If your not married do you mind having a different surname...

I am in the diff situation of being divorced but i kept the name as ai wanted to have the same name as my daughter and it would be too difficult at work. Im now in a new relationship and pregnant. Can't give the new baby my name/ex's family name so will have to be DP name. This means i will have a diff name. Also plan to marry DP next year or there abouts but dont want my DD to be the only one with a diff name. She is very close to her dad so changing is not an option. Just need to accept as a name is just a label not a determinator.

When I had DS1 I was not married to my now DH. I insisted that ds had my last name and put dhs last name as a middle name. When we got married I had my sons birth certificate altered so we all had the same last name (DHs). If we hadn't ever married then I would have wanted my children to have my name. PIL were not happy (esp as I didn't give ds ancestral middle name either) but I take the view that they named their own child, they don't get to name mine.
I think a sensible approach is to decide which last name you like best and go with that for dc. If I had married my dh and not liked his name, then I would have kept mine AND given my name to the dc. Do not think dc should automatically get mans name - it is very sexist. Dhs mum comes from Denmark and there it is quite common for dc with same parents to have different last names or to just have mums name. They seem to pick what they like best.

In our family, I am Myname, he is Hisname and the children are Myname-Hisname. Problem solved.

Don't understand why anywone would mind - sorry.

But also don't understand why it is assumed by so many that the children will take their father's name.

Why not just hyphenate?

I am not married and gave my child has my surname not dp's - he is her father and we have been together forever but never had any plans to marry. I am amazed that mothers who are unmarried so often give the child the father's name!

I am not married to DP and my DS's both have his name. I have travelled abroad frequently and never once encountered a problem.

It doesn't bother me or them in the slightest that we have a different name. They are fully aware that t last name is different but I think they probably think that is what's normal!

More often than not when I have to phone DS's pre-school or similar I tnd to say "It's X's mum here" and find that when you deal with school/health professionals etc they just refer to you as 'Mum' anyway.

Is just not an issue these days...

DD had my surname and DS has DP's- I felt more comfortable when DD had mine, than now.The only reason for this is that I'm not entirely convinced I'll stay with DP so frankly I envisage problems in the future. I wouldn't have a problem with it if I were sure we'd stay together. But I also wouldn't change my surname to DP's unless we actually got married because again I'm not sure we'll be together and that would be just weird to split up but still have his name.

I am a bit of a globe-trotter in nature and I mostly worry that I will have serious problems travelling with DS in certain countries if I am on my own as we have different surnames.

My DS has a different surname to me because I'm divorced from his father and re-married. I intended to keep my maiden name on re-marriage but my husband pointed out that especially when we had children we'd have 3 surnames in the house, which would be messy. He absolutely wasn't going to change his surname, although he would have supported me keeping my maiden name but any children we had he would have been very upset for them not to have had his surname.

I dislike it. I hate people assuming I'm Mrs "first married name", when they know my DS's surname, as my ex was abusive and it would be nice not to have to have a connection to him. I also strongly object (although I understand it) to the fact that I may have difficulties in taking my own child abroad because we have different surnames (I've not yet travelled on a passport in my new name with my son, so we will see).

It makes me feel in a way that my DS is separate from our family even though he's being raised by my "new" husband and I know he feels the same.

This is a different situation to where an unmarried couple have different surnames as there's a lot of unhappy history around it. If it was the case that I'd had a child to a man I wasn't married to, my main concern would be the travelling abroad difficulty.

I'm married but have chosen to keep my maiden name. The children have DH's surname. It doesn't bother me at all having a different name from my children. I am proud of my own name.
Why does it bother you to have a different surname? Have you had problems with school or other organisations?
I am just interested as I don't feel the same way.

My DD had my surname until we married when we both changed. I wanted the same name as my baby.

mama2moo - 'cos it's my name and I am proud of it. I have also spent many years building a career and because it is so distincitive, it is easy for people to "find" me - even old school friends from NZ from over 30 years ago!

It is also too strange to double-barrel, which would have been the only other option we wold have considered - combined with dh's name, we would have sounded like we were suffering from some sort of disease!

My kids have my OH's surname and they ask me sometimes why my name is different, but it doesnt bother me in the slightest

get him to change his name if he's so keen

I am married, but still use my Maiden name. DH wants me to change it now we are going to have a baby. I am still umming and Ahhing. I don't really see the point.

It would bother me to have a different surname to my children - I'm not married and my baby will have my surname.

Luckily DP isn't bothered so it wasn't an issue for us.

im not married and this never bothered me ... until recently. my ds has taken to calling me "mummy surname" a la a pegga pig:"mummy pi-ig". i repeatedly remind him of my own surname and that im not x.

has got me thinking, even feeling a bit sad about it. highlighting that im the odd one out in that way.

but not odd enough to prompt wedding plans.

that said, i do smirk somewhat on the occasions my dp has been called mr speechless!

Doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I am genuinely baffled by people who have issues with this.

I have a different first name to the rest of my family too and that never causes any problems either...

Why did you give them his name if this is how you feel?

There is no way my DDs would have DH's name if we hadn't been married when they were born.

I didn't change my name when I got married and I don't think having a different name is such a big deal really, but it puzzles me why it is expected that in couples who are not married it is still the man's name that gets handed on.

I mean, if you're that traditional, marry the woman before getting her pregnant (or at least afterwards, shotgun style ).

Doesn't bother me at all. We're getting married this year and I'll be keeping my name (my surname is kinda ugly so I wouldn't inflict it on a child, but I'd never change it.)

My Mum never never changed her name and two of my siblings have my step-fathers name. Having different names to my family is entirely normal for me. I find it really difficult to understand why it's an issue.

Me and my dp aren't married.
The children have his surname.
I'm thinking of changing mine to his as I don't think we'll get married.
It's not weird, have you spoken to your dp about it?
I asked my dp if |I could use his name, he told me I could do what I liked.
When I mentioned deed pole he said if that's what I want

We're married, but I've kept my maiden name and my baby will have this surname not my DH's.
DH is a bit of a feminist and doesn't see why children should always have the paternal name...very unusual chap, I know!

I'm married, and use married name for some things and maiden name for others.

I think taking a DP's name when you are not married is, well it's like she who was outed (re that Guardian column on teenagers) by MN..