I’m absolutely terrified of giving birth

I was scared of a c section to begin withbut had to get an induction. The induction was woeful and failed. Ended up having an emergency c section and it was so much better than I expected. I would 100% opt for a planed c section if I have a second x

You don’t need to go as far as a C-section (unless medically required). I had an epidural with DS2 and it was great. No pain, but enough feeling that I felt I was giving birth, and I was mentally with it so could really enjoy those first few moments with him. The prejudice against having proper pain relief in childbirth in the U.K. is idiotic - in eg France almost everyone has an epidural. It’s a classic example of women being expected to put up with pain men wouldn’t dream of putting up with - human beings had teeth removed without pain relief for centuries too but today no one would think you were a better person if you said you’d had that done with no pain relief.

DC1 I asked for an epidural but he came so fast there was no time, so I just had the gas and air but that made me really woozy and so my memories of having him are very vague.

I was terrified too. Here's my experiences:

DS1 was a horrendous birth because he got stuck. I had an epidural which can up the risk of the baby getting stuck and sadly I fell on the side of the stats where he did. He ended up a forceps delivery, I suffered a 3rd (nearly 4th) degree tear. Awful awful recovery.

I somehow worked up the courage to have a second. I was adamant that was not happening to me again but the thought of C section recovery was also daunting with a toddler in tow. With the agreement of my consultant I booked a due date C section with instructions that if the baby came beforehand I'd have a low threshold for intervention and emergency C section. DS2 came 3 days early and quickly. There was no time for any pain relief other than gas and air and he was out. Minimal injury (minor tear) and recovery was amazing, I was out of hospital a few hours later. I dropped DS1 at nursery in the morning, gave birth to his brother and could have picked him up again at the end of the day (but I decided I'd give myself the nursey pick up off that day haha)

Two completely different stories of birth there and I'd have never believed I could have had the second story based off of my first one. You never know what is going to happen until you get there.

I do suggest having a think now about the types of thing you would and wouldn't want if you were thinking of a vaginal birth. Pain relief you'd want, intervention if things aren't going smoothly. It is overwhelming when you get there, and you're a little bit preoccupied when you arrive so aren't in the best frame of mind to be making decisions. Whoever will be joining you in the room, make sure they are also informed of what you'd prefer as there were points where I just didn't want to talk anymore and my husband took over because he knew what I wanted.

Whatever you choose, all that matters is that you and your little one are safe and sound at the end of it all. Those first cuddles make it all worth it!

Opt for an elected CS if you can .

I elected and would do the same again. I was terrified of natural labour which I did go into so ended up as emergency section.

I would highly recommend this site and podcast to help reassure you and make your decision

https://www.fearfreechildbirth.com/

I had 4 children and 4 epidurals. The one that initially “failed” the anesthetist was able to go back and correct. It then worked wonders. I had one forceps delivery which was fine and healed really quickly minimal marks on baby. Most recent birth I had the suction cup as baby was abit stuck and had turned. They got him back the right way round and once the suction was applied he was born within 3 pushes after. No marks on baby, I didn’t tear and didn’t need to be cut. So far recovery has been so easy (was two days ago). The thought of a c section terrifies me as the meds can affect the lungs and make you feel like you can’t breathe in some instances and longer recovery time. I was up and about an hour after the birth and feel great

there are risks either way ofcourse so do what feels right for you

I was absolutely terrified. I was 40 and it was my first birth. My dh told me “it’ll be like having a big poo” to try and lighten the mood but as time went on I was so terrified that I had the docs get me ready for an epidural.
in the end though I felt the contractions and yes, they were a bit “ow” but had gas and air and that really helped and I gave birth naturally and it was like having a particularly big poo, just from the front 🤷🏻‍♀️. No tearing, no stitches. On my second birth when I was 45 I was able to enjoy it as I knew what to expect and it was similar to the first birth. No tearing, no stitches and after having my baby I was in the shower after a little cuddle. I had listened to the horror stories but the gentle birth stories aren’t as loud so arent heard.

I really wouldn't ask for birth stories in your position OP.
Get some perinatal CBT to help you face your fear.

If you are that worried get a planned c section. I’ve had 3 vaginal births but I would never have been able to have an epidural as I have never been 4cm dilated, only 0 or 10cm, so too early or too late, also meant I could never have a water birth either, only has and air. During the last birth I remember wishing I could have a c section the contractions were that bad, pushing stage far less painful and blissful relief at that point

I don’t blame you for being terrified because it’s a bloody scary thought!
I’ve had two vaginal births. The first time they said I was too late for an epidural but I didn’t give birth until about 10 hours later They gave me Pethidine and that just sent me to sleep and his heart rate to drop. Ended up with an assisted delivery etc. So I’d have never gone for that again!
Second birth ….. stayed at home because eldest was on school holidays, measured 9cms when I eventually went to the hospital (I’d spent the morning with the eldest, cooked lunch etc etc) and gave birth with zero problems with gas and air.
I think by the time you’re in labour, you kind of just go with the flow? Well that was my experience anyway.
If somebody had had a crystal ball and told me how the first birth would go, I’d have probably wanted a CS but like I say, my second was so very, very different.

I loved my birth. Had an epidural when pain really kicked in, it was a wonderful day. I hope you have the same pleasant experience.

I was terrified but did a hypo birthing course which really helped. Labour was extra painful due to pelvic girdle syndrome but I got though it with gas and air. The breathing you learn in hypno birthing makes a massive difference in terms of reducing the pain and helping to remain calm. I can’t say I recommend forceps delivery but it couldn’t be helped.

its productive pain OP, you push and sweat and yell profanities,
pant and push some more, the midwife or doctor see baby’s head,
encourages ‘one more mighty push’ so you push hard, then gloop,
out baby comes, outraged, yelling, laid on you, messy andgasping,
you cry, midwife says well done, husband beams then passes out,

your baby, worth every painful moment, a daily miracle 💐

Three straight forward vaginal births here - the 3rd one at home. I had some gas and air for the first one but nothing for the other two - I didn't need it.

If you can afford wget an independent midwife - that way you can avoid all hospital appointments (apart from scans ) have all appointments at home and build a proper relationship. I had them for DC 2 and 3 as, although my first birth was relatively straightforward, I got very frustrated with being given differing advice and meeting some unsupportive HCPs. I had home births but they also have relationships with local hospitals so can be with you there. It’s hands down the best money I’ve ever spent - people are quite judgemental about paying for something that is ‘free’ but it’s so important. Another possibility is a doula who can advocate for you.

As someone who had a elective and emegerncy c section - ask for a elective.

I had a vaginal birth. Apparently I'd been in labour all day but I just thought it was indigestion. It was only because I was 3 days late and my mother insisted, that I went to the hospital to get checked out. That was at 6pm, by 7pm I was on the ward with a newborn. I had no pain relief because I honestly didn't need it.

2 brilliant and pretty much pain free births here. Both planned sections.

Birth stories probably aren’t going to help you at this stage
Discuss with your midwife - as others have said there are pros and cons to both.
Then make your informed choice .
Then relax enjoy the rest of your pregnancy .

I really liked giving birth. It's an intense experience but wow the hormones are amazing. Like the strongest feel good drugs ever. My last birth I gave birth on my own (midwives didnt arrive on time) but it was absolutely fine. I did hypnotherapy breathing just youtube videos and just wanted to feel confident that my body knew what to do. You will hear horror stories but it's absolutely possible to have a good positive birth.

Are you able to articulate what is it exactly that you are scared of?

Personally, I don’t like injections and I was far more scared of having an epidural than I was of anything else, so I was glad that I didn’t need anything more than gas and air with my two. The second was a home birth in a water pool.

Don’t underestimate the recovery involved from a Caesarean. I have a friend who has had five children: four vaginal births and one planned caesarean. She says that was by far the most difficult.

But I agree with others that you need to discuss the pros and cons of each option with your midwife and then make the best choice for you.

I was very scared too with dc1 I took every pain relief - gas and air, tens machine, pethadine and epidural (twice!) it did slow things down and I felt sluggish throughout but still in pain. With 2nd dc I decided to see how it went and yes it’s painful but it was manageable so I did same with dc 3
dc1 labour - 26 hours
dc 2 - 90 min
dc 3 - 3 hours

it is possible if either dc births had taken as long as dc 1 I would have ended up going down pain relief route again.

I was terrified of having to have an epidural or Caesarean. Births were all fine and straightforward. The first two were a bit longer and more managed than I’d have chosen but were still fine.
The second two were basically sneeze births, one was twenty minutes and the last one was three contractions.

I devoured birth stories when pregnant with my first. I really shouldn't have done as I wasn't reading them for the right reasons. I wanted reassurance that everything would go well but realised after having my first that nobody else's stories would be mine. Instead, you see read lots of stories which can be difficult in myriad ways:

• tales of very straightforward births which create aspiration but can cause disappointment if yours doesn't go that way.
• people referring to "horror" stories which just means anything which isn't text book and is not only dismissive, but sets up a narrative which you don't need of you need intervention or help in any way. It isn't "horror", it's personal experience.
• meaningless platitudes like "your body is meant to do this." A great theory but big heads and weird evolutionary quirks means some of us aren't made to do it and the mantra becomes a stick to beat yourself with.
• sweeping statements and generalisations.

The absolute best thing to do is talk to a trusted caregiver and consider what you do and don't want e.g. which drugs sound like something you'd consider, what would you do if xyz happened, where and how would you like to give birth in an ideal world (birthing suite, CS, home and so on), what will help you (water, music, touch, hands off, reassurance, praise, silence and on and on and on). You can only really think about what is right for you, unpicking what it is you actually fear and how you might mitigate that and having b, c, and d options for when you need them. And allow yourself to feel frightened for a short time. It's normal. You can then think about what it is you're frightened of and plan for how you will meet those specifics. If it's a general fear of the unknown, concrete answers from your team will help. Ask how long they generally let somebody labour, when and how they monitor, what options do they have for pain relief or support and so on. Then go and have a look at the hospital if that will help. Keep asking questions as they relate to you.

Good luck, however your baby gets here. They'll be so worth it.