Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Natural Birth? You can do it!

191 replies

boogs · 12/05/2003 14:42

My sisters' due in two days and it's got me thinking about my labour with dd. OK I'm not trying to blow my own trumpet here, I just want to pass on some info and knowledge I think all women should be aware of. Talking to friends/family who've had babies, it seems that alot of them get caught up in all the 'labour aid' possibilities. There's so much these days that can help us in labour, epidurals, gas'n'air, pethidine, etc, etc, that it's almost seen as inevitable to 'take' something during labour.
After having dd, and relaying my birth story I found that people were almost suprised that I didn't take any drugs, in any form, like 'how did she do it?' During the first stage I was at home, on a lovely shagpile rug on the floor, propped up against the bed. Dh gave me honey and hot water to keep me going cause I was there for a few hours. Each time a contraction came I got up on my knees and leant forward on the bed and got my lower back rubbed by dh. i was like this for hours, and I was really comfortable, and the pain was only bad when the contractions peaked. But when they died down, it was almost pleasurable. When I got to the hospital I was 9cm, and two hours later she was born. I was only pushing for 25 minutes. The crowning was really painful, like fire, but I didn't tear thank god!
I've heard so many scare stories about women who've had an epidural early on, which has lead to other forms of 'painkillers' and ended up having c/s, because they were so drugged up and numbed that they had no strength to finish.
My point is that a natural birth is attainable for any woman, even if you have a low pain threshold. Labour is painful no matter what, and I reckon it's better to feel the pain and control it than to have some drugs control it for you.
'New Active Birth' by Janet Balaskas is a brilliant book that helped me achieve childbirth without intervention and drugs which sometimes make things harder than they have to be.
It makes me feel sad that so many women opt for ceasarians without even trying to do it naturally which is better for mother and child. I'm not putting anyone down for any intervention they decide to take on, of course it's each woman's choice but I think more women should have faith and confidence in their natural ability to give birth.
Raspberry leaf tea, perenial massage, yoga, deep breathing, back massage, upright positions (instead of lying back on the bed in a pasive position) are all natural ways of controlling the pain of labour.
I hope this doesn't sound like a lecture, but I know I've given my sister confidence to try it naturally, and wanted to give anyone who's in doubt or scared some encouragement and advice.
Good luck to everyone who's expecting, and just trust in yourself!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
boogs · 13/05/2003 23:09

Muchas gracias Guys! I feel like it wasn't all in vain now. I guess the thing to do is to keep an open mind, whichever method you decide to 'try', and be positive.

All the best to you Jaytree, home is the most comfortable place to be after all, so sounds like a good plan.

I keep hearing my m/w saying in a whiny Caribbean accent 'don't be afraid, I want you to push'. Cause I was really tired and lost when it came to the second stage. I would have done anything she said at that moment in time. Still, 'tis a fond memory.

My sister's due tomorrow so I'm waiting by the phone (better get off Mumsnet then, eh?). Will take all the wisdom of these postings with me, in heart and mind, and I'll hopefully be of some use to her. She's only wants me to take piccies anyway, but I'll probab be crying from both fear and delight, so I'll think she'll end up with details of the floor tiles. Anyone would think I was giving birth! Will keep y'all posted.

OP posts:
willow2 · 13/05/2003 22:01

Ninja - are you ok? I mean physically? Sorry to pry, but you sound really shaken up - much as I was just over three years ago after wanting a natural birth and ending up butchered. Don't know if I'm reading too much from your last post - but if you've been damged - physically or mentally - there's a lot of help out there and I might be able to point you in the right direction.

JayTree · 13/05/2003 21:32

just re read that one - sorry about crap grammar - have a sleepy baby on my knee and typing too fast...

JayTree · 13/05/2003 21:30

Boogs - meant to post yesterday - thanks for sharing your story, while I realise that the natural birth may not always be possible, your story inspired my dh and i to spend a lot of yesterday evening having a heart to heart about what went wrong with our first labour and birth (waters broken artificially, pain relief that I had never planned to take, feelings of out of control, labouring lying flat on my back in a hospital bed, ventouse, episiotomy etc. etc. etc.). It made us realise that rather than be frightened into wanting even more pain relief in form of epidural this time round, maybe the other direction would suit us better - ie. home birth and water pool. Spent this afternoon talking with my midwife who is so encouraging and supportive - fingers crossed that my pregnancy will cont. to run smoothly and that it may be possible. I now feel so much more confident and positive about my pregnancy now that I have thought more carefully about the final stages. Thank you for triggering it all off.

Ghosty · 13/05/2003 21:09

Just wanted to add a bit ...
This is a great discussion ... no real nasty bits anywhere and lots of respect flying around ... see, when it comes to discussions like this Mumsnetters are truly fab ...
Boogs ... like I said, you haven't offended me ... I am just jealous that I couldn't have the positive experience you have had ... maybe I will one day, maybe I won't but for me now the point is to have a healthy baby (and sane -ish mummy) at the end and really I don't care how it comes out ...
I think that you have tackled this delicate subject really tactfully and diplomatically and I seriously don't believe any of us c/s-ers are upset about it ...
FWIW I do agree with you about those women to choose c/s the first time round for no reason ... don't know why anyone would want to do that ...
BUT I also agree with whoever said that it is ok for people to be frightened of pain and why shouldn't they choose to have pain relief? My best friend had a laparoscopy once and spent 5 days in bed after ... I told her 'God knows what you will be like when you have a baby and you better not have a c/s' She agreed (has never had a high pain threshold ... used to scream the house down after a small graze on her knee when we were kids) and chose to have an epidural with her first child ... so the birth was sweetness and light and she was radiant when I went to see her. I am sure that she would have lost the plot had she had to suffer a lot of pain ... she is just not strong like that and is the first to admit that she is a total lightweight ...
Anyway ... back to the way you have handled this topic boogs ... have you ever considered a career in politics? I vote Boogs for PM!!!

Eulalia · 13/05/2003 20:24

I agree about the interventions to some extent. My ds came naturally at 8 days late. Labour was fairly good for a first birth although I did have one shot of pethadine (gas and air doesn't work for me).

Next time round I was so relaxed and ironically feel that I could have done it at home but couldnt due to circumstnaces. During labour I was actually falling asleep during contractions and this was without any pain relief.

However I had to be induced. I say had to be but not sure it was nececessary. I delayed the date so that I was 15 days past my date. I had a cervical sweep which didn't work. As it turned out I only had one dose of prostin gel and nature did the rest (no drips etc and in fact I did most of the labouring in an ordinary ward without a monitor reading a magazine as the Labour Ward was fully booked!) So just want to point out that inductions are not horror stories for all. Ithink it does depend on how overdue you are - my cervix was very soft and I was very ready to give birth. I feel the date for inductions should be moved forward (unless medically necessary) as it makes things so much easier.

I did have one short of morphine again for 2nd birth but more out of choice as it helped me to relax (barely had time for it to take effect though! as dd came sooner than anticipated).

Its all a question of balancing things - yes some drugs may make labour slower but if it is going to make the whole experience more enjoyable and easier then why not? If I'd known dd was going to be so quick then I'd not have bothered but we don't have foresight in giving birth!

boogs - thanks for your positive story. I know it is difficult to balance being positive, giving encouragement and not sounding preachy. I have had similar problems when talking about breastfeeding as I feel it is something that practically all women can do (if they want to that is) but this is also an emotive issue also ...

Anyway good luck to your sister - keep us posted on how the birth went.

SueW · 13/05/2003 19:15

Can I just correct Rhubarb's point about NCT offering postnatal counselling or birth crisis workshops - this isn't something offered by all branches.

However, there is the Birth Crisis Network which may help. The telephone numbers are on the web page.

ninja · 13/05/2003 18:53

nobby - you're absolutely right. In fact that's what my dp said to me

boogs · 13/05/2003 18:48

No problem Ninja!

OP posts:
nobby · 13/05/2003 18:37

I think if the midwife had offered to hit me over the head with a mallet I would have accepted gratefully .

pupuce · 13/05/2003 18:35

Hey - I begged for an epidural and a section with 24hour labour, no one is pefect

ninja · 13/05/2003 18:33

Thanks for all the support folks - I have to say that I was lucky that the midwives and my dp were very supportive and positive and really did try everything. Giving birth with my legs in stirrups was just the opposite of what I wanted, but you're right I do have a beautiful baby girl who remarkably satyed calm throughout the whole experience (she survived it better then me!). It's just when I read things about how to avoid tears and cuts etc that I just think could I have done anything different (aside from massaging with wheatgerm, raspberry tea, optimal foetal positioning, ......)

You're right pupuse the main thing at the end was tiredness and for some reason she seemed to be stuck - I seemed almost to be noddong off inbetween the pain. I guess psrt of the guilt is that at that point I felt like I would have taken a c-section if offered, and that's a horrible feeling to wish for.

Afterwards one of the first things my dp said was that we never had to have any more children and at the time that seemed like a good idea I have to say 8 days on the memory hasn't gone but my beautiful daughter may change my mind

As I say again Boogs it is inspiring to hear of your experinces and Thanks for giving me the opportunity to get mine off my chest.

pupuce · 13/05/2003 18:06

Ninja - why do you feel like a failure? You gave it your best shot.... and you were (presumably) VERY tired from your long labour and tried your hardest... hey it could have been the drip, forceps or section....
I have just helped 2 women who after 24 hours + had a section.... not their ideal scenario (one of them had a previous section) but when you are stuck you are stuck.... and for both these women I (their birth partner) feel in hindsight I could have done this or that or should have said this or that.... but you know what is most important? These 2 women feel they tried Damn hard! And they did... I am all pro natural and in both cases I would have handled their labour differently if they were my labours (which they were not and I was not the one in pain!) - but I genuienly think the outcome would not have been different. For one of those I -and the OB and MW - now feel she probably has a pelvis problem.... and for the other.... it's a slightly different story but SHE was stuck with an anterior lip and I don't know if another 5 hours of labours would have made any difference to her cervix (she had been stuck for 4 hours with the same problem).

Ninja- The vast (and I do mean vast) majoprity of women who have a labour like yours the first time have a doddle the second time around.... you will (as I did) have such great memory of labour number 2....

However you need to get the sad feelings out of your system, talk to your MW or HV, tehy will listen. You can speak to an AN teacher or a doula.

Enjoy your baby!

BTW - I don't know if you know this but the fact that you avoided an epdirual and the drip your body made all the oxytocyn and endorphins it needed and that is EXCELLENT for you and baby.

Thanks Boogs

boogs · 13/05/2003 17:46

Ninja, I appreciate your courage in telling your story, esp. since it's still so recent and understandably emotional. Big hugs!

NO woman who's given birth is a failure, Please don't let my, or anyone else's comments get you down. I'm so sorry! You've got a beautiful baby, and you're recovering from the birth so where's the failure? I know, to give birth without drugs, etc is an ideal, and I realise now that's it's not for everyone, but this isn't an ideal world. Shit happens! Ideals are there to give us hope and guidance, not to stand in judgement over us.

You did what was best for you and your baby and so you should feel very proud of and empowered by what you achieved. Just think, about it. You gave birth and you're both fine. Keep smiling!

Pupuce, you're on my wavelength!

OP posts:
morocco · 13/05/2003 17:10

just wanted to add
thanks for the post boogs - maybe next time I'm expecting I can use examples like yours as an inspiration for the next, hopefully not c section, birth.

eyelash · 13/05/2003 16:17

Ninja - don't be hard on yourself. You successfully delivered a healthy daughter and have the exciting prospect of many new and exciting days/years ahead. Don't let, what you deem to be, a clouded birth experience affect this precious time. I assume you have had advice from the midwife on how best to heal your cut - you could do a thread on here to get advice. The best advice I had for my tearing with ds1 was when weeing pour a jug of warm water against your vagina as this stops it stinging and dry off afterwards with a hairdryer - this also helps the healing process. As Rhubard has suggested get in touch with the local NCT - they can be a great support.

Boogs - It wasn't your post which put me off a natural birth but the general tone of the replies to your original note. I actually have two ds - first in hospital long labour, pethidine which stopped everything, 3 changes of shift, flat on my back, legs in the air. But healthy ds1 (9lbs 6ozs). DS2 (8lbs 9ozs) born at home, gas and air, Tens and bath as pain relief- I considered this a natural birth but the pain relief options I used helped take the edge off. I loved being at home and midwifes had completely different attitude to whole experience.

Eyelash was my nickname in school not because I had long ones (unfortunately) but my then boyfriend had eyebrows akin to Liam Gallagher! So you get the gist.

Great debate!

pupuce · 13/05/2003 15:57

"There are loads of people out there who want to make you feel like a failure no matter what you do" It's a bit harsh.... don't know if you saw the discussion with MEARS... You can choose to feel like a faillure - if you don't feel like a failure or do not see why you should... no amount of negative comments will make you feel like it !

One may feel guilty about things they could have done differently if they had known better for example.
I know that I feel guilty about having introduced a bottle of EBM early on as my son quickly found bottle feeding more efficient... I wished he had BF longer.

I CHOOSE to feel guilty about it - many would not - especially when he BF for 8 months which is much more than many other babies.

Rhubarb · 13/05/2003 14:41

Hey Ninja, don't fret. Contact your local NCT as they have a course set up for women who need to talk about their birth experiences. It is a traumatic time and you will need support to come to terms with it.
I wanted a natural birth too and was doing just fine until I went into the labour ward. The MW were insistent that I have either pethidine or an epidural. They strapped me to a monitor the second I was in there, and they didn't allow me to get up at all! They scared me into eventually having an epidural, they gave me no encouragement to have a natural birth at all. I believe the reason was that after the epidural they left me to it whilst they chatted in the nurses room, it was easier for them!
This time round I'm going for a home birth. I still have regrets about the first time, and not being strong enough to insist on doing things my way. But you trust the MWs as you have no idea what to expect. You rely on them to give you the right advice and treatment and to be on your side! Unfortunately it is not always the case. But you will get over this. The main thing is that you did give birth, and you and your daughter are healthy.
And welcome to the stage of motherhood where there is nothing you can do that is right or will please everyone - from how you give birth, right through to feeding, sleeping and discipline. There are loads of people out there who want to make you feel like a failure no matter what you do, just hold your head up high and stick two fingers up at them. This is a damn hard job for anybody, but especially first time round, and nobody should be made to feel ashamed over any choice or decision that they made, or were coerced into making!
(and that wasn't directed at anyone in particular, just society at large!)

pupuce · 13/05/2003 13:51

Judetheobscure, you wrote this :
I have since found that was completely unnecessary

That is true of a hell of a lot of things in labour.... even by well-meaning MW. I am with women in labour and sometimes I am astounded at what women "get" or are told (inclduing interventions NOT requested or agreed like a sweep or a ruopture of membrane!).... it's only when questioned or challenged that the medical staff will agree to think about it and maybe (sometimes) change their mind.
I know of MW who have said that often they or their colleagues say "Baby in distress" to get the mum in theater....(hence so many women are convinced that THANKS to the section their babies are alive - it certainly true in a lot of cases but by no means all!) The baby may not be in distress but labour is getting too long and they don't like it/fear it/need to get home, what ever!
I have plenty of people telling me they can't believe I had 6h1/2 of pushing.... well to start with it's in my notes and I can remember it !
But why would they intervene (besides me fed-up?) baby was not in distress, I was pushing... he was just in a bad position and I was vey tired and did not push as well as I should have... but he FINALLY came out!

tigermoth · 13/05/2003 13:38

I didn't choose to have a natural birth, other people chose this for me. The doctor and midwife chose not to give me a C section, an epidural or induce me.

I had no specific wish to give birth naturally. My birth plan stated this. I would have gone along with any medical intervention deemed necessary.

At one point with son no1 I asked for an epidural but was refused because I was too far gone. I gave birth naturally by default.

I have had 2 'natural' births. I have never had faith in raspbery leaf tea, massage, yoga, or upright positions. Never went that route and if I was pregnant, never would. I have learned that breathing and mental attitude help me overcome the pain, but will never feel that these alone will result in a natural birth.

I think this is a very interesting discussion. Cheers to boogs for starting it and taking everyone's points on board along the way.

ninja · 13/05/2003 12:27

And Boogs - I repeat this is NOT critising you - your post is just what I would have wanted to read before I gave birth - can't promise it would have made any difference to the outcome tho'!

ninja · 13/05/2003 12:24

I have started to read all the postings - but don't think I can get through them all without crying. I only gave birth a week ago so it's all fresh in my mind. I wanted a natural birth (OK some gas and air wasn't a problem), had read about it, was relaxed about it, prepared.... It didn't work like that for me after 24+ hours of contractions I was in so much pain that I took pethadine evn tho' I knew it would slow it all down. Six or seven hours later (pethadine of course all won off) I should have been getting the urge to push but didn't just lots more pain! I tried every position in the book to try and get my daughters head to move down, but it wasn't happening and in the end it took an episiotomy an a ventuse to get her out - actualy as soon as the put the ventouse on I think I pushed for England as she came out in one with absolutely no mark on her head.

I'm crying writing this as all through the last part of the labour and since then I have a feeling of failure that I DIDN'T manage to give birth naturally - I never swore during labour, just apologised! To me natural birth is still an ideal and I would still aspire to that but I don't want to feel guilty about any other way.

Boogs this is not having a go at what you wrote - it's great to give people the confidence that might make the difference in their birth but I guess I think we also need to be aware that even if it doesn't go to plan the most important thing is to produce a healthy baby at the end of it - however it happen for you it's hard but worthwhile.

I gues that's it and I'll read the rest of this thread at a letr date when I'm feeling less emotional about it all.

boogs · 13/05/2003 12:12

Hey Tessie, that's my line!

OP posts:
Tessie · 13/05/2003 11:44

oops - sorry!

boogs · 13/05/2003 11:40

Tessie, we heard you the first time, thanks! (te,he)
I do agree with you tho, that it doesn't really matter 'how', as long as everyone is fine afterwards.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread