This is what I don't understand.

But surely, at some point, names that are deemed fairly commonplace now - like Grace, Jack, Phoebe etc, did seem way out 20 years ago and who's to say that the names people are mulling over to see if they are brave enough, aren't going to be those names of the future?

That's it , MrsWoolf - sometimes you don't hear something, can't see it (like you can never spot your own typos!) and other people's opinions are great for that - especially if you're not related to the people you're asking, or, even better, they're complete strangers as generally it's impartial.

One thing that I think would be beneficial when posting is to put surnames up - for instance - my DH suggested Pheobe to me today (not my taste, but I like to encourage him to make some sugestions!). Fine, except it is utterly ridiculous with our surname -he just hadn't said the two together. But surnames will rarely be posted - and that's understandable.

The only boy I can think of (off the top of my head) who was bullied at school was called John.

There were a few children with unusual names (e.g. Jezra, Alaric) who weren't bullied at all.

As others have said, it's great to able to sense-check names on MN, in case pg hormones are messing with your mind or in case others spot a problem/connotation with a name that you haven't.

Likewise, sometimes you can err too much on the side of caution but when 80% of posters say that they like the name and only 20% don't then it could give you the confidence to go for something that you otherwise wouldn't have chosen.

And far better to ask MNetters than family members with an agenda!

'comments', obviously.

seeker - do you think that what you said did't make me see red? Or perhaps many other people? Why do you not think that when you were saying that (I'm paraphrasing again) that it's irresponsible and bizarre to want to give your children unusual names in case they get picked on that that's not disparaginng and insulting? I doubt I'm the only one who felt like that. Why can you not see that what you said is equally inflammatory?

And for the record - I don't actually happen to think that naming your child something popular would make them into a clone - it was for the purpose of the argument - to counter your stance. I wouldn't personally choose to name my child something that was in the top 20 - but I respect other people's right to and wouldn't criticise it.

And I never said we should never post on the same thread, just I'd rather you didn't post on one I'd started if I was looking for opinions. You've made that bit up.

For what it's worth, I apologise for the offense my posts and commets have caused you.

seeker - you keep saying that I stated you said 'all children with unusual names will be bullied' - the bit you copied and pasted does not say that.

I did not deny your personal experience at all. You are making that up.

As I said - and you know it - I had read another thread and was paraphrasing what someone else said. But I cannot see how me using that to emphasise my point, is ANY different to you saying that children 'run the risk of being picked on' because they have an unusual name. Neither is fact, both are opinion.

And if I'm one of the only people to challenge you personally on this - why not also include the other person, too?

Ultimately, I think you took exception to my first comment where I said,

'I've been 'told off' by you, seeker for my name ideas on previous posts, and (in the nicest possible way, I promise) your opinion doesn't bother me all that much, because you are a random stranger I'm never going to meet.'

And I think you've been trying to prove a point ever since.

Well, I'm not going to let you bother me any more. I shall continue with this thread as I find it interesting, but I'm so bored with your comments which are directed at me.

If I do start a new thread, asking for opinions on names, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't post. I don't particularly value your opinion - and as someone else posted on here, you are extremely biased against what you consider to be unusual names and your opinion can't really be valued because of that.

my DD has 2 Graces in her class..

I think you're right, too gorionine and archstanton - often the best names are names that are classic (but I bet they were at least in the top 10 4 or 5 decades ago) - they never really date - they're sort of timeless. I think the names John and Mary are good examples.

I love Mary but couldn't have it with one of our other name choices - and I can't think of another that I know under 60. John's not a name I particularly like - though there is nothing wrong with it - it's a bit of an overused family name (and many of its derivations) but I have seen a real increase in its usage in the last year - so, in this region at least, I predict that it might end up being the male version of Grace. But yes - 'unusual' as in 'under-used' is always good.

good point archstanton, I think names do evolve alongside society and fashion. Just see the amount of threads asking for grandparents name as inspiration to have "unusual" first names, it is at the same a bid to have classic name AND unusual one even though name not that unusual IYSWYM.

At my DC's school there's a brother and sister called John and Mary.

Now the school goes from 4-18 so a few thousand kids yet they are the only John and Mary in the entire school.

So maybe John and Mary are the ultimate unusual names.

So you do agree that you are only directing your comments at men then?

Please 'copy and paste' (I know you want to) the bit where I state that you said all children with unusual names will be bullied.

Other people have said similar things - I repeat, there are many people who have said the same thing.

But once again, I notice that you fail to address many of the other points raised. Why?

"but the everyday picking on people, and the expectation that this would probably be a part of a child's school experience from age 4 on"

This is not my experience of British schools either. I do worry that one school near me needs to crack down on the "ginger2 thing, but there is no such issue in my DCs school (although less red haired children for some reason). American schools have very different hierarchies, and a different kind of bullying, but there is still bullying (that is what my US friends would say).

I gave my kids fairly normal names, because they were the ones we liked. In fact for DD2 we gave her a name we knew was too popular, because we couldn't think of another we liked. I don't think names particularly get kids teased. Although I always smile at the virtue ones, as I am a believer in Murphy's law (so Hope turning out depressive etc.).

being teased unmercifully is one of the 'elements' of bullying...

I am not misquoting you seeker, just using alternative words (for example, you seem to think that the term 'tease unmercifully' is so different to the term 'bullying' - in my opinion it's the same and you are merely being pedantic to prove some kind of point). I prefer not to copy and paste - like you seem so fond of doing.

I don't understand why you don't direct your attentions to the other people who disagree with you - some posters have raised some really good and valid points which probably deserve a response from you - but you seem not to want to address anything that's been raised. Why is that?

Why not stick to your thread rather than only directing your comments at me?

If there is nobullying in US Schools I am totally confused at teh bullying evidence used inc ases such as school shootings are the like; are we saying the investifating officers were wrong then?

kids are apck animals; they bully. if you are in the upper echelons of the pecking order you might not notice it but it happens.

I agree that a baby name thread could be a precaution against hormonally challenged mothers-to-be not realising the implications of their chosen name.

When DS was born, the mum in the next bed, whose name was Weall had a boy called Christopher. When her mum asked her what she would have called a girl, she said 'Catherine' and was amazed when her mum said 'good job it wasn't a girl then!' - the combination of first & surname simply hadn't registered.

But then people starting baby name threads rarely give their surnames anyway, so maybe it wouldn't help....

By sophiesmummie Sun 04-Jul-10 16:29:17
"In my experience children do not get teased for having a less usual name. Children do not even know what names are popular and which ones aren't. They also don't care about whether a name is 'posh' or 'chav', or whether a name is foreign. And that is good! It seems that some of us adults have issues with anything less than usual - I can only hope that these parents don't pass on their prejudices to their children.

And if a child becomes targets for teasers/bullies then he/she will be teased regardless of her name, because almost ANY name can be made fun of with a bit of imagination."

I agree with you my name was very common where I was born but one day someone discoverd it rhymed with "banana". If you look hard enough I am sure every single name has something that rhymes with it and could potentially be used to tease.

I think we (adults) are the ones with the prejudice. Parent give a name to their children that to them is beautiful. I am sure that sometimes things get overlooked and it can result in unfortunate names (Ben Dover...) But, not every unusual will be be teased. We live in a world were people have parents from differents backgrounds, nationalities, cultures and it does transpire into the children names. It is something beautiful IMHO.

My Dcs all have unusual foreign names, sometimes they get mispronounced but it has never been meant to cause offence. They have so far never been teased for their names. DD1 starts high school this September, we will see how it goes but so far so good.

If you also think about people like myself who are expats from other countries, should we change our names to blend better or ovoid teasing? That is not really an option is it?

I think like another poster said, teasing happens because we let it happen. I do not think a more usual name is a panacea against teasing/bullying.

Oh seeker - I do understand - I just happen to disagree with you, as do many, many, many people on this thread. But please feel free to take issue with what they've said, too - really, I don't mind.

A lot depends on how the child views the name. I had a surname that lent itself to strange nicknames when I was a child, but it was unusual- I never met another, and it didn't bother me. A child can only be bothered by teasing if it upsets them.
Having said that I wouldn't deliberately put a child in the position of being an oddity.

(I was surprised by the idea that there was no bullying in US schools! I had the idea that to get on you had to be good looking and sporty, with a very definite 'pecking' order.A tall thin blonde with dazzlingly white, straight teeth is going to have a much better time than a fat, spotty one with a strange name.)