To lie or not to lie

This is a great book to help you learn to deal with overthinking.

I disagree with the idea that baby is healthy and that’s all that matters. Your health (physical and mental) matters too, you having a trauma free delivery MATTERS. You have the birth that you need for you and the baby. Be proud of how you did that, don’t feel shame about it.

I also think that the lie would end up with you being more upset, not less. I imagine they will push you to say how amazing and fulfilling this vaginal birth was, if they're so convinced it's better. They may feel even more empowered to criticise c sections, now that you've joined their club. That's all going to make you feel unnecessarily rubbish. Don't put yourself through that.

I'm sorry that you're in the position where their rudeness - and intrusiveness - has made you feel like this would be the best solution. I'm not sure it'll actually work to lie - from how you've described it they'll ask a lot of follow-up questions that'll be hard to bluster through - do you really want to start having to make up and remember details of this supposed vaginal birth? Presumably you'd have to ask your partner to lie to his family too? Even if he's fine to, is he going to be able to keep the story straight?

I think you'd be better off with some firm, practised lines about how happy you are DC3 is here safely, how glad you are you followed all medical advice, and how boring it is to talk about the birth like this when there's a gorgeous new baby to behold.

I am so sorry you are having put up with the horrible people around you. I have had 3 c sections and have never had any reactions from anyone like that they were just happy I had a healthy baby.
Do you know why you feel shame and feel you have failed is it only because of the comments made by your family. What does you husband think about his mother and sister being like this to you he should be standing up for you and reading them the riot act.
They obviously know they upset you with their comments and carry on anyway.
If it was me I would be cutting them out completely until they can keep their awful comments to themselves.

Answer truthfully and then change the subject. If you know what they will say, think of some comebacks in advance. You're a grown woman, it's none of their business what choices you make and you don't have to explain yourself if you don't want to. Can your DH help fend them off? "We're just happy s/he is healthy" or something like that, and change of subject.

Tell them their comments are rude and inappropriate and that you are having a third section because of medical advice.

But it’s true. I worry endlessly about everything. But who are these people. Your doctors will tell you what is best. For you. And for your baby. Why does anyone else matter. Except those that say @cheekybunnywhat do you need? Can I help? Can I drive you anywhere? Help with wee ones? Let you sleep? Make a meal?

If they were of any importance and value in your life. They would know. Because they would be friends, wouldn’t care, and would notice.

as for anyone else who makes you even ask this, they have zero place in your life or head.

I am proud I adopted my girls, and I am proud I have another two. Sections are brutal. Brutal. And people are crazy.

I have had everything from

will you give the twins back now you have had a baby

so IVF failed, did you pay for a new treatment,

oh you wouldn’t know how hard it is with biological twins, yours will have been used to others.

I do not engage. People have smashed my mental health. Do not let that happen to you.

I have four beautiful girls. I could not give a shit how they got here, I care about

are they healthy
are they fed
are they managing at school
does everyone have shoes on
are teeth brushed
are we paying the bills
are my wonderful two friends ok
are we kind

do we need to check in on anyone else.

and that’s about it.