Anyone else grieving the vaginal births they did not have after electives

Do you think any of the pressure you are putting on yourself is coming from reading online forums OP? I used to be on a babycentre board which was supportive pre birth, but could be quite sneering to anyone who didn't have a vaginal birth or bf or send kids to private school. It was only a small minority who were like this but they were very vocal.

I had a vaginal birth with DS8 and it was so awful, it put me off having another child. I still get pelvic pain even now. I understand you feel you’ve missed out, but in my experience it wasn’t pleasant at all!

I did have a shoulder dystotia birth and my DD very nearly died. I had 4th degree tears and a 2l blood loss that required a double transfusion.I was left fairly traumatised.

My next two babies were by c-section, with the first one being particularly healing. I am a big fan of elective c-sections.

I had 2 c sections. 1 due to breech but I had contractions and felt the need to push before the spinal block was put in. Was all a bit of a rush! 2nd was due to my waters breaking but no contractions after 3 days, I couldn’t be induced due to previous section so had a more relaxed section second time around. I do occasionally feel I missed experiencing a vaginal birth. But I don’t get too upset.

Nope. Mine were medically advised, so not really elective, but I don’t regret not having a vaginal birth (or a ‘proper birth’ as my DH’s ex so kindly put it). I wanted healthy babies, and this was what I got. I don’t care how they got here.

I spent years @pyrl2026 grieving the vagunal birth I never had with my babies. I had 5 sections in the end and it took me a long time to come to terms with never having given birth. The grief is real. Truly. But it will get better and eventually go. Promise.

I've had an elective CS and a vaginal birth. I found the CS much better. I was out of hospital in 48 hours and was able to bf successfully.

First birth was vaginal and was a nightmare. The second midwife i had was horrible. She disappeared for long periods and was unkind and sarcastic (but faked being supportive when doctors were in the room at the end) Post partum haemorrage, 3rd degree tear. I was in hospital for longer due to complications, was going mad from lack of sleep and couldn't fully bf, only mixed feed which I had to give up on after a few weeks. Like others my pelvic floor isn't good

Hence why I said ‘in my experience’…..
and I think if you read you’ll find many women on this forum that have similar and actually much worse experiences than me.
I’m very glad that your birth experiences were so positive and that your body remains unscathed. Perhaps it would be nice not to be quite so dismissive of others experiences.

I second all the posters who say vaginal deliveries all the complications are hard. I’m a take a break story. Gave birth on my own to a ten pound baby while the dad nipped out for pizza. Might sound like a superhero, but my prolapses disagree. I’d have your story over mine any day of the week! Enjoy your baby, hopefully sans prolapse! God bless medicine!

I get it o/p.

i did all the visualising, positive thinking, hypnobirthing stuff. I was going to have a calm, easy labour. I’m strong and fit, my body could do this! I even asked for a home birth I was that confident.

it all went to rat shit and I ended up with an emcs which did save my baby’s life. However I did grieve that wonderful, positive birthing experience I was going to have.

however many years later and I don’t regret it at all and all those feelings are gone. I didn’t think they would, but I really couldn’t care less now.

it will get better. My only advice is to ignore the “I had an easy birth all because I thought positively” crowd. That’s bollocks.

Definitely not

DC2 was elective after DC1 was an emergency section. Went through full labour for practically 24 hours first and several hours of pushing to then need a section anyway, honestly you’re not missing anything with labour, horrible period pain basically, I threw up a lot and it was just a miserable experience.

DC2 elective section, much more chilled experience all round, recovery much easier. Don’t regret that for a moment.

My kids are 8 and 10 now and I barely ever think about their births. A month is so new and your hormones are wild. You made the best medical decision for you and your baby and that’s all that matters.

I think what you're grieving is a vaginal birth which progresses quickly, where you find you're managing the pain better than expected, and whether your pop out your baby whilst doing deep breathing in a pool. Then are home within 6 hours with a mildly sore undercarriage, but otherwise all fine. You're grieving the fantasy birth. But almost no one gets that, especially for a first vaginal birth

What you missed out on was many hours or even days of agony, a chance of having baby yanked out by forceps or ventose. Almost certain tearing or having your vulva cut open, possibly without any anaesthetic, having it stitched up, again possibly without anesthetic, and potential lifelong implications for continence. Ok, it's not that bad for everyone, but most people look back on their births as things they endured, not an experience they truly enjoyed (save for meeting their baby, which you do either way).

I had two wonderful planned sections, but I had started contractions before having my first. I could tell they were staying to ramp up, and having the section was a relief, because it really wasn't pleasant even in the early stages.

Congratulations on your baby.

I’ve had two c-sections, first one an emergency. You never know what type of birth journey you are going to have. Advantages and disadvantages to both options with very rarely the perfect experience. Best to try and make peace with the fact your children arrived safely.

Honestly? I would pick CS over VB any day of the week. Yes, it's major surgery. Yes, it's a longer recovery - but it's also predictable, controlled, and I would much rather an abdominal wound that heals a bit slower, than a ripped vagina and a bladder that leaks pee when I laugh. Not to mention the agony of the actual birth. Everyone's different with what they want, but no birth should be seen as lesser than another. The actual delivery isn't what's important. You've grown a baby, you're going to raise a baby, getting the baby out into the world absolutely isn't the most important moment.

Calm down. No need to be unkind. “Get a grip”? The OP is 1 month post partum and simply expressing on a forum designed for mothers how she is feeling post birth. No need to comment if you have nothing helpful to say

Ugh no. I had two vaginal deliveries that everyone told me were brilliant and I was so lucky because they were fast and required no intervention and no pain relief. The reality was I felt absolutely ravaged by them, tore, got infections both times and felt like my body went into shock. I couldn’t even hold my second baby because I was so traumatised by the pain and force of the labour. I’ve felt jealousy when women talk about having planned c sections and how calm they were.

Aah there you go. Bastard hormones!!

I had a CS 16 years ago with twins and honestly now, I could give precisely zero fucks that it wasn’t a vaginal birth.

Any kind of childbirth takes its toll on your body, but I’m relieved to have escaped the risk of some of the horror stories that come with a vaginal birth.

You grew humans inside you, what an incredible thing to do!! Congratulations on your latest arrival - please don’t dwell on what might have been done differently. Comparison is always the thief of joy.

And if you do find you are feeling a bit consistently weepy or low, please talk to your midwife or GP. Post-natal depression can creep up when you least expect it!

Take care of yourself, you’ve just done something amazing 💐

I had 2 emergency sections, they’re 24 and 20 now. I never give how they arrived into the world a moments thought, why would I. It has been a very long time since anyone cared, lol

As they grow you’ll be too busy and too in love with them to think it matters.

I had an emcs after 60 hours of induced labour, I felt for years that my body let me down because it couldn't do the one thing it was intended to do. It contributed to the horrific pnd I suffered & I will always regret that I have never experienced a vaginal birth.

i did for years and years but i was fortunate to be invited to my dd's vaginal delivery which was the most beautiful delivery ever and it's fully relieved me of my own disappointment.
weird but true.

Emergency CS, vaginal, elective CS.

Hell no to grieving, wish the vaginal had been a cs tbh, it was brutal.

Nope. 2 C Sections and never think about it.

A vaginal birth is natural and normal nothing about it is undignified that’s just your experience perhaps. I have had two and my body is fine.

OP you did what you felt was right for you and your babies so well done.

PS that gallbladder being diagnosed as heartburn is absolutely ridiculous and scary. You ought to put in a complaint against the dr because their misdiagnosis is probably what caused your sepsis.

Not in the slightest. I was just relieved to have a healthy baby and come out relatively unscathed myself!

I had an elective c-section on medical advice. I survived and so did my v premature twins. Preeclampsia from week 17. Thank goodness we aren’t dreamy eyed about natural births.