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Baby names

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Original poster

What to do when your surname is horrible?!!

54 replies

WatchingWaiting · 15/04/2010 14:20

Ok, me and DH have a horrible surname. Its a well known travelling-Irish-Gypsy surname. In our area, its the sort of surname that immediately leads to raised eyebrows and judgement. (Just imagine having the surname 'Kray' if you lived in the East End in the 50's, and you can imagine my pain!! )

I can forsee some problems our child will have with school applications, applying for jobs in the future etc, so in order to minimise this, I want a very 'posh' sounding first name to counter-act our surname!

So, we are so far thinking of the following names as possibilities:

Girls:
Cordelia / Tabitha / Felicity / Harriet

Boys:
Sebastian / Oscar / Benedict / William.

Do they sound a bit too poncey, especially since we are a working class family?

I want it to be as clear as possible that we're not pikeys, but I don't want to sound snobbish and up-myself!! Advice or name suggestions greatly appreciated!

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tjtheminx · 16/04/2010 02:22

Annh I disagree, there are definitely a few traveller specific surnames in some towns.
( I have a few Limerick ones I am thinking of)

I do agree though that giving the kid a posh name is not going to make a difference.

Also DYING to know what the surname is... any hints watchingwaiting
Ah... g'wan!!

annh · 15/04/2010 16:08

I am intrigued as to what this surname is, given that I am Irish and can't think of any surname that would immediately make me stereotype a family as travellers. Well, I can think of a few common traveller surnames but they are also widespread in the community at large. If you feel that people really compartmentalise you because of your surname, then I think giving your child a very "posh" sounding name will just make you appear as a desperate social-climber!

zapostrophe · 15/04/2010 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GladioliBuckets · 15/04/2010 15:53

Would stay away from William in case he ends up Billy.

specialmagiclady · 15/04/2010 15:20

I know what you mean - there's a family like that in my home town and I know that the teachers, doctors etc's hearts rather sank when they saw the name... (sorry, I know that's probably not what you hear)

To try and answer your question, is Hermione Boggins better than Jane Boggins? Or does it just sound like Mr & Mrs Boggins are a bit up themselves? Not sure if it's not the latter, really.

I like the George idea - also Thomas, William, Jane, Katy. These are classic british names which work equally well with Boggins or Fotherington-Smythe.

Also, as the parent of a, frankly, quite naughty boy with an unusual name, you need something you can scream across the park without feeling too self-conscious. If you're screaming Felicity Hermione Jocasta Boggins at the top of your lungs you will feel a bit self-conscious!

ChickensHaveSinisterMotives · 15/04/2010 15:12

I'm dying to know the surname now

mathanxiety · 15/04/2010 15:06

Cordelia / Tabitha / Felicity / Harriet

Of these, I love Tabitha and Cordelia.

Sebastian / Oscar / Benedict / William.

Torn between Oscar and Benedict here.

However, I love Thomas and Marie too.

You know, there are hardly any Traveller surnames that aren't common in the rest of the Irish population. Saying you have a well-known Traveller surname is like saying you have an Irish surname, in other words.

A hoity-toity first name (whatever that is) wouldn't necessarily counterbalance an Irish surname; it would emphasise whatever difference you perceive to be there.

TrillianAstra · 15/04/2010 15:00

A friend of a friend (someone I don't actually know) got married to a Mr Glasscock. Or possibly Glascock. Either way, it was pronounced Glass-cock.

When they got married they both changed their names (to a family name that was less of a playground-teasing magnet).

scurryfunge · 15/04/2010 14:59

No worries -it was only me that got mumpy anyway.My favourites are Sebastian and Felicity from your list.

MadamDeathstare · 15/04/2010 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting · 15/04/2010 14:54

Thanks very much for advice.

And apologies once again for tone of initial post and any offense caused, I meant it to come across as jokey and light hearted, and it didn't.

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MmeLindt · 15/04/2010 14:52

Thomas and Marie are beautiful names. (but I am biased on Thomas)

Go for it.

Once your DC are older, anyone who meets them will recognise immediately that they are lovely well brought up children. Never mind what their surnames are.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting · 15/04/2010 14:51

*sorry, meant to say I thought an upper-class FIRST name would counter-act the surname!

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Original poster
WatchingWaiting · 15/04/2010 14:49

Thanks for your kind suggestions, but I don't think its as easy as changing our surname. I think DH's parents would be very offended by it, and I also think it sort of gives the impression "I'm too good for your surname" - and despite the tone of my previous posts, I don't think that for a second. And my husband is a wonderful man, and although he also is aware of the problem his surname brings, its HIS surname, and I don't think he'd ever take kindly to changing it.

I just don't want my PFB to be judged every time his/her name appears on a form, and thought an upper class surname might counter-act this.

Really love the name Thomas for a boy, and Marie for a girl (grandparents names), and think maybe I should just suck up the traveller connotations these names might have when put together with our surname, and just raise my child with such impeccable manners that people's stereotypes will be challenged upon meeting my perfectly-behaved child?! I have a month or two left to decide anyway, so will give it further thought I suppose.

You've all given me food for thought anyway, so its very appreciated!

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arsesandoldlace · 15/04/2010 14:49

yy Deed Poll is only £10 online. And it's a legal document. My DH's family had a really stupid sounding surname originally and they changed to a normal one when he was small. Not unusual to do so.

ChickensHaveSinisterMotives · 15/04/2010 14:48

I like the names you've mentioned, and I would still change my surname if its that much of a problem. Can it be lengthened? Add 'son' or 'man' to the end of it? Or shortened?

MmeLindt · 15/04/2010 14:46

btw, the names you have chose are all lovely. I particularly like Cordelia and Benedict.

And not too poncey at all.

MmeLindt · 15/04/2010 14:45

Would your DH agree to changing your name?

If it so extreme, and the way you describe it makes me think it is, why don't you change your name?

CuppaTeaJanice · 15/04/2010 14:35

If it's going to be a problem, change your name! No point all having a horrible socially-limiting name just because it's traditional to take the man's name.

Much like the Bogg family did at my school.

Kbear · 15/04/2010 14:35

Just change your surname - easy

SusieCarmichael · 15/04/2010 14:31

the names definitely don't sound too poncey for you if that helps!

Original poster
WatchingWaiting · 15/04/2010 14:31

I don't mean it to sound snobbish and up myself, but every family in my area has been burgled/ mugged by those children of my surname, I want to avoid associations of it as much as possible with my own DC. I can just forsee the teacher on the first day of primary school dreading the fact that my child will be in their class, and want to try and pre-empt this.

sigh

Never meant to offend... I'll ask people in RL instead who understand the situation more and could relate. Thanks anyway.

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MmeLindt · 15/04/2010 14:30

Thing is, the whole problem is only one if you make it one.

I mean, it is not as if your surname is Hitler or Himmler.

If you and your family stay in the area just ignore any comments or raised eyebrows. And if you or your DC move away from that area, then it is not a problem. I am sure that I would not know a Irish-Gypsy name if I came across it.

CuppaTeaJanice · 15/04/2010 14:28

Does your DH hate the name too? If so why don't you all change to your maiden name?

Original poster
WatchingWaiting · 15/04/2010 14:28

and yes, I appreciate your advice to just choose a name we like best and that goes with our unloved surname, but names we would initially like are Tom/Martin type names, which would just re-inforce traveller-irish sounding surname, which I'm desperate to avoid.

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