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Original poster

My non-sleeping mindee

40 replies

Saltire · 08/09/2010 10:07

is wearing me down.
I didn't have them yesterday due to me being ill,a nd on Monday he actually slept for more than 10 mintues in the 10 hour day, so was overall a far happier child.
He and his brother are due here at 10am, and the mum has already texted me to say he's been up since 4.45 am (he's 10 months), and hasn't slept yet,a nd has been screaming with tiredness since 9amHmm

I am breaking out in a sweat already.
He won't sleep unless beign pushed in parm, in the upright position.
He won't sleep in cot, as he screams till he's sick, ditto if I lie the buggy flat.
If he's not asleep within 1 1/2 hour of beign pushed around, we have to stop so he can have food (I don't think I have ever seen a 10 motnh old eat asmuchGrin), he needs food every 1 1/1/2 - 2 hours). Then he'll poo, so we have to stop again and change the nappy, and back to square one again.
If he doesn't sleep, then he won't let me down, he literally screams till he's sick if I try to sit him on floor, or even put him in high chair so i can cook!

Really could do with some tactics to get him to sleepGrin[

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Blondeshavemorefun · 14/09/2010 17:32

tis tue, tho helped that i have a fab mb who beleives in routine and also asks my advice and follows it :)

thebody · 14/09/2010 17:21

blonds.its not luck for you is it ?its that you have got them into a trained routine..

totally agree.. all sleep problems, unless child is ill, are down to weak discipline or one parent being too soft..

only parents can cure this not cm...

jamaisjedors · 14/09/2010 16:46

Radio is a good idea, DS2 likes to fall asleep to a story tape (always the same one), could you try and instill that as a routine, it could even be a cd of nursery rhymes seeing as he is so little.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/09/2010 14:07

maybe stick a radio beside him so he has continual noise?

Original poster
Saltire · 14/09/2010 13:57

When he woke yesterday he rubbed his eyes and pulled at his hair for a good hour afterwards, so is obviously tired, I can't think what to do to stop the "noise" from waking him, it's the slightest thing, for example next doors car going past when we were out.

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jamaisjedors · 14/09/2010 13:56

God as a parent whose children are at a cm's I would also say quit.

They sound WAY more trouble than they are worth.

Plus they will be a nightmare if you get other mindees, and if I came round to visit a childminder and saw those two children I would (wrongly I know) assume it was partly to do with the childminder, and it would put me off big time.

Sorry you have to put up with this, our lovely childminder got my boys into daytime routines when she had them, but they were 3.5 mths old at the time, and she has school pick-ups etc. to fit around so it was necessary for her.

You can't re-do all the parenting for them, especially if they are too lazy to bother themselves.

I am totally Shock at their "bedtime routine" despite not being a routine person.

good luck

Original poster
Saltire · 14/09/2010 13:52

She just laughs if I say anything, for example "oh mindee 2 has jammed something in the disc drawer of PC" and she laughs and says "that's my boy"
I ma also trying to train the older one to "take turns", he grabs out at whatever toy his brother has, yesterday it was a pushalong musical thing, and the mum and dad were both there at picking up time. The youger child was playing with it, and the older one went to try and get it, the dad said "nox, your brother is playing with it, you wait till he's finished"> The mum then told older boy "your little brother has to learn to share, you get it from him if you want"

So totally contradicitng each other!

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Blondeshavemorefun · 14/09/2010 13:49

tbh i would say quit, but its your sanity against a wage

Original poster
Saltire · 14/09/2010 13:48

blondes - the parents won't do a routine. I can tell you that without even asking them. It's "anything for an easy life", and if that means putting their Dses into teh back room with a DVD so they can have "quality me time" then they do it.

I was at a BBQ at theirs at the weekend, adn they don't even put youngest mindee in a highchair oto give him his food, they let him crawl around and they folow him with the food

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Blondeshavemorefun · 14/09/2010 13:48

gawd she sounds a right misery guts, inform her next time that you dont HAVE to have her children every day if dh is at home on shifts

Original poster
Saltire · 14/09/2010 13:45

The mum might well be out of a job in about 4 weeks, so I ma persevering until then.
DH wants me to give notice. He says apart from the stress, he thinks the mum needs to "get a grip".
Yesterday she turned up with no buggy (I have to use their buggy as it's the only one he will "sleep" in)
I had to use my double buggy, so of course he wouldn't sleep - well he did for 10 mins while we were out.
No coats for either child
no wellies, older one ahd sandals on
She had a hangover, both kids looked like they hadn't been washed all weekend.
She sat for 15 minuts moaning about how expensive childcare is. - our contract is that if I have the boys they pay me full daily rate, if I don't then they pay half. Their dad is an agency worker, so last week he worked 3 days out of five, but I still had the boys every day. The result is hat she's payin me more, even though he's not working, and then she sits and moans about it

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Blondeshavemorefun · 14/09/2010 13:42

good doc has checked him out, so now we know its not reflux and its a case of bad rotuine and needs to be retrained

i have always said you can retrain a bad sleeper in 2weeks if you persvere (sp)

yes you may have 10+ nights of screaming/no sleep but soon after that the child will reliese (even at 10mths) and learn to settle theirselves down

but as i said before, if the parents wont do it then there is NOTHING saltire can do

tutu100 · 14/09/2010 13:41

Saltire, my ds2 could make himself sick in as little as a minuite. I used to try rocking him to sleep for literally hours would put him in the cot just whilst I rushed for a wee and by the time I came back he would have been sick.

You really sound like you are trying everything you can. I think it sounds like the parents really need help with a sleep schedule. Do you think you could persuade them to talk to their HV. Mine was really helpful with my children's sleep issues.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 14/09/2010 13:38

nightmare, Salty

do you feel like you want to give notice or persevere?

[hug]

Original poster
Saltire · 14/09/2010 13:34

Just to let you all know that the mum took him to the docs and he said it's not reflux,he aid "he has a bad sleep routine"Hmm
Also, I watched him sleep yesterday, when he slept for approx 10 minutes, and he enver closes his eyes properly. I ahve noticed it before, but one eye is lamost open the otehr slightly so. He also flinches at the slightest noise, so he's not getting quality sleep.

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CarGirl · 13/09/2010 20:52

Saltire what a nightmare, dd (who had silent reflux) did find it very hard to get to sleep and rocking in a buggy would probably have helped although half the time she would still scream and scream and never sleep. From 6 weeks old she didn't sleep at all during the day and used to crash out for 7/8 hours at night and that was it, any time she did pass out was only for minutes like you posted above.

When the parents have such a non rountine it's very hard to establish whether routine is part of it as well.

thebody · 13/09/2010 16:31

oh saltire love, if you can afford it and fill the place give notice.. I do feel sorry for the child of course but this is beyond the call of duty and parents sound a bit wet really.
you can only do so much and try new methods but have to have the support and cooperation of parents and you aint getting this..

you dont need this stress!!

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/09/2010 14:15

so the younger one will sleep at night if put infront of a tv?

yes he may have a silent reflux,and obv good to check this out with the gp

but i still stand by what i said and that the parents have made the child like that with the methods they have used to get their child to sleep

he needs to be re trained how to go to sleep by him self - but without the parents support saltire cant do anything

Original poster
Saltire · 13/09/2010 11:15

The mum keeps saying "oh lie him on the floor/in his buggy and give him warm milk"

Which he won't take, he knows now that if he gets that it means he is going to have a sleep, so he throws it away.

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Original poster
Saltire · 13/09/2010 10:45

looney - they have no routine whatsoever at home.
They arrived on Friday at 09.30 , after the mother texted me to say "oh x and I ahve the day off, so we are all in our bed wathcing a dvd".
They were due to arrive at 7.30.
They came in their pj's, having had no breakfast so both, especially the little one were screaming for food.

At night, they put both boys into the dining room, they have a sofa in there. The older one is lying on the sofa, the younger in his buggy. The parents stick a dvd on and shut the door and leave them there to go to sleep.

The dad was a SAHD, and he used to rock the younger one to sleep in the buggy while watching tv etc. So now the younger one won't sleep at all unless he's being pushed (and at no time did I say i left him for hours to scream himself sick, he can make himself sick after less than 3 minutes of screaming)

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Original poster
Saltire · 13/09/2010 10:39

There's always someone who posts how wrong it is for childmidners to have a break!Hmm

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looneytune · 12/09/2010 10:43

I was going to suggest possible silent reflux myself as ds2 had that and he screamed. I was DREADING starting back childminding when he was 10 weeks old as he was just so needy and wouldn't sleep without me holding him with the hoover on (white noise) and stuff like that. I went to CO and they 'fixed' him, I'm so so grateful as no way could I have been childminding all the little ones I had if he was like that. You have my sympathy, you really do. And I know you only came on here for advice and if he's screaming when you're trying to settle him and that doesn't help, I don't see what harm a very short amount of time on here trying to get some tips can do.

I personally would have to have a proper sit down chat with the parents and either work together on this or give notice, even if it meant I didn't have any mindees. You have to think of your wellbeing too. Poor child though, sounds like something isn't quite right :(

ShowOfHands · 12/09/2010 09:00

Oh gosh. My dd was and is a non-sleeper. She never napped for more than a few minutes and from 12 months ish she stopped napping entirely.

But she was sunny and happy with it, rarely cried at all. She's just not a sleeper.

This sounds entirely different. Screaming until sick and unable to drop off when exhausted could be due to something like silent reflux.

At the very least, both children need some kind of consistent and manageable routines for their own health and happiness.

AvrilHeytch · 12/09/2010 08:50

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thebody · 12/09/2010 08:38

bobbiesmum..

cms do have the right to a tea break/coffee break when the children are asleep arnt they? and then have a right to collapse with a magazine, get on with the endless paperwork involved in cming, ,go online to order shopping or indeed go onto mumsnet.. dont get your last point?

As regards this child I agree with breastmilksonme.. I would have to give notice as this child would require more time than I could give.. I have other children in the setting and couldnt cope with one who is so demanding, it would also affect my own family too much..

before I get flayed by a parent for this can I say that the child and parents have all my sympathy but being a cm is not like working in a nursery with lots of staff to share the children and bounce ideas off, its just you... and that can be very tough if one child needs such one to one and particular care.