Why would you bring up a pregnant woman’s baby maybe dying?

Great, let's see if we can upset her some more !

I was chilled out and not superstitious at all but PIL and DM did say about not having baby stuff in the house. As they were both buying us nice things I had no objection to their hanging on to them if they wanted to.

I didn't bother with that myself and bought a few things and later on a friend very kindly threw a baby shower for me.

Try not to worry, OP. It was thoughtless of that person to tell you that story. By far the vast majority of births these days end with a baby safely delivered.

I think some people simply can't help but be really negative, even when they try to be encouraging they still come out with really negative things. I don't know what makes them this way or if there has been any academic research into this behaviour but it's definitely a thing.

I remember with my babies,my mother held onto the pram/buggy until they where born

I didn't give it a thought until I had my last baby and for some reason,she couldn't store the buggy so I said to just sling the box in the corner of my bedroom

Cue massive meltdown

(my mother is a full on narc who had to control everything-and she focused on the pram-other baby bits where fine but she did,very sadly,lose 3 babies before she had me-ill never know how much was narc behaviour and how much was genuine fear)

Roll onto the birth and the cord was wrapped round babies neck and she almost died

Cue much crowing about how having the buggy at home caused it and how selfish I am for not caring about my babies health

She got told to shut her trap but even now,17 years on,she still brings it up apparently

Op I had this with my pregnancies, sadly my mum lost two babies so when I was busy buying stuff for my baby my dad and my aunt were very superstitious and often told me not to buy the pram, cot etc before baby arrives

My mother in law did exactly the same except she didn't know about my mum so it was just her old fashioned views
Funnily enough my mum bought me loads of baby stuff whilst I was pregnant and never once mentioned what happened to her..it was always other people

Gosh, I frequently tell them they’re being ridiculous!

OP, this has about as much validity as not stepping on cracks in the road, blowing kisses at two magpies, not saying ‘Macbeth’ in a theatre, knocking on wood, throwing spilled salt over your left shoulder etc etc. I wouldn’t give it another thought.

@Littleluv this is what I was referring to - where you said it had been “put in your head that your baby will die”

Read what?

@Littleluv will die or could die? There is a really important difference.

I think your reaction is particularly sensitive but also relative was slightly insensitive to mention it.

Nearly every woman in my family for the past 3 generations has lost their first baby- either full term stillbirth or died within a couple of weeks. All for different very random, non- genetic reasons. So in my family things are discussed and if someone wanted to be superstitious I'd think it was for their own reasons.

It's literally just me and one Aunt who had healthy firstborns.

@Littleluv it really wouldn't. You would be devastated whatever. Anyway, she's the weirdo and I very much hope all will go well for you. Enjoy getting everything ready for your new baby.

I think it stems from a time when there were more pregnancy losses and stillbirths. My mum said something similar to me 23 years ago when I bought a pram - she asked whether I’d be able to get my money back “if something, er, went wrong“. Took me a while to work out what she meant.

Not wanting loads of baby stuff around before the birth is a fairly common thing where I grew up. I think most people probably sadly know someone who have suffered a tragedy where they haven’t brought their baby home.

I wouldn’t ram it home with a pregnant woman though - it does sound like she did it insensitively.

But also you will be super hormonal right now - try not to let it get to you. Your lovely baby will be here soon.

They sound like an idiot. Why on earth would they try and scare you like that? Firstly, bad things don't happen because you bought a cot into the house. Secondly, do they really think that people who do experience loses or stillbirth wouldn't feel quite as upset or get over it a bit easier because they didn't buy anything yet?

She was insensitive and YANBU to be upset.

I think though, to give this person a bit of grace, if they are from an older generation they might just view things differently. Miscarriages and still births weren’t discussed so presumably not having the stuff in your house made it easier to keep up appearances and pretend it never happened to the outside world, as people were encouraged to do.

My grandmother lost a baby in the hospital 48 hours after she was born. She was buried in a private ceremony at the hospital chapel and promptly never discussed again - I was 25 before I knew she had been pregnant and did not find out she had had a short life until my grandmother died.

All of this to say, she was thoughtless but she probably didn’t mean to be unkind.

Congratulations on your baby op

My MIL said something similar. I think it was something along the lines of 'I can't help but worry. If i knew what I knew now about vaginal births I wouldn't have had one'. Wasn't what I wanted to hear. Fortunately I went on to have a very easy and quick delivery with my son - 4 hours labour which I didn't find awful at all, just gas and air needed to get me through pushing.. loved the experience tbh!

Yup not nice and clearly thoughtless. Yea it can happen but it doesn’t mean it will happen to you.

Breathe, put the comment in a WTAF box and move on.

I get emotions are high and being pregnant contributes to that but every pregnancy is different and I’m sure you will be fine.

I was absolutely terrified for the whole of my pregnancy after miscarriage / IVF / miscarriage / more IVF. If anyone has said that to me I would have been absolutely devastated.

Some people are just so hard of thinking that they open their mouth and say whatever they like, regardless of whether it is inappropriate/ unkind / unnecessary.

I'm not surprised this has upset you. Do contact a midwife for some reassurance if you need to. x

There are plenty of Mumsnetters who believe in all sorts of rubbish paranormal stuff, and we're not allowed to tell them they are being ridiculous. This is exactly the same. She believes this bonkers thing and is worried about it.