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Original poster

Should I change nanny?

61 replies

Simic · 15/09/2010 08:40

We have had our nanny since January. Her hours are five days a week, 8am until 2pm. She looks after my 19 month old son while my four year old is at preschool.
I think she is good with my son and he seems to love her, but she is impossible with me and my husband.
She always arrives late. The idea is that she comes at 8am and looks after the little one so that my husband has his hands free to get my daughter ready and take her to preschool (nanny says my daughter doesn't want her to take her to preschool - and to be honest, she's right). However, she never gets there before 8.15 so my husband always gets dd ready late so he's always late for work. We spoke to her about this together and explained to her that it was really a problem for him. Her response was "I won't come at 8am until you get your child ready quicker". The contract does say 8am but we didn't push it as we didn't want her being angry with us and taking it out on ds.
Most mornings she arrives and announces to us and dd that she is in a bad mood. She tells me all about how the world is against her - and usually I am the cause of this. She then snaps at dd to be quiet because she's in such a bad mood. She criticises me constantly to my face and she has also spoken to my neighbours about how "problematic" I am (for example, I took ds out in the pushchair without a cosy-toes foot bag thing when she thought it was too cold for him, my neighbour replied that in her opinion it was still too warm weather for a cosy-toes and nanny replied to her that she would have to see how she should deal with me). She has even told me that a picture we have on the wall is "stupid".
I try to be friendly to try to get her to be a bit more cheerful. I listen to her problems.
I have now finally (after 9 months) found someone else who seems like a good alternative. The thing is that with my son, the present nanny is lovely. She is cheerful, caring, plays with him nicely from what I have observed. She won't go out for trips really because she can't manage it (if you lived somewhere else I could take him out for trips more easily) and she won't go out when the playground might be "dirty". But, he really likes her and is used to her. She takes him to a playgroup, reads loads of books with him, dances round the house with him. She never makes him lunch (although this was in the job description) but she says that in her opinion it's ok if he eats at 2pm when I get home - she gives him banana and bread roll during the morning.
Is it better to change because then I will be more relaxed and feel less attacked, or is it better to stay with her because after all ds is the important one here and a) change will be disconcerting for him and b) I don't know if the new nanny will be as good with him?
Sorry for writing so much! Please help!

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Bonsoir · 15/09/2010 09:46

I am at a loss to understand why you think this nanny is very good with your DS. It sounds to me as if she is way too child-centred - your DS will end up very spoilt with one adult at his beck and call like this.

She sounds terrible in every way.

Original poster
Simic · 15/09/2010 09:39

Sorry hadn't seen MoonUnitAlpha's post. Thanks for that!

OP posts:
Original poster
Simic · 15/09/2010 09:38

Put it this way: I have had fantasies about her being run over by a bus... .o)
But, I did get into a rant writing that post - sometimes she is pleasant. My parents have watched her with him and they said that I should be careful as I could do worse. But she is polite to them - I think it's the age thing - and she really watches herself when they are there. She is much older than me and she sees me as the stupid girl who doesn't have a clue and she is the professional (!). She does have a lot of experience but she isn't very bright (that's the main problem). Sometimes she does something good, like asking me how I want her to deal with it if ds bites another child at playgroup (he bites us quite a lot (gnawing really!) - as of yet has never bitten another child). I was struck down with amazement that she asked me. But it's not enough to compensate for all the other times she's been incredibly rude to me and made me feel very put down. Or when she's just been so moody and difficult.
Her intelligence does seem to flourish when it comes to the subject of her finances. I think Mrs Tayto is right saying to be very careful to go by the book when giving her notice. We have a lawyer who we've asked for advice although he's not an employment lawyer. Any tips anyone here can give, I'd be very grateful!

OP posts:
MoonUnitAlpha · 15/09/2010 09:34

MrsTayto as the nanny has been employed less than a year the OP can just give her the contractual notice. She can't claim unfair dismissal.

MrsTayto · 15/09/2010 09:24

I'm not sure if you should sack her or punch her if I'm honest.

You are VERY right to be getting someone else.

upahill · 15/09/2010 09:22

You seriously need to ask if you should change your nanny? Seriously?

chegggersplayspop · 15/09/2010 09:15

Lol at madnanny

She sounds awful. Snaps at your dd and only feeds them on her terms! Read your post back and you will realise how much of a nightmare she sounds. I agree with the others, get rid.

MrsTayto · 15/09/2010 09:08

Fucking hell. What a bitch. She sounds like an absolute nightmare.

Your dd doesn't seem to like her, she causes your dh to be late for work, she badmouths you to the neighbours, she's late, she won't feed your son (ffs what warped kind of madness is that?), she sounds deranged. What a horrible person. Being nice to your ds just isn't enough.

Your ds will be fine. He will have forgotten about her entirely in a couple of months.

Just make sure new person can start immediately if madnanny flounces without a backward glance when you bin her - she might be the sort to just not turn up to work again.

And please be careful about letting her go - if she is being sacked, you'll need to follow procedure. You can't just let her go because you've found someone nicer - you could end up getting sued for unfair dismissal. You may have to give her a verbal, written then final warning - I'm not an expert in employment law, so please take advice. There are lots of people on mn though who seem to know alot about the ins and outs of employing nannies, I'm sure you'll find answers here.

But you really are doing the right thing in ditchng this nutcase.

nannynick · 15/09/2010 09:03

Give her notice. Children quickly adapt to a new carer. It is important that you are happy, as well as your children.

Faaamily · 15/09/2010 08:49

She sounds unprofessional and slightly bonkers. Get rid.

dinkystinky · 15/09/2010 08:48

If she doesnt work for you as a family unit, then yes you should change your nanny. You need a nanny you can rely on. You will be able to find a good nanny who will care for your son brilliantly AND take hinm out to trips, playgroups etc. Make sure you make it very clear from your new nanny what you expect of her from the offset. And yes, your son will be unsettled for a few weeks (try to do a settling in period with new nanny where you're around the first couple of days but slowly fade into the background) but soon he'll be perfectly fine with your new nanny.