So what do I do about looking after dd when I am in labour?

If DS is at nursery Mum/MIL may be able to pick him up straight from there. But due date is Sunday and nursery is Tues-Thurs.

I've thought about this already and got a plan. I have two neighbours who have offered help. One will be nearing the end of her maternity leave so will have DS's bosom buddy and a five month old and the other works only two afternoon/evenings a week with a nearly one year old. My MIL is 1 hour away and my Mum 1.5 hours away. So I will ask one of the neighbour's to take DS and then ring either Mum or MIL to collect DS from there. If it is evening/nighttime I think I will let DS stay over the night with my neighbour and then be collected in the morning if necessary.

Thank you for all the advice and the stories Like hmc it looks like I'm going to just have to gather some courage and start asking around

having delivered 2nd dd in April, I would advise that you make the whole process as predictable as possible (with added plan b, c etc) so your first child has at least an idea of what's happening. Because I was nearly 2 weeks over dates and had a previous c/s I was due to be induced on a day my dd was in nursery and we told her the baby would be born that day. we arranged for a friend with a toddler a similar age (& a younger sibling - the mum didn't mind, honest!)_to pick up our dd and rather than dh pick her up after dd2 was born (around 3pm, but c/s under a general anaesthetic so I wasn't really with it for hours..) dd1 stayed over for the night & dh picked her up in the morning, ready for nursery and they both came over to see me & dd2 that evening. good luck and don't forget the plan b (we had another friend on standby..all our relatives happened to be away on holiday as it was over easter)

Georgina, I too had a home birth but didn't want my dd around - and in fact she'd have come home from her childminder and needed bathing and putting to bed and of course wouldn't have gone and would have got very perplexed by the whole thing, doesn't bear thinking about; I too asked various friends, and also checked with her childminder to see if she could stay overnight there if I went into labour during the week and not when CM was on holiday (which was happening, er, on my due date). So in the event it worked out quite smoothly - I went into labour early, dd1 stayed overnight and came back the next morning to meet her new sister.

But boy was I worried about it in advance. Nearly bopped the midwife when she told me to relax and stop fretting in my last precious days of pregnancy

hmc do you live near Winchester? My mum might be able to help if you do!

ghosty rofl at your dh telling you to get a grip. sari, wish i'd known you then at least you might have had an emergency standby if your mum's car had broken down! just watched body shock on channel 4 and glad i found this thread to make me laugh!

This thread is making me smile and also is ringing some bells for me!!!
My parents and family live 12000 miles away ... um, that is a 24 - 36 hour journey involving 2 long haul flights ...
Judging by my last labour my parents could be with me on time but obviously that ain't gonna happen!!
I have been in NZ for 19 months so I don't have the hugest circle of friends but I have a couple of friends who I see a lot of and an incredibly lovely neighbour.
So ... I just went ahead and asked them ... I thought that they could easily say 'no' if they wanted to ....
I have put them all on standby ... depending on what day of the week and time of day I go into labour (ie ... neighbour if in the middle of the night, teetotal friend if at the weekend etc)
Nearer the time (7 weeks to go) I will get them all together for coffee and they can all exchange phone numbers so that DS can be handed over if it turns out that DH is in for a long haul for me.

HMC and all who have this dilemma ... I just think you should think about who you know, who you like, who your child gets on with and ask ... they can only say no. All my friends have children ... I don't see why that should be a problem - in fact it is a bonus as your child will have an adventure ...

I looked after my friend's little boy when she had her baby (she is one of the ones on the list) and her DS was really excited about my DS staying the night with him and staying with him all day ... we had a lovely time and it was the very first time my friend had EVER left her DS with anyone ... he was FINE and not traumatised at all!!!!

LOL at your mum Futurity ... when I first got pregnant and thought about this dilemma I said to DH that perhaps he should look after DS and I should do it on my own - He looked at me as if I was mad and told me to get a grip

So ... what I am saying is that while I understand your dilemma (as I am in the same boat) I wouldn't worry about it ... most people would be happy to help and I am sure would be touched that you trusted them enough to ask ...

HTH ...

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I had this with ds2. I arranged for my aunt and my best friend (who had a child ds1's age) to be on standby. BF had her mobile on all the time. In the end it was an elective section so MIL came over.

I can, but it worries me that if there's an emergency and I do have to be rushed to hospital that I'd have to go on my own, leaving dh behind to look after ds I think that would actually be rather scary. Also, I have this fear that I'll be really loud and ds will wake up and be terrified!!

You're right though, I'm probably worrying about nothing!

Georgina - if the baby comes at night, can't you just let your ds sleep through if you're planning a home birth anyway?

Of course, after 2.5 hours I might be desperate for the drugs anyway....

LIZS - she's about 2.5 hours in the opposite direction unfortunately! And she has two kids of her own, so it could potentially be very difficult to come and pick ds up (not least due to the carseat issue - I'm not sure their car is big enough for three carseats if her dh isn't about!)

I think I'm just going to have to hope that things don't progress overly fast and that MIL & FIL can get here in time, and maybe considering a low-tech hospital birth if at night and carrying on with the plan of a home birth if Baby X decides to conveniently arrive in daylight hours

I worried about this too, in fact worried more about this than the birth itself. In the end i asked a few friends and neighbours who all were fine and glad to help (as i think most people would as it's a one off situation). I made a list of telephone numbers to go on the fridge with an idea of ds1's routine. This worked well, in the end a friend was round in the afternoon that i went into labour. As ds1 was ill she took me to hospital whilst dh stayed at home until my parents could get to our house. In the end my friend and dh were with me when i gave birth and it all worked out fine.

... and if necessary I said to dh to stay with the children and leave me - however, this was the 4th child, and I knew it wouldn't take long, so I was probably a bit blase compared to some.

I had various friends on standby but in the end things were happening too quickly to get my children to them so we brought them into hospital. They sat in a waiting room at the hospital being entertained by the TV and checked on every now and then by midwives and dh ...

Georgina A,
How far away is your SIL ? Could she come and get your ds (at a half-civilised hour if you start at night) and then your MIL and FIL could go straight there and come over when phoned ?

hmc,
I had my mum around for at least a fortnight before dd arrived, just in case (she was 10 days late). You can't legislate for every eventuality so it would be worth having someone on standby anyway in case of emergency. Is there anyone who you would be prepared to do the same for ?

I have been wondering about this as my parents ..well my Mum..refuses to look after DS when I come to have other baby. They plan to be away next October/November so when I mentioned that that was the time I was hoping to have baby my mum said "Good..we will be away then" (I kid you not!!). DH's parents live nearby and would do it but are already flapping about it..I am not even pregnant yet! Oh..and my Mum also said that my priority should be DS and not me and that I should have the baby on my own without DH there..hmmm!

I was really worried about this one. We moved a year ago and I got pregnant a few weeks after, so everyone I knew I hadn't known for long and I was really worried about asking. People very kindly offered to help, several for the day shift and a couple for the night shift. In the end at 38 weeks I had a blood pressure scare so my Mum kindly agreed to come down. DH picked her up from the station (Salisbury!) one evening then the next night I conveniently went into labour.

(Incidentally, dd was homebirth, and my friend just took ds out for the morning).

I would ask a range of friends, because then hopefully one will be about. Could you ask a neighbour if they would be willing to come and sleep in your house if you went into labour at night time. Then the little one needn't be disturbed.

I wouldn't worry about asking friends who have babies or children - they will probably be only too happy, and it can be a quid pro quo situation. The friend who looked after ds when dd was born was also looking after 3 of her own, and they had a fab time!

Good luck!

hmc i am in salisbury!