doesn't seem that extreme - especially in the early days. How many other children do you have at the same time as her?

mum needs to work alongside you and not stroke babys to sleep

but to begin with to do that, then ease off each day so less stroking or get mum to sit by cot but not touching,then to sit by door etc so eventually baby will learn to go to sleep their-self

i would def mention cranepath again, esp as hopefully they will mention the head-size

agree you are brave to be so honest about your feelings

if you are to continue with this mindee then you need to discuss with the mum how to make your life and her babys life less stressful- ie by teaching her to sleep in a cot/not being pushed in a buggy/being held all the time at home as fine when 1:1 at home but not when its 1:3/4 when you have her

do you really think there is a medical condition that causes this?

could you recommend the mum taking her dd to see a cranepath?

now I would mention something to the parents - perhaps print out a page from the internet to accompany your chat

I know from others on MN that there is a small window to get maximum results from re-positioning/helmeting

say something like ''I had noticed that her head seems an unusual shape, I have found some information that you may find useful. Why not pop her to your GP to get a medical opinion''

Not just based on a quick google - you need more than that to go on. Do you know any dcotors?