Why do we have kids if we can't look after them ourselves?

pastaplease Fri 22-Oct-10 20:24:26
I agree, tothepoint, and it's bold of you to say so!

I certainly don't admire people who 'juggle' work and childcare, and resort to using nurseries, childminders, nannies etc. It's a matter if priorities, I think.

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Some people don't have the choice but to 'resort to using childminders, nurseries, nannies etc'

I am a cm and if I don't have children to mind I cannot afford to pay for my clothes, shoes, sons' football training fees, diesel and other car costs for my 12 year old car which I am struggling to keep on the road but I need for my job as I do nursery and school runs which are not near each other (buses would cost a fortune for the amount of journeys I do). I am going to have to give notice to my nursery child as I need to take a dinner lady job to top up my earnings (the dinner lady job pays more than part-time nursery place).

So don't patronise people who have to juggle work and childcare.

I'm having to go back to work in a few months because once my mat pay runs out if I dont go back then DP and I, and our DS will lose our house!! DP doesn't earn enough to cover everything but earns just that bit too much for us to get much in terms of benefits. So what sgould I do OP? Lie and claim to be a single mum, get my house paid for by tax payers? Sadly I have too much pride for that.I'm already racked with guilt at the thought of putting my 9 month old in to childcare for 1 day a wk, but if I dont then he'll be homeless. Would that be a better option for you?

Your self-righteous post makes me feel sick!!

Just to pick up on a point from page 4 - someone mentioned that practising attachment parenting didn't equate to being a good parent.

I met a mum at a group who ticks all the AP boxes - long term extended bf, tandem feeding 5 and 3 year old, cloth nappies, co-sleeping, sling wearing etc. I expected I would quite like her as I kind of fancy this sort of lifestyle though I don't particularly manage to pull it off.

I have never met anyone as negative in how they communicate with their child. Everything she says is a barked order/"no" when the child is doing nothing, she is very unresponsive to her child actually trying to chat with her, says really nasty things about her in front of her including frequently and repeatedly referring to her as a "bloody nightmare" when she is doing absolutely nothing bloody nightmarish etc.

And is a total expert on how the rest of us should raise our kids

Why do we have kids if we can't look after them ourselves?

Why do we always rise to the bait?

To the point, why is the OP placing such post in the "childminders, nannies and au pairs" talk space? Perhaps the OP has interpreted the "etc" bit as 'air your (irrelevant) views to the topic'?

There are so many more appropriate forums for posts like the OP. The idea that somebody would place such a post in the childminders/nannies/au pair talk space is frankly odd.

no new thread title this=straight up rant at nursery.leave it be.does what it says on tin

... and, on that note, I suggest you request to change the title of this thread from:

"Why do we have kids if we can't look after them ourselves?"

into

"Why do women have kids if they want to work? But good on anyone with a penis working, that's a-ok."

FFS.

"The idea that somebody else can do a better job than the mum or dad is frankly odd."

I'm prepared to accept POVs which state they think a parent should stay at home with a child. I don't agree with it, but I can try to understand.

What I'm not prepared to do is see a constant barrage of critisism about the woeful lack of a MOTHER'S input into bringing up kids if she goes out to work. It's cruel, old fashioned and unrealistic to expect today's young women to accept that THEY deserve all the harsh words for making a living for their family.. yet a man who dares to have paid work outside the home is being a "good little provider" etc. I can't fucking stand that double standard. Why not accuse fathers who work fulltime of not caring for their kids? Why not accuse them of abandoning their children? Oh, I forgot, it's because it's a thinly veiled bash at working women again - NOT a comment on how a child benefits from having a parent (who has a penis or doesn't) at home. Silly me.

childcare=jaws of hellhound dawg get responses,i,love a good ole why have em if you wont look after em and leave them wiv unresponsive/vacant/delinquent staff thread

its a mn perennial

why the bump chickincharge when there's another perfectly obvious shit stirring thread already going on this subject in active conversations.

use ft nursery because i want to,because i can afford it

no further explanation needed

Chick, are you the OP in disguise??????

Chill out!

I'm a cm and mum to ds 5yrs, love all my mindees to bits, love what I do (most of the time ). We provide a valuable service to parents out there who need to work and we make sure their children are cared for and nurtured in the same way their parents would!

Personally, I'm getting a bit p**sed off at the pasting we have been getting on here recently.. My home looks like a nursery, I don't have time to do the paperwork, my son sometimes gets hacked off because I spend more time with mindees than with him - oh, and my DH is in hospital with pneumonia!

But hey ho, just have to get on with it!!!!!

chickincharge dont understand your post.. i am a cm and work full time.. I love my kids... the parents who use my services to look sfter their kids... love their kids too.. we just all have to pay the bills.. not go on 3 holidays a year but pay the bills

would it be kinder to our children to not pay those bills, get evicted, live in poverty, no heating, lighting, toys e.t.c..

if you can afford to stay at home with your kids then lucky you... my dh has had to go to Australia for work since July.. he loves us but hes a respopnsible parent and provider.. as I am..

comments like yours are at worst hurtful and smug ..at best careless and crass..

so chickincharge, what about those who have to work, what about those who like to work, what about the role fathers have, what about those who are too ill? Staying at home works for you, but not for every family unit

You seem to be saying that your children are your responsibility - does you husband or partner not have any?

Let's face it, going to work ,getting paid, doing something enjoyable that you're good at, getting an hour off for lunch is much more fun than being stuck at home, bored, an unpaid housemaid, having to be on call to wipe a face or arse, preparing meals that are spread all over the kitchen, picking up ,cleaning, not being able to to a simple task without interuption, being nagged 12 hrs out of the day, shouted at, having your belongings and house trashed I could go on....but they are my children, my responsibility, I knew that when I stopped taking the pill. How much do you have to pay someone these days to love your child?

well said dads..

As a mum whose dh has been abroad since JULY its bloody hard coping with the kids on my own.. kids need dads.. mums need dads!!!

DIOM - as a single father you make a good point; all the blah blah blah about abandonment yadda yadda yawn yawn children need their mothers at home yak yak yak - how awful to completely dismiss fathers

I have no choice. I would love to stay at home all day, and even be with my kids when they weren't at school. However, as a single father I regard an important part of loving and caring for my children to be making sure they have clothes, food, a roof over their heads, a heated house, hot water to wash with and all those other inconveniences we are expected to pay for.

Irrespective of all the historical information others have brought up (and much respect to those whose knowledge far exceeds mine) I think the OP should be aware of the real world we live in today.

ffs do what you feel is right for you and mind your own business about other peoples lives.. i childmind so work and at home for my dd.. not the best pay but good for her...

please ladies.. old old debate.. grow up...live and let fellow sister live

these threads are mn perennial

I really glad for the OP and others who support her that they can either afford to live on their partners' income or can stay at home and not work because they are claiming benefits. Everyone else in the middle generally goes to work because they need the money.

I suppose I could have packed my job in but then where the hell would we live. I'd have had to declare myself bankrupt as well to clear bank loans that I wouldn't have been able to pay. and then somehow find somewhere to live. What a great start for DS that would have been.

I probably would be a really shit mum as well if I had to do baby/toddler things 24/7. I'm a better mum when I'm with DS for going out to work.

Sod off and enjoy your smug little life.

highlystrung assuming you mean the OP, can't see much courage in anonymously posting on an internet forum and then not returning to the thread...

Takes courage to say what you said. Good for you, and I agree with you. (ducks to avoid passing bullets).

just to say working is all about avaricious needs for money and consumer goods is wrong.also abou self efficacy and autonomy

pior to pg i was solvent,had mortgage.financially independent.worked ft career i enjoyed i shouldn't have to give that up because i had dc.

i work because i want to
i was raised to be financially independent.
i value my career and gain affirmation from doing it. it makes me feel competent and i enjoy it

i don't need to be a mummy martyr.
no holidays
enforced frugality
blah blah

nah i will pass thanks

MUM2BLESS Fri 22-Oct-10 21:02:11
This is really getting a lot of interest and also really generating fiery responses!!!!

It would be interesting to know how many of us choose childminding so we could do both.

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I think it is very hard these days for alot of Mums and Dads going out to work - they have to because who is going to pay the bills, mortgage/rent etc and today I hear the government is forcing people back to work as soon as their child is 7.

I have no parents nearby and am a Registered Childminder,looking after my own 8 year old and another 8 yr old in the same class at his school. I am able to drop both boys at school and pick them up and have them all day in the holidays.

I agree with StarExpat, especially the last point, I would never be able to earn enough to pay for childcare as we are losing TCs and CB in the next few years and apparently DH earns too much on paper [hangry]

Interesting how tothepoint88 has so few posts -- all very recent and all on the same subject.

Wait... listen... what's the tapping sound... Oh, it's coming from under the bridge.

TrollThePoint88