If your not married do you mind having a different surname...

We double-barrelled, as it just seemed the right thing to do and we both have very boring surnames . If we hadn't have double-barrelled, I imagine DS would have taken mine.

I have wondered in the past what happens when there is already a double-barelled surname in a marriage/relationship.

Would either of you consider a new combination for your new family?

Good luck with your discussions.

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and my partner and I have been together for 13 years. I really want our baby to have my surname and my DP really wants the baby to have his. We are at stalemate. We can't double barrell the baby's surname, because mine already has a hyphen. I just can't envisage my baby not having my surname. I don't know how we're going to find a solution...!

Why not use both your surnames for the children.

I never think about it!

I am married but have my own surname. We are planning to give our baby my dh's surname because I think schools and doctors etc assume the baby is not the dad's if they have a different surname but they don't assume it's not the mum's. I may be wrong but that's how it feels to me.

I don't see the issue here with having a different name from your DC, or with changing your name if that's what you want, or with doing a work/home name split if that suits you best. Changing your name to your DP's surname is a leetle beet weird if you're not actually married, because you will spend more time explaining to officials how come you have the same name but are single.

I'm surprised by the diversity of family naming options in Germany these days. Until recently the law was very strict, and a married couple had to share a name, or the woman went double-barrelled, leading to such gems as a politician called Sabine Leuthenhauser-Schnarrenburger. It was clear that change was necessary!

Our class contact lists for school generally include parents' names as well, and it seems that fewer than half the families all share one surname. It's surprising how often it is that the children have the man's name and the woman keeps her maiden name. We have the opposite - the kids have my maiden name and my DH is the only one with his surname in the family. There was a practical reason for that - his Irish surname, while beautiful, is difficult for Germans to spell and pronounce, and I didn't want the kids to spend their lives explaining. DH is quite happy for us to be known as 'the Mysurname Family' for informal occasions.

One reason I use both my DH's surname and my maiden name is that in the country where we married (Belgium) it is normal for the wife to keep her maiden name. Thus you have Mr Van Hire and his wife Mrs Van Wheel, and the family Van Hire-Van Wheel on the doorbell sticker (another legality!). The children normally take the fathers surname but (I believe) can now take the mother's. However, on return to the UK when we set up a joint bank account in our different names the very first time I signed a large cheque the bank called my husband to check whether that was okay . When I complained they said oh that's normal if you are not married and only one salary is coming in . In the end it was easier to use my 'married' (in UK terms) name for certain things here.

I do know of one family where the mum and dad decided that the children whould have a different name to either of them. One parent's name is a really long complicated foreign name while the other parent's name is a relatively common British name.

The children's name is a short, very slightly foreign name, which apprently has some meaning to both parents.

An imaginitive solution to this dilemma, although not sure it is one I would choose!

BikeRunSki -
I must admit your split 'personality' sounds like a fab compromise!

Who wants the same name as their MIL like they are the 2nd wife or something?! Gag!

BikeRunSki -
I must admit your split 'personality' sounds like a fab compromise!

Who wants the same name as their MIL like they are the 2nd wife or something?! Gag!

I am married but still have a different surname to my children.

I don't mind a bit, and I'm happy for them to take dh's surname because I much prefer it to my own.

I was married when I was pg with DS, but had never wanted to change my surname, still used my maiden name.

When I was pg I had an overwhelming desire to have the same surname as my DS. There was no question that it would not be DH's surname- traditional English, easy to spell and pronounced and common place round here. My maiden name is non of these things, and to be honest, a bit of a bind. So I changed - hook, line, passport, driving licence and sinker.

I am Mrs Surname, DS's mum on Sat-Tue, and Dr Maiden name, clever government scientist on Wed-Fri. I like my split personality, but possibly because 1 - I can legitimately be Dr Maiden Name, 2 - I have 2 brothers and 2 nephews with my maiden name, so it isn't going anywhere very fast.

Why is a man's name more important than a woman's in 2010 married or not?

Why are women, therefore, still changing their surnames with no compromise?

Why is this discussion still necessary?

I would scream but my children are sleeping!

Seeker, obviously I'm not suggesting that marriage is the one true state. Hell no, I walked away in the end.

But high earning middle class women who argue this point forget about the majority of women who are badly paid. Marriage is a kind of contract, of course it is. It protects women. It used to protect men too but now they don't need to get married. They have all the fathers' rights and their children get their name anyway!

no I gave my dc my surname

Another one who is married but never changed her name. Ds has dh's surname. Never bothered me - my mum remarried when I was 7 so I grew up having a different surname from her anyway. Dh gets called Mr Mysurname as often as I get called Mrs Hissurname I think - neither of us mind.

We were going to do what friends of my mum did, with male children having one surname and female the other (in their case it was male children take the female surname and female the male for complicated family reasons) but if there ever is another mini-trib I think it would be too complicated and I'd just give it dh's surname. Unless it is fathered by, for example, Brad Pitt

Dd has my surname. Dh and I married last year and I am pregnant with dc2. Dc2 will probably have dh's surname.

In the future I may change dd's and my surname to dh's but we are quite happy bumbling along as we are for now.

Married but kept my maiden name. DD has DH surname.
Its never been an issue.

Seriously TooMany you think the law should decide a child's surname if the parents are unmarried. Yet a married couple can decide to use Dad's, Mum's or double barrel their name?

DH and I thought long and hard when we made this decision and I'm sure many others do to, married or not.

"I think men get everything these days. Their children get their sur names, they get the same rights as men who married their children's mothers..."

Why are you assuming that women want to be married, or that being married is preferable?

And children only get their father's last name if their mother gives it to them!

And with the rights come the responsibilities.

I think men get everything these days. Their children get their sur names, they get the same rights as men who married their children's mothers...

none of this would matter if women didn't still routinely earn 75% of what men earned. Bringing up children is a team effort and sahm women who don't work leave themselves wide open.

I know.

I think the law should be that the child's sur name is the mother's sur name if the couple isn't married. That should be the default.

I know someone whose dp won't get married so she has changed her surname by deed poll. I can't help feeling it's a little, um well....needy.
I don't really understand why a woman in 2010 would so easily shed her name.

I am married and we have children...

One person in a marriage changing their mame to the other's is SO WRONG!

Jumping down off soap box now

It's only names, why the heck does it matter at all?

I'm not married, DDs both have DP's name purely because it is more interesting than my really common one. It has never ever been an issue that they have different names to me.

On the other hand, if we ever did get married, I would keep my own surname as I have an "odd" Christian name (Irish parents) and it goes better with my very boring surname iyswim.

As I said, it's not important to me. It's just names.