should we use his family names?

Just a thought but I would like to know what he and his family would say if u never have a boy at all and u cant pass the name on. Has he given this a thought that his sperm that release might always be female.

My OH family name is Leslie and my OH hates it so luckily we avoided it and went for his dads name for a middle name which we both like which is christopher.

I can see your point Tea. You are the mum you should choose the name. I have called my ds after dh, using a family name but I am quite traditional.It's quite an old Scots name so apart from Dh I didn't know anyone with the name.I really like it, however, it was my choice I never felt pressured and neither should you.

What about a variation on John say Jonathan or Jonty? Perhaps you could keep the tradition by using D & J as initials in some order but different names. Personally I love family traditions and if they can worked in without ending up with a name that you dislike then it's shame not to. With DS we managed to use a name which was special to my mum and nan as a first name and a middle name which had fallen out of favour for a couple of generations from DHs side and ended up with a lovely origninalname but with special meaning for the family.

I agree with houseworkhater that keeping to this tradition is just very silly. Also somewhat pretentious imo. And above all boring

There's nothing like the excitement of choosing a name that you and your partner choose to give your child. I found it the best bit of being pregnant, thinking of names! Because lots of stuff is tied up in it; you tend to choose names you love the sound of (obviously) but also I think names say alot about how you see yourself, and the hopes and dreams you secretly have for your child and what they may be like, what they may do or where they're heading in life...it's a lovely gift to give them, I think, their name. Such a shame just to blindly follow traditions that other people have imposed.

Show a little imagination and spirit and chutzpah on behalf of your future child and choose your own name - and agree with others, the David John bit can be middle names.

1st name should be name you like and want to use.

Middle names for making Granny happy.

I think first time mums should get free rein to choose whatever name they fancy. Maybe he will end up looking like a John or a David but only if you like. It is totally unfair to put you under this pressure ( although you might see it as taking away the worry of finding the latest cool "just right" name).

Personally I have these names in my family and having run out of other ideas it seems quite nice to have one for the grandads. JD and DJ get used quite a lot as names in their own right and that is what I would do.

DH's family have a 'family name', but used as a middle name. My MIL rebelled against pressure from her MIL and didn't use it for DH. We have used it as a middle name for DS1 and we've given DS2 my maiden name as a middle name.

I think if my MIL had pressured me to use the family name for either DSs I would have made a point of not doing so, just as she did!

my dh has his grandad's name, which is also his cousin and his uncle's name. bil has the same name as his uncle etc, they only have about 4 names in their family.
They like that they share the same names.

I know you are only thinking of your first child here but I always feel a bit sorry for the second son etc with these family traditions. If one dc gets the special traditional name, then how are the other dc supposed to feel? Just a thought. (Can you tell I am anti tradition?!)

well I will go against the grain here and say that I think you should go with it I think traditions are important and both John and David are lovely names if you really dont care for it then call him John David William (or what ever you like) and use that but 100% I would use a tradition that has gone through 4 generations.. and then I would promptly declare this meant I got freerange on baby no 2

Agreed with the others - especially if they will have the same surname as their father.

Far too confusing. My DH is named for his deceased uncle and grandfather, his older brother for the other grandfather, his younger brother for their dad.

Fortunately DH doesn't think the tradition should be followed - I like the names but they are in use in my head already, and I really want our children to have their own name within the tight cirlce of immediate family.

If he insists on calling the child David John/John David then insist equally that they will take your surname. See how he likes that. (only do that if you think he won't, else you may be screwed lol).

Otherwise put your foot down and insist you both choose a name that you both like. Compromise with using David or John (or even both) as a middle name/s. It's not fair for him to expect you to have no choice in naming your child. You both made the baby, you're both raising the baby so you both get equal choice in naming the baby. Pick a girl's name you know he doesn't like and ask him how he would feel if you said that that would be your DDs name and he had no choice.

I am presuming that your child will have your parnters surname (but maybe wrong)
Why should your child have all the names from your partners side???? What is wrong with names from your side.
I may have ONE of the names as a middle name but do not be bullied into it.

Our children have dh's surname and a family name from my side as a first or middle name.

I agree with those who say break the tradition.

It's just confusing and can lead to a child being saddled with out of date sounding names (tho actually I know a John and a David, both 5).

My father and his father etc etc were all called two of the same 3 names. I think my parents found them hideously old-fashioned 40 yrs ago so went for something else altogether with my brother. I never heard of any comeback.

We used my dad's name for DS1's middle name so it's come back now...

Tell him your family tradition is to choose a name you like.

my x was the third 'blah' and I was briefly put under pressure to have a fourth blah. But I just said I didn't like that name and didn't think it was a good idea to continue a name. The sur name is continued, their sur name!! not mine!

Another vote for choosing your own name and either one or both for the middle name(s).

I don't understand the whole 'using the same names' tradition as presumably that's why having the same surname is handy!! But, coming from a family that do this, I understand the heartache when it's then dropped... but I'd put it in as a middle name.

Oh and by using David as a middle name for DS1, you could save John as a middle name for DS2.

What does your partner say to having a 2nd son, but having already used David and John on the first son? Because it would be silly to have siblings David John and John David.

If you don't like the names, you shouldn't be persuaded to use them.

Personally, I'd choose a first name that you both like and then use either David or John as a middle name. Probably David as that is your partner's first name.

You and your partner come from different families - probably both of you will want to continue certain traditions from your original families, but there is compromise involved. In this case, David as a middle name is a fair compromise. (Because presumably the "tradition" in your family is for the mother and father of the baby to choose a name they both like!!)

I would also say it depends on the name & if you can find a nn you like if there are more than one living at the same time.
I don´t like my husbands name my fathers name or my FIls name, so our son was never going to be named after any of them.

I also think it´s quite "naff" to keep giving first sons the same name.
Always makes me think you can´t be bothered to think of a name yourself.

I know how you feel, I'm in exactly the same situation. I know I'm going to end up giving in to keep the peace.
The first son in the family has always been named after the father. My husband wants to use his name but for it to be shortened to the name his father was known as, his father died 5 years ago and it is very, very important to him. I also want my child to have his own identity and not be constantly compared to father/grandfather, especially as we live in a very small community and his family are very well known. I feel as if I am just expected to do as I'm told.
The only thing is it's quite a nice name and the only other name I really like is that of my own grandfather so not really fair if it all goes my way either.
Sorry not much help but good to know someone else is in the same boat.

here's hoping you have a long line of DDsssss

OMG noooooooooooooo!!

At a push David or John as a middle name.
Although I wouldn´t as I don´t like either name.

Our son has the same middle name as his father & grandfather-but only because we were both OK with it.

I'm a big one for family names, BUT I draw the line at the same name as an immediate parent.

Just no. Your little one deserves his own identity and to have the same first AND middle names (albeit even the other way round) is just miserable, as far as I am concerned.

Own first name and then David/John as middle names, as others have said.

Time to break the cycle. There are so many great names out there, does each child not deserve to be an individual in their own right and have a name that is just their own rather than linking them to someone in the past? I think you really need to put you foot down now so that this does not come up if you do conceive. I would try and find out if this is actually really important to your partner or if he is just trying to do what is expected of him by his family.