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Original poster

Nanny behaving weird before starting - what to do

70 replies

ishika · 22/09/2010 10:52

Hi,

Its long. I just need to write the circumstances so i can get unbiased advices to tell me what i am thinking is right or wrong.

Background - Our 2 year old son goes to nursery 2 days a week and is looked after by nanny for 2 full days of the week. His current nanny's (bless her) last day is today and she had given us two months notice so we had more than enough time to find the right replacement for her. My son has been quite sick almost every week since last year winter and its only now that he has been showing signs of improvement and we have hope that with right care he should be ok. Its been quite stress full for mine and my husband's jobs managing our sons sickness over the last year.

Nanny to be - A girl from my son's nursery approached us a month and 3 weeks ago and wanted to nanny for him. She had been his key worker last year and we thought that it will be good for our son to have a known person. He is a shy child who gets quite attached to people and any change is hard for him. Hence, we agreed to go ahead with this girl - agreed to her higher rate, offered her more hours (she preferres more days and was ready to do housekeeping and pick up/ drop off to nursery).

We met her twice in middle of August and agreed hours, days, rate and duties. After the last meeting,she was supposed to come back to us with the date she can start as she had to give notice to the nursery. It took 3 text messages, 3 voice mails over course of the week and finally a text from DH asking whether she was still interested in nannnying for us or not - for her to text back and tell us the start date. The start date was first week of oct as nursery wouldnt let her off earlier.
She told us she had a very bad throat on Sunday and hence cant talk or meet up for contract. I bumped into her in the nursery next day and her throat was fine and she said somethign about sore throat gone suddenly- weird thing etc. Then i found out from another mum from nursery for whom she is going to do one day a week that the girl has already given notice to the nursery a while ago and would be leaving anyways at end of sep. So she has been fibbing to us about nursery not letting her go earlier - she never told us that she had already given the notice to the nursery.

Since then, we have tried to contact her several times via text and voice mail regarding clarifications about the contract -managed to catch hold of her only once 3 weeks ago for few mins over the phone. She refuses to talk in the nursery as she has not told anyone that she will be nannying for us. Doesnt reply to text messages etc.
Last weekend my patience ran out thin and i texted her on Fri, Sat and Sun to come and meet us and clarify everythign before starting.
I recvd a txt msg from her on Sunday that she is having a hard time as her partner has just been told he has cancer and she is not thinking straight.I felt really guilty for chasing and txted that we will talk later in the week and to rest.
Yest, i texted her with one ques - will she want to do the contract after she start as i dont want to make it hard for her. I didnt want to put her under pressure when she was dealing with her personal situation.
And no reply at all. Left a voice msg in the evening - no reply.

I feel like i am between rock and hard place. i have taken leave for rest of this week and next week to cover off till she starts. I dont have much leave left and neither does DH. Our city jobs are just delicately balanced with flexibility we have asked from our employers for our son. I feel for her - all i need is for her to communicate clearly to me. Her lack of response has been worrying me quite a lot before she told us about her partner. And i am getting more and more concerned now.

I need to know if she wants to work for us or not. or she wants more time to deal with what she is going through. I dont have family here to fall back on and i dont want to leave my son with a temporary nanny considering his health and shy nature.

I am aware that she works 7 days of the week - 5 days at nursery, babysits in the evening and works somehwere else during the weekend, so is hard on time. I am now without a nanny, limited leave, no fall back and nanny to be who doesnt respond. Feel like crying. Am i over reacting or is this cause for worry.
I am also conerned - what will happen if she does start if this is how she is now in terms of communication.
I dont want to be hard on her either considering her situation but what should we do. Our jobs are on the line and our sons care is on the line.

Please please advice.

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Original poster
ishika · 27/09/2010 00:47

I wasnt sure how to put in a salary guide in the ad. I am really novice at all this.
The salary we can offer varies depending on the experience of the nanny, her qualifications etc. Hence, i was in a fix whether putting in a salary range may offend someone later if we offer them the lower part of the range.

Advice please.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 25/09/2010 13:47

oic

think im being blonde today Grin

frakkinnakkered · 25/09/2010 13:34

I saw days and hours earlier - was just saying that if an ad is missing any of those I wouldn't bother replying!

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/09/2010 13:29

think op has edited her ad, as i see age and days and hours,tho no salary guide

frakkinnakkered · 25/09/2010 07:44

You don't specify a salary, or salary range. Personally I wouldn't even look at an ad unless it has basic details like days, hours, salary, number of children and ages.

Also did you mention your other nanny was going to do some extra housekeeping to bump up the hours? That might be worth mentioning as an option.

Original poster
ishika · 24/09/2010 23:38

I know we are better off without her but the frantic search now is just nuts.

My gumtree advert link is -
www.gumtree.com/london/37/66025137.html

I will also try and paste it in mumsnet local as well.

OP posts:
Starberries · 23/09/2010 15:50

Poor you :(

I know quite a few nannies in the area, is it possible for you to link either your nannyjob or gumtree advert?

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/09/2010 10:54

seems she def doesn't want your job and a good thing too tbh, you are def better off without her and in a few weeks once you have childcare sorted you will look back and agree with this

SolidGoldBrass · 23/09/2010 10:36

FS don;t ask this woman if she still wants the job, tell her you are not prepared to employ her because of her unprofessional behaviour.
Good luck with finding another nanny.

Original poster
ishika · 23/09/2010 10:27

Update - Called the nanny last night. And wonder of wonders, she didnt pick it up and it went straight to voice mail. We left a voice mail.
No call backs/ texts from her since then.
I guess the chapter is now closed. I still cant believe that she would do this to us in the most unprofessional manner when she has been DS's keyworker for a year. Any unknown person and you can take it. But someone who have looked after your child and claim to love them - how can they do this?

So i am back to the drawing board and trying to frantically find a new nanny to start asap now.

OP posts:
pinkbasket · 22/09/2010 13:53

Could you increase the nursery days just until you find a nanny and then maybe use the nanny for all the days you need and forget the nursery?

Ktay · 22/09/2010 13:51

Poor you, this sounds v. stressful. I have only skim-read so apologies if I'm repeating someone else's advice but just to say there are couple of websites specialising in nanny shares - Nannyshare and the Nannysharers. Might be worth taking a look at those in case there are families in your area who already have a nanny and are looking for a new family to share with (eg because other family in the share has gone on maternity leave/left country/been made redundant etc.)? Could be a quicker option than starting again from scratch.

fridayschild · 22/09/2010 13:50

Ginas Nannies are local to you, and I think they are good

Original poster
ishika · 22/09/2010 13:44

The nursery days can be changed - the nursery has earlier been flexible when we requested so i know that they may be open to the idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
ishika · 22/09/2010 13:43

Thanks all for the support. I can see the point of temp nannies now. You are right it's not ideal but i dont have much choice either.

I will try all the possible sources suggested.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 22/09/2010 13:41

agree a good temp is better than a perm bad nanny

tbh a bad temp is better than a bad nanny as gives you time

wish i was nearer as would help on my days off :(

can you be flexible on days you need as that may help find the right nanny or are nursery days set in stone?

pinkbasket · 22/09/2010 13:29

Oh you poor thing. I wish I was nearer as I would help you (ex nanny). Definitely do not employ this woman she is not reliable.

Sometimes nannies advertise in The Lady magazine so that might be worth a luck and also you could consider a temporary nanny, sometimes they chose to stay on permanently.

weddingseason · 22/09/2010 13:25

Local netmums/simplychildcare are good places to lok yourselves and wimbledon/abbeville nannies good agencies for Putney.

Good Luck and you're definitely doing the right thing looking for someone else. Granted she's having a tough time but that doesn't excuse the lack of decent manners in keeping you in the picture.

I would be furious!

giraffesCantDanceInBrokenHeels · 22/09/2010 13:25

She sounds like shes taking the piss big time. Good luck in your search

frakkinnakkered · 22/09/2010 13:25

It's true temps are a compromise solution but you need to go back and if you don't have childcare a good temp is better than a perm nanny who doesn't work out. You will feel less stressed because you've bought yourself time to make the right decision and DS will pick up on that. It's really not that unusual for children to have a temp in whilst parents wait for a perm nanny to come along and they cope very well. An experienced temp will be able to maintain the routine and keep things ticking over plus they're used to dealing with children between carers so will be very sensitive to things like the need for extra cuddles and prepared for a bit of separation anxiety.

If you do get a nanny on temp-perm ask the agency if the temp fee can be deducted from the final placement fee. That way it's like a trial IYSWIM, but no obligation. You're paying the temp fee and if you want to keep them you pay the balance of the placement.

Original poster
ishika · 22/09/2010 13:23

I have offered 4 days before in our ad if the nanny was ready to do a bit of housekeeping when he goes to nursery.

DS has only since past month adjusted at the nursery and the staff are lovely there with him - his health as of now is better. Had his surgery in summer and falls occasionally sick now. The effect of sickness is more on his personality as he has become shy with all the time he had to stay away from company of other kids. Also, the nursery DS is at requires a terms notice to pull him out, so we cant just take him out.
Financially we will be stretched but i am ok to offer someone 4 days as nanny housekeeper.

I dont mind nannyshare as it will be good for DS to have company - he loves to play with other kids. All the families i know have some sort of arrangement alreay or their kids are in nursery so no hope of finding a nannyshare so soon either.

OP posts:
nannynick · 22/09/2010 13:17

Try looking on childcare.co.uk
If the free search comes up with possibles - then pay for short membership and send messages to likely candidates. Use the advanced search to find people looking for nanny work within a small radius of your home, such as 3 miles, 5miles. Sort by newest. also try sorting by lastlogin.

Call her tonight and make it very clear that you need her to confirm right then if she wants the job or not. Tell her that you are looking at other applicants, so will offer the job to someone else if she isn't interested.

Consider using an agency, such as Wimbledon Nannies. While a temp isn't ideal, you will run out of annual leave if you don't sort out something quickly. So find out about temp nannies from the agency, costs agency fees. Also see if the agency has any nannies who may like the job permanently... though do check what fees the agency will charge.

Original poster
ishika · 22/09/2010 13:16

Thanks frakkinnakkerd. I am posting ads on the websites now. Will try and contact the agencies.
I was hoping to avoid a temp as didnt want too much change for DS but seems like i dont have much option.
As agreed with the girl, we will call her tonight and let her know our thoughts.

OP posts:
Laquitar · 22/09/2010 13:10

I forgot to add do you have local friends who have a good nanny? If so, would you considare nannyshare?

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/09/2010 13:09

thats the problem with communicationg through texts, you dont always get a reply, calling is better, though i see you also did that

i agree she doesnt want your job, seems weird that she wont talk to you about it at nursery (and check your contract about workers from nursery being allowed to work for a family from nursery - many dont allow it and could sue you)

you need a good temp and to give you the right time to find and check and employ the right nanny

would you consider having a nanny for 4 days, esp if you ds is poorly often - rather than 2 days at a nursery - may make your search easier for a nanny

many nannys would cut a limb off for a 4 day job Grin

look on netmums/nannyjob/gumtree as well as contacting agencys