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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Anyone else grieving the vaginal births they did not have after electives

89 replies

pyrl2026 · 28/04/2026 18:46

Hey! First time poster 🙃 I just wondered if anyone can relate, I chose to give birth to my first son via planned c section as he was measuring big and there was a worry of shoulder dystocia. I had gallstones whilst pregnant (I had attacks every two weeks where I thought I was dying but told it was heartburn) subsequently had them taken out 3 months pp and then had sepsis 7 months pp.

Flash forward 3 years I chose to have another elective for DS2. It was a wonderful positive birth and I loved it but I can’t shake the feeling I made a mistake? I feel like I’m grieving a birth I never had, I’ve never felt a contraction but ultimately all is well so why am I crying everyday? I feel like I chose an elective section with no medical reason but ultimately it was down to health anxiety? I just feel like I can’t remember why I made the decision.

Rambled on a bit but curious if anyone can relate at all.

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 28/04/2026 21:47

Nope. I didnt want to be in agony for hours and end up witha shredded vagina and vulva. And incontinence. No regrets whatsoever.

EarlGreywithLemon · 28/04/2026 21:44

I had a vaginal birth that trashed my pelvic floor and took me months to recover from when in a basic way (being able to sit down properly!). I kept wondering if I should have had a C section! The grass always seems greener. The next two births were electives - much better for me.
As to never experiencing a contraction - the pain was horrific. Thank goodness for epidurals and modern medicine!

Ihaveaskedyouthrice · 28/04/2026 19:41

God no. 1 emergency CS and then 2 electives. Absolutely zero regrets(oh and I had contractions with my 1st pregnancy before it turned into an emergency CS, trust me you're not missing anything!!)

tsmainsqueeze · 28/04/2026 19:40

I've had 3 vaginal births , let me tell you there's nothing that feels very 'natural' about pushing a baby out of your vagina and other than a lovely baby the only 'pleasure ' in my vaginal births was the overwhelming sense of relief when it was all over.
As long as baby and mother are ok does it really matter which way they came out !
Congratulations and enjoy your baby.

Usernamedulychanged · 28/04/2026 19:37

If you’re someone who might potentially be at risk of shoulder dystocia , your c sections were a life saving medical miracle! Honestly don’t believe the hype about vaginal birth , it would very probably have been hell for you. I’m super happy and grateful for my emergency c sections which saved our lives,no regrets at all

Original poster
pyrl2026 · 28/04/2026 19:31

Lottie6712 · 28/04/2026 18:54

I had 2 vaginal births, though close to an emergency c section in the first one and sustained a lot of damage in the second. I think it's easy to focus on some ideal scenario with birth, but the most important thing is your children are here and you're all alive and well. I occasionally catch myself thinking of my second birth and wished I'd made more of a fuss with a midwife as wondering if that could have avoided some issues, but there's really no point cherry picking the past. Would it be worth exploring your feelings with a therapist? Also, might not be your case - but I know quite a few people who get themselves very upset about their birth as they read so many "perfect" stories on social media. Avoid at all costs! I found contractions just felt quite similar to period pains - and barely felt them with the first as I had an epidural pretty sharpish! I hope you can find some peace with your experience xxx

Thanks for this you’re right I think comparison is the root of some of it, we put such high expectations on ourselves. Appreciate the thoughtful reply

OP posts:
Original poster
pyrl2026 · 28/04/2026 19:30

Smartiepants79 · 28/04/2026 19:21

How long ago since the birth of your second baby? It’s seems rather extreme to be ‘crying everyday’ over this. It does suggest that this is not perhaps the root cause of why you’re so sad?

Only a month, I’m sure hormones are exaggerating my feeling and with time I’ll feel better, just hoping I wasn’t completely alone in this feeling really

OP posts:
Original poster
pyrl2026 · 28/04/2026 19:28

Thanks for this you’re right I think comparison is the root of some of it, we put such high expectations on ourselves. Appreciate the thoughtful reply xxx

OP posts:
caffelattetogo · 28/04/2026 19:26

Very grateful for my c sections and glad I didn’t try a vaginal birth - it was the best choice for me and my babies.

Bellabelloo · 28/04/2026 19:25

I am intrigued to know what it feels like…but not enough that I would do it differently if I had a time machine!

Smartiepants79 · 28/04/2026 19:23

And vaginal birth is extremely painful, undignified and trashes your body. In my experience!

Smartiepants79 · 28/04/2026 19:21

How long ago since the birth of your second baby? It’s seems rather extreme to be ‘crying everyday’ over this. It does suggest that this is not perhaps the root cause of why you’re so sad?

Mischance · 28/04/2026 19:17

Do not regret your decisions. I pushed out 3 babies vaginally and now keep Always pads in business cos my bladder is buggered.

Lottie6712 · 28/04/2026 18:54

I had 2 vaginal births, though close to an emergency c section in the first one and sustained a lot of damage in the second. I think it's easy to focus on some ideal scenario with birth, but the most important thing is your children are here and you're all alive and well. I occasionally catch myself thinking of my second birth and wished I'd made more of a fuss with a midwife as wondering if that could have avoided some issues, but there's really no point cherry picking the past. Would it be worth exploring your feelings with a therapist? Also, might not be your case - but I know quite a few people who get themselves very upset about their birth as they read so many "perfect" stories on social media. Avoid at all costs! I found contractions just felt quite similar to period pains - and barely felt them with the first as I had an epidural pretty sharpish! I hope you can find some peace with your experience xxx

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