Best advice for new mums

Honestly, don’t overthink it, follow your instincts and to a certain extent, wing it.

I hate anything to do with an app connected to baby raising. Just don’t get it.

Don’t start off with stuff like white noise, special night lights, pram rockers etc. Obviously if you’re in the trenches and struggling to get them to sleep and you introduce something that works then that’s great, but don’t plan to use all that from the start.

Don’t over stress about temperature of room and how many layers, and togs etc. You’ll get to know your baby and will know when they’re too hot or cold.

I think the rise of social media etc is a powerful tool for shared experiences of motherhood and feeling like you’re not alone. But I also think it’s an absolute recipe for comparison and total overthinking of everything to do with babies.

Don't bother arguing with advice. Nod, smile and then go with your own instincts. When in doubt, listen to a qualified doctor - ie someone with at least 7 years medical training. You know your baby better than anyone else.

I think it probably depends upon the circumstances of the birth, but it's advice I was given too late.

The best advice I ever recieved was from a lovely health visitor. She said you don't have to be perfect, you don't have to be amazing, you don't even have to be good, you just need to be good enough. It got me through the harder days.

I'd say don't make your life difficult by worrying about the future, when it comes to sleep - for example, spending hours in a dark room trying to make your baby nap in their cot. They will at some point, and if they don't, it doesn't matter. If it works to get the most sleep, just do it.

For most people this is really unsuitable and hugely increases the risk of prolapse as it's adding extra pressure on an already weak pelvic floor.

I’d also say “sleep when baby sleeps” isn’t a bad shout really. But by that I mean, in the early days, your house will be a mess, the dinner will be late, the laundry will pile up, you won’t be up for constant visits. Let all of that go. Nobody cares and you need to also take care of you. If that means napping on a pile of washing then do it. If it means taking a long shower or bath, then do it. (Although the laws of science say when a body is submerged in water the baby will cry. 😆) All of the house stuff will get done eventually, preferably by someone else, you are allowed to live like a slob with a newborn!

The best advice I got for newborn was, “up, feed, play, down” in 45 minute cycles. Any more than that and they are expending more energy than they are taking with feeds. Get into a routine and be diligent with naps right from the get go. Mostly if you are wondering what’s wrong with a newborn, they are tired!

I came here to say exactly this! The minute I started to trust myself and my gut instinct I became a real mother.

See, this didn't work for my babies at all. They both slept happily in a cot from birth. When we tried bed sharing nobody got any sleep! I have friends with total velcro babies who really needed to bed share. It's not the same for everyone.

The best advice is probably that all babies are different, you can't be prepared so just be flexible and do what works as long as it's not flagrantly unsafe.

After the birth, use a girdle/waist trainer/whatever you want to call it. Control belt thing that goes around your belly. Particularly if you had a C-section.

Yes thank you for your kind comments, we live and learn and and he's now 21 and doing great!

Definitely a personal thing! I currently have 2 under 2, both very different babies, very different experiences, my main advice knowing everything I know now would be:

• Tell the truth when somebody asks you how you’re doing, or if you need anything. The “I’m fine” almost falls automatically from your tongue when someone asks and actually people do want to help you, accept the help, tell the truth!
• Batch cook meals in the last few weeks of pregnancies and pop in the freezer so that you have good home cooked hearty meals with minimal effort postpartum.
• Snacks. More than you think 50 men locked in a cupboard for 10 days would need. Double it. Sweet, savoury, hot, cold- get them all.
• Face masks in the fridge- makes you feel less tired and a bit more fresh!
• Don’t stress too much. You honestly don’t need to know how many wee’s your baby has a day, exactly how many seconds and minutes they breastfed for, exactly how many ml of formula they drank, how many minutes and seconds they slept for/were awake for. Trust your gut!

Only one piece of advice I was given I still remember. Paper knickers are your best friend.

@HattiesBag
I'd say to trust your instincts, to listen to advice but to make the decisions that sit right with you. Also, remember that Everything is a phase.

I think we tend to over complicate things and we're biologically primed to be mums, so should go with our feelings. We know our baby best.
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This is what I wish I had been told. I was on my own in a hostel, no mum or friends or family around and deeply insecure. I read every book and had everything planned out about baby routines before the birth. When my son came and he didn't fit into the schedules prescribed by Gina Ford etc I lost even more confidence instead of trusting my gut. Looking back I was happy breast feeing on demand and co sleeping and being pretty much baby led but I tied myself in knots to follow her advice and when it didn't work I went to a different book disappointed in myself.

I wish someone had sat me down and said you know your baby the best, he's putting weight on, your breast feeding without problems etc why are you forcing yourself to follow the advice of someone in a book - make your own rules.

Oh the only other thing I'd say is that remember that babies are humans and might just be grumpy. Once I'd checked if they were hot/cold/hungry/clean etc I expected my first born to be chilled. And wondered wtf was going on if he wasn't. With my second I was much better at just thinking she might be getting ill or she's stressed and not to worry. Kept me calm which calmed her.

Don’t spend too much on baby clothes. One or two cute outfits but mostly baby grows.

Nobody ever asks an adult or a child if you were breast fed or bottle fed, if you sucked a dummy or for how long, if you had homemade snacks or shop bought, if you wore a sleep suit all day or if you were dressed in proper clothes from day 1, if you co-slept or not. In the grand scheme of things as long as you feed your baby, have clean (probably stained) clothes, give your baby a warm and safe place to sleep and love your baby nothing else matters. New mums get so caught up on all that stuff and if I had my time again I would want to have the knowledge that it doesn’t matter.

The little overlap on the vests shoulders are designed to go down so you don’t need to get poo in their hair!

Trust your instincts.
There isn’t a medical professional, mother of 7 or MIL alive that knows your baby better than you do.
Everything else is personal.
Ask for help. Ask people to piss off. Ask them to come round. Trust yourself.
I don’t know a single parent that has got it all right every single day. We’ve all struggled.